As a service to the gentlemen who peruse this site, I would like to strongly warn you against surveying this piece on penile enlargement surgery unless you have some compelling need to keep your legs crossed for the rest of the day, in which case by all means go ahead. The rest of you have been warned.

I was looking forward to learning about Why Roger Ailes Hates America as per the title of this Esquire profile but unfortunately the answer was not forthcoming, or perhaps a few thousand words of bizarre overwrought writerly tics prevented me from finding out.