What a World

Talking Mongoose Refused To Live As A Prisoner To Your Hidebound Taxonomy

"Gef—who spelled his name phonetically, 'because he didn't know how to spell,' Mr. Josiffe says—self-identified as a mongoose, but Mr. Josiffe has plenty of doubts. 'The whole thing about a talking mongoose is a red herring,' he says. Given the Irvings' descriptions, he says Gef was smaller than a mongoose, perhaps a weasel or a squirrel."


Parrot Repels Attack

"A crime-fighting parrot has saved his owner after she was pushed to the ground in a park."


Seal Frolics

If you are anything like me you will close every other tab just so you can watch this video of a young harbor seal frolicking in the sun and sand of Rockaway Beach without any possible interruption. Take your time, we'll be here when you get back.


Turn Your Blog Into A Book: The Next Generation

"When someone orders a #PermanentRetweet that they didn’t write themselves, I’m giving two-thirds of the purchase price to the original tweeter."


Funny Side To Emotional Damage Found

"Woman named CRISPI uses BACON to try and burn down ex-boyfriend's home"


Isle Of Staten Haunted By Scary Rip-Off Artist

Forget it, Staten Island, Knifecrime Island already did the attention-grabbing creepy clown bit better than you ever could.


Snooze Vindicated

"Len Wiles was glad he decided to have a lie in, after he stayed in bed and avoided being crushed by the Royal Mail lorry when it smashed through his front room"


Let's Drag Bears Down To Our Level!

"After her companion was moved away, Sijia the panda became lonely and depressed so zoo staff have provided her with her own TV. When Sijia's companion, Meixi, was moved away from their zoo in China last week, the zoo keepers noticed her becoming depressed and not eating properly. So on Monday, worried staff at the Yunnan Wild Animal Park moved in some new company for the lonely panda – a new television."


Fake Cigarette Causes Real Explosion

"I put the e-cigarette on charge in my iPad charger, which I have done countless times before. I heard a huge bang that sounded like a firework. I turned around to see a ball of fire weaving about. I saw Laura running away and thought somebody had thrown a firework. A punter pointed to the e-cigarette that I had been charging and it was still smoking. It had burnt through the vinyl floor as well. When the battery exploded the end shot across the room and hit one punter in the stomach and left him with a red mark. I just keep thinking what if this had happened while I [...]


Organization Seeks Recruits Online

If the first thing you think when you hear the word "yakuza" is "missing pinky," the photo that accompanies this article about how the yakuza is turning to the Internet in a bid to grow its membership will not disappoint you.


You Are Too Dumb To Use Soap Right

"Antibacterial products have been shown to be effective at killing microorganisms in hospitals and other healthcare settings, and toothpaste with triclosanmay help people with the gum disease gingivitis, Halden said. But there's little evidence that these products are any more beneficial than regular soap for the general population, Halden said. This lack of benefit may be because people often do not use the products correctly: To effectively kill microbes, people need to wash their hands with antibacterial products for 20 to 30 seconds, but studies show people use the soaps for just six seconds on average, Halden said."


Rat Big

It seems like if you live in a place where they make rat traps this big, you should not be surprised by the presence of massive rats. But what do I know? Nothing. The whole fucking world is a mystery by which I am constantly befuddled and surprised, even when it involves something as simple as rat-related miscellany. It's a gigantic goddamn conundrum that will baffle and perplex me until the day I finally die, which cannot come soon enough.


Putting Suicidal Selfie Addict On National Television Will Surely Send The Right Signal

"Watch the video above as Danny revealed the reason why he was obsessed with taking photos of himself."


Guy Who Was Making It All Up Got Two Book Deals, Where's Yours, Loser?

The dude who wrote that "funny" Goldman Sachs Twitter feed despite never having worked for Goldman Sachs just got his second six-figure book deal, so today is one of those rare days when you're[...]


Why Aren't We Detesticling More Roosters?

"It’s just a chicken with its nuts cut off."


Wanted Baby One Step Ahead Of The Law

"Pakistani Baby Goes on the Lam After Being Accused of Attempted Murder" is your headline of the morning, and like all things that are funny at first one finds when reading a little more about the story that is reflective of a larger and considerably less amusing tale of the corruption, violence and hatred that plague us all over the world in different forms. So instead let's focus on the image of a 9-month-old on the run from the fuzz, lying bored on a mattress in safehouse wearing a tanktop and boxers and calling his [...]


You Know What Cuban Twitter Is, Right?

Look, lots of people in the late '90s had bands called The Miami Relatives, but I am proud to say that I am the only one I know who named his band Marisleysis. Anyway, now I am old and feeble and can barely mount the effort to rise up from bed each morning, but I like to think that if I were still someone inspired to start band today I would call mine Cuban Twitter.


Smoked Chicken

"A Staten Island woman was arrested for running over one of her neighbor's hens with her car, kicking the dead bird and stuffing a cigarette in its mouth for a series of pictures, according to court documents."


Selfie Errors

"Thousands of pounds donated as part of the '#nomakeupselfie' craze were sent to Unicef instead of Cancer Research UK by mistake, the BBC has learned. More than £2m has been raised after the craze of taking a self-portrait with no make-up spread virally. But those texting 'DONATE' rather than 'BEAT' found their money sent to the wrong charity. Others accidentally enquired about adopting a polar bear from the World Wildlife Fund (WWF)."


For Not Being A Bear, Thing Is Still Pretty Great

"A color-enhanced scanning electron micrograph of a water bear, which is probably the only creature on Earth that looks like a cannon wearing wrinkled khakis."