Today in "Ewww"

Humanity's Ingenuity Now Mostly Harnessed For Creation Of Nasty Food Combinations

"A Chinese takeaway in London is offering its customers a rather unique take on Cadbury's Creme Egg in the form of a deep fried wonton."


Is Your Phone Covered In Doody? Of Course It Is. Everything Is Covered In Doody. If We Know Anything It's That Doody Is All Around Us.

"How smartphones and tablets now harbour thousands more germs than a TOILET SEAT"


What Makes A Fatberg

"Last week, officials at Thames Water removed a 30,000-pound lump of lard from a trunk line sewer beneath the London suburb of Kingston. It was the fattest fatberg ever recovered from the London sewers, and by extension, probably the largest subterranean grease clump in U.K. history." Read on, asswipes are involved.


Start Scratching

"A man whose ear had itched for two months turned out to have mites crawling in his ear canal, a new case report says."


Salt Gimmicky, Disgusting

"A range of salts said to have been collected from human tears has gone on sale in London. Hoxton Street Monster Supplies says the salts come from crying humans experiencing a range of emotions. The £7 range includes salts harvested from tears of sorrow, tears shed while sneezing, tears shed while chopping onions, tears of laughter, and tears of anger."


Have Some Doody Chicken

The government is doing its best to make sure we all decide to go vegetarian. [Via]


Nasty Things Nasty

"When Hurricane Irene barreled up the U.S. Eastern coastline, the storm left behind a path of widespread damage — and a generous helping of mysterious, squishy gray blobs in shallow waters and beaches from Virginia to New York, according to news reports. 'They’re pretty disgusting looking,' Cathy Hopkins of Hampton, Va., told local media outlet the Daily Press. Hopkins spotted dozens of the nasty floating blobs — many of which give off a powerful stench — near the mouth of the Poquoson River, off the Chesapeake Bay." But what are they? CLICK IF YOU DARE.


If The Idea Of A Giant Cockroach Burrowing Into Your Ear Freaks You Out Don't Click On This, Because That's What The Whole Story Is About, A Giant Cockroach In A Guy's Ear

"Near the 10-minute mark…he started to stop burrowing but he was still in the throes of death-twitching. They said they had never pulled an insect this large out of someone’s ear."


Wacky Japanese Beers Inspire Sedate American Revulsion

"Kirin is selling 12 cocktails featuring its Ichiban Shibori beer leavened with mixers like pineapple, grapefruit or tomato juice, as well as cassis or lemon liqueur. The company calls them Ichiban Shibori Two-Tone Drafts, for the layers of color created in the glass before the beer and mixer are stirred. Even more unusual is Ichiban Shibori Frozen Draft, which is beer topped with frozen foam dispensed like soft-serve ice cream from a special tap. Asahi's new offering combines premium Asahi Super Dry beer and Calpis, a syrupy Japanese concoction inspired by a fermented-milk drink from Inner Mongolia and known in the U.S. as Calpico."


What Do You Think Of When You Hear The Word "Hamburger"?

"The all-American hamburger: It makes you think of herds of cattle, the great plains, family-run farms…" —Hmmm. That is not exactly what springs to my mind when someone mentions hamburger. Anyway, here's five minutes of "news" about fake meat, which is comical because you really only need about 45 seconds before you're all, "Ugggh, gross, get it away." If your choice is between feces and Science, lunch is going to be a drag either way.


How Many Foie Gras Donuts Can You Cram Into Your Gullet?

Would you like to feel better about the dietary choices you've made over the last month or so? Then watch this video, in which two men compete to see who can consume more foie gras-injected beignets in the course of a minute. It will totally put you at ease with your own recent decisions. It may also make you vomit.


Story Gross

"Fish that can survive out of water for 7 hours jumps down boy’s throat, gets stuck there for 14" —I'm gonna pass on this one, but if it's that kind of thing that interests you, by all means.


Fake Meat Real Gross

"To produce the meat, stem cells are placed in a broth containing vital nutrients and serum from a cow foetus which allow them to grow into muscle cells and multiply up to 30 times. The strips of meat begin contracting like real muscle cells, and are attached to velcro and stretched to boost this process and keep them supple. At the moment the method produces meat with realistic fibres and a pinkish-yellow tinge, but Prof Post expects to produce more authentically coloured strips in the near future." —The first hamburger to be grown in a tube will be served this year. Who's hungry?


Scary Smoking Warnings From The Rest Of The World

As we wait for those nasty pictures of desiccated organs and the like to grace our cigarette packs, why not take a look at how they do it around the world. Warning: Thailand will make you retch a little.


Meat Discovered In Chicken Nuggets

"The nuggets came from two national fast food chains in Jackson. The three researchers selected one nugget from each box, preserved, dissected and stained the nuggets, then looked at them under a microscope. The first nugget was about half muscle, with the rest a mix of fat, blood vessels and nerves. Close inspection revealed cells that line the skin and internal organs of the bird, the authors wrote in the American Journal of Medicine. The second nugget was only 40 percent muscle, and the remainder was fat, cartilage and pieces of bone."


Who Wants To See A Fatberg?

I know, I know, you were curious about the fatberg and desperate to know more. Guess what? WE HAVE VIDEO. In deference to those with more delicate sensibilities we'll dump it after the jump, but if you arrived here via Twitter or some other source you are probably gagging already, in which case I would remind you to be careful about where you vomit, because you never know what clog it might contribute to. Anyway, dive down and enjoy.


Next Time You Get The Sniffles, Remember This

"An Arizona man who had a runny nose for more than 18 months was actually leaking fluid from his brain." If I may briefly voice an opinion about this story: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH OMG SO GROSS UGH MY WHOLE HEAD FEELS DISGUSTING NOW SERIOUSLY UGGGGGGH. Okay, I'm a little better. For now.


Rats Ratty

"Those aren't squirrels at all."


Fish Bad

If you're the kind of person who eats supermarket sushi you are probably not particularly concerned about things like "quality" or "cleanliness" or "safety," so this article on "tuna scrape" will have no effect on you. The rest of you might be slightly more upset about. While we're on the subject: it's meat glue! [Via]


The Call Is Coming From Inside The Stall

"16 percent of Gen Y report they have made an online purchase while in the bathroom."