Turning The Screw
15

Ask Polly: Why Can't I Leave My Ex Behind For Good?

Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Because suspending your disbelief burns 78 calories per hour!"

Polllyyyyyyy.

Relationship. 3.5 years. 2.5 of those years spent cohabiting. 1 year into the relationship, my brother died, and my family fell apart before my eyes. Around this time, the major, major conflicts in the relationship began. Fighting. Constantly. Me taking it out on him. Him letting me because he’s a good guy. Drinking too much. Having the most epic, awful fights. Things got better, gradually, with time, us giving each other more space, and him finally realizing that he needed to be in [...]

18

Ask Polly: Should I Make The First Move?

Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Because Jesus cares less than you think he does!"

Dear Polly,

I recently started my dream job, at a growing startup, with a bunch of friends I really like and who inspire me. The company is growing quickly so I've been on the lookout for possible fellow travelers who are cool and organized and would fit in well with my team. My best friend recently recommended a young man for the team and told me in setting up the meeting, "You"ll love him!" Which, it turns out, I do.

The company is going [...]

13

Ask Polly: I Can't Stop Procrastinating!

Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Because your butt does look fat in that personality disorder!"

Dear Polly,

To continue your dialogue with letter writer #1 a few weeks ago ( "don't quit your day job," etc.) and with a dude who wrote to you as "rabbit" way back when about his jealousy of his ex's new musician boyfriend: I'm an editor at a little-read academic publication; the job is well-paying and provides excellent health insurance, I'm (very) good at it, and my boss is an awesome mentor who respects me and allows me autonomy—basically the jackpot.

Except [...]

14

Ask Polly: Should I Bring A Baby Into This Messed-Up World?

Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Sit down and wipe off your face!"

Hi Polly.

Alas, the sticky question is whether or not to enlarge our (human) household. My wife and I are both scientists and thus pessimistic by nature, which seems antithetical to the whole process of having and raising a child. In spite of that and after a great deal of talking and thinking, we decided to give it a try. Attempts were initially successful, but then took a tragic turn. And now, months later, after things have returned to "normal," the decision is once again looming, [...]

17

Ask Polly: I'm About To Have A Baby And I'm Freaking Out

We're pleased to present the inaugural column of Turning The Screw, existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Because nothingness becomes you!"

Dear Polly,

I'm about to have a baby and it's scaring me to death. I know that I'm meant to be a mother, but I don't want to spend the next ten years with apple sauce stuck to my clothes. I feel like I'm watching my good life disappear in front of my eyes.

My wife thinks I'm being melodramatic (this is her usual take) but she's not the one who's pregnant. She's a busy executive who makes a pretty big salary and works around the [...]

12

Ask Polly: I Am Haunted By Toxic Troublemakers From My Past

Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Because, like it or not, your days are numbered."

Hi, Polly,

I work at a new(ish) & great job surrounded by commercial artists in film, many of them high-functioning crazies/social misanthropes like myself. I'm still married (thankfully) to a wonderful & forgiving wife (also an artist) and we have two small boys.

Last year I made the horrible mistake of having an affair with a coworker. Six months prior to that, my wife and I had hit a point where neither of us were sure if we were in love with [...]

14

Ask Polly: I Feel Guilty About How Absurdly Rich I Am!

Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Like a really wise friend who doesn't respect your personal space!"

Dear Polly,

I grew up in a tiny, rural, working-class town in the middle of the country. My family was wealthy—old money. Mom didn't work, and my dad tinkered at an obscure craft/art in what was mainly a ranching and coal town. In contrast to my peers who had never left the state, my family traveled internationally, did the country-club thing on vacations, and ordered Parisian dog collars for our mutts. When I was a kid it didn't matter that I was [...]

21

Ask Polly: Is He Crazy, Or Am I?

Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Chicken tenders for that empty place where your soul should go!"

Dear Polly,

First of all, you must excuse my English, I'm actually French. Plus, I don't have autocorrect for English on this thing so I'm kind of forced to go with the flow. Anyway!

I know you already kind of wrote about that stuff but I'm still wondering if you'll help motivating me: I'm completely—and I mean it, completely—stuck on a guy.

We met each other in high school, kind of fell in love, kind of nothing happened because we [...]

75

Ask Polly: I Can't Get Over This Crush

Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Vibrant confirmations of your worst fears!"

Dear Polly,

I need your help. I'm a guy in my mid-thirties, and I have unrequited feelings for a woman I went to high school with. We talk maybe every year or two; we're not close. There was a time, in our twenties, when she might have dated me, or at least made out with me as an experiment, but that time is long past. She has since married and divorced, and is in a relationship with someone else. She has clearly moved on, and I can't. Please [...]

21

Ask Polly: Why Do Guys Dump Me Like a Hot Potato?

Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Snausages for your mopey inner mongrel!"

Dear Polly,

I am writing to you with what I believe to be the number 1 question on every twenty-something's mind: Will I ever find love? Let me detail this.

I am in my early twenties and my longest relationship lasted 8 months, and the guy was two-timing me for the last month or two of it (I was 19; he was 31). I've only been in one relationship that I genuinely believed would last, and even culminate in marriage, and that one only lasted four months. [...]

16

Ask Polly: I Miss My Maniac Ex

Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Worthless knick-knacks for emotional kleptomaniacs!"

Hi Polly.

I have bored all my friends and therapist with this issue, so I guess it's your turn now. I am a happily (you know, mainly) married female in my late 30s—with two small kids. Life is pretty ducky—I love and like my husband, like my job, and find my kids totally adorable, amazing, and exhausting/exasperating in equal parts. I have the same problems as everyone else in my demo: aging parents; financial woes (live in a major city where the livin' ain't cheap), although not a lack [...]

22

Ask Polly: Should I Quit My Job To Be An Artist?

Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Like an app that deals with your big, looming questions, only not nearly that good!"

Dear Polly,

Here I am, a decade out of college, floundering at a faux-creative career that barely pays the rent. It certainly doesn't bring me any real satisfaction as an artist, if that term even applies anymore. I would quit and pursue my dreams, but then I couldn't feed my cat.

Am I wasting my life?

Almost An Artist

Dear AAA,

You are definitely wasting your life. Just look at you! You wake up in the morning, [...]

35

Ask Polly: I Don't Like My Friends Anymore

Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Stone soup for your dark night of the soul!"

Dear Polly,

When do you know it’s time to pull the plug on a longstanding friendship that is messed up? My spouse and I have been friends with another couple, I’ll call them Ann and Ned, for 25 years. They were smart and loyal and generous. They seemed to us, at the time, to have it all figured out. What we brought to the party was a sort of easygoingness and flexibility and a sense of fun. They gave us solidity and we loosened them [...]