Are you ready for THE BIG COOLDOWN? THE BIG COOLDOWN is coming and none of us will survive! BIG BIG BIG COOLDOWN.
Do the record-high temperatures we've been enjoying of late foretell an extra-hot summer? Climatologists refuse to commit, but don't we all know by now that when the question takes the form of "is something only going to get worse" the answer is pretty much always a resounding yes? So, yes.
Get Ready For Indian Summer, The Meteorological Phenomenon That Everyone Writes Songs About And Then Everyone Else Covers Those Songs A Million Times
Whoa! It's supposed to be 85 degrees in New York on Sunday, which will be October 9th. Lots of people will be all, "This is the result of global warming!" But it's not. And not just because global warming is a fiction being espoused by just about every scientist in the world for their own personal profit. The blast of heat we'll be getting this weekend is regularly occurring autumnal phenomenon. It's called Indian Summer and you probably already know all this. There have been many songs written about it.
Have you been outside lately? The city has officially wilted. New York's typical hurried, outta-my-way gait has been replaced by a pace more frequently found in tropical climes, which is perhaps appropriate given the oppressive heat. People are shuffling around slowly, seemingly unconcerned about getting to where they need to be in anything approaching a timely fashion. And you know what? Good for them! It's hot out there, and will continue to be so for some time. Your bright spot this week comes tomorrow, when a series of thunderstorms will ensure that the temperature doesn't rise past 87°. It's gonna feel like spring! And then, sadly, back to [...]
It was one of those chilly spring mornings specifically calibrated to make you want to cling to the covers and hit snooze seven times, but you couldn't, could you, because you of course put off filing your taxes until the last minute and now most of your day will be spent standing in line with your fellow procrastinators while you wait to once again pay into the "certified mail" scam that the post office makes most of its money on at this time of the year. You're going to be tired and irritable, but console yourself with the fact that you're doing the right thing. Also, try and get [...]
Let's try to be optimistic about the weather, shall we? Sure, it is cold… it's March. That's how things work. But, at the very least, it should be mostly sunny into next week. And who doesn't love the sun? (Okay, maybe Doug Yule.) Yes, the rain will return after that, but we are moving into April. I promise you if you can just hold out for a bit, you will eventually get to the place where the streets are filled with the odor of human urine, the traditional harbinger of warm temperatures. We'll get there, people!
On a day where the phrase "the continuing crisis" could plausibly refer to six different disasters, it seems almost beside the point to bitch about the weather. But what else can you do? The weather sucks. It is NOT HELPING. I don't know what to tell you except that, if you can hold out until Friday, they're saying 70 degrees. Which is something, I guess. The chaos and destruction will presumably remain, and probably get worse. But hey, 70. Sigh.
Britain is a nightmarish hellhole where existence is a pitiless struggle in even the calmest of times, so it is heartbreaking to watch this remarkable footage of its wretched denizens forced to contend with heavy wind. Scroll down here for an even more remarkable graphic delineating the types of gust.
Final NYC snow total for winter 2011/2012: 4.5 inches. We got 61 inches last year.#WelcomeToSpring
— Pat Kiernan (@patkiernan) March 19, 2012
Spring doesn't start until tomorrow, so maybe NY1 newspaper elf Pat Kiernan is summoning down the forces of nature upon us, but if this holds up (and, yeah, it will) we will remember it as the last time we were surprised by the lack of snow. Because from now on it is nothing but fires ahead.
Happy-making sentence of the day: "Therefore, instead of New York City enduring the worst of winter this year, it will likely be Chicago." I mean, unless you live in Chicago. In which case, my sympathies.
Ugh, it's gonna be hot today. And tomorrow. Later in the week there will be rain. It is summer. I hope you've put powder on all the necessary parts. (In an abundance of caution I overcompensated, and now my equipment looks like a French mime who is terrible at juggling.) Anyway, welcome back! How was your weekend?
It will be another week of gloom and shadow. Disasters will remain unresolved, arguments will be made in bad faith, work will be as unrelenting as it is unrewarding. Your worries will outweigh your wonders, and you will settle for any small glimpse of sunshine with which to, however briefly, refrain from reflecting upon just how fragile and tenuous even this sorrowful existence really is. Your best bet for that is probably Thursday; the rest of the week looks pretty grim.
Happy spring, everybody! There's some snow on the way. Because, you know, why wouldn't there be?
"When we mention the weather, then, as part of the larger seasonal narrative, or of a smaller, immediate one, like the course of a storm, we’re acknowledging this shared narrative – one of the few universal ones we have. Of course, we aren’t consciously acknowledging it; but nevertheless, don’t we refer to it all the same? Perhaps, then, what we’re accessing when we habitually remark upon the weather outside is this sense of a shared narrative, one that’s as ineluctable as breathing. Our unthinking and fleeting remarks about inches of snow and the shapes of the clouds are a trace of our shared narrative that is the weather and [...]
"Meteorological summer, the period from June 1 to Aug. 31, is over and the Northeast Regional Climate Central (NRCC) has released provisional data from these three months. The NRCC reports that every state in the Northeast except West Virginia experienced a summer that was warmer than usual, while seven of the 12 Northeast states sweated through a summer that ranked among their top 20 warmest. Summer was also extremely wet in the Northeast: every state received more rain than normal, up to an additional 4 inches more in some places." —Ugh, I totally wasted my meteorological summer. It feels like it ended before I had a chance to do [...]
It being tournament time, pretty much everyone is trying to get in on the action. I'm particularly amused by the Weather Channel's "search for the all-time favorite weather song" bracket, although the exclusion of Randy Newman's "I Think It's Going To Rain Today" is somewhat troubling. What's your all-time favorite weather song? Tell etc. in the etc.!
"After the 4th of July," my grandmother used to say, "summer is over." And while that may have been something of an exaggeration, it is not necessarily untrue. Despite what the calendar shows, let's admit it: summer is done. The plans you made have either fallen through or have been executed half-heartedly and with regret. The failures of the season have already been written in the Book of Life underneath all the failures of summers past. You are even now looking ahead to autumn, with all its inevitable disappointment and uncertainty. That swirling sense of anxiety that sits in your chest is a concrete reminder that despite the lofty [...]
Oh God, it's a never-ending future of rain and clouds. I would try to say something cheering and upbeat, but you know me. Maybe we should all go back to bed until June.
Perhaps you want to stay indoors tomorrow: "A pre-April Fool's day storm that could sock the city with an inch of snow – even though it's officially spring – is heading our way, the National Weather Service says."
Need I tell you to step outdoors? I think not! You know as well as anyone that it is in the mid-70's right now, a temperature we are not likely to enjoy again this month. It is perhaps not the brightest of days, but who cares? MID-70's. You need to go get yourselves some of that. But maybe you are at your place of work, and your employer has the strange notion that you need to remain at your desk? Inform your employer that it is vital for your mental health and physical well-being that you experience some of the rare goodness the weather is sending our way. Should he [...]