These Things Happen
6

Joan Crawford Protests: A Short History of 'New Yorker' Corrections

The New Yorker’s fact-checking department is singular. Unlike the few similar departments of other magazines, it’s got a bit of glam. People actually aspire to work there. And why not? How many fact-checking departments can claim to have been chronicled in the magazine’s own pages by John McPhee or depicted—for better or worse—in Bright Lights, Big City? It’s been at the top of the fact heap for years, at least in part for its absurd levels of rigor. As an editor noted not long ago, “Every quote, every detail, every attribution, every everything is checked for accuracy”—including the cartoons.

This obsessiveness, I can tell you from personal experience, extends [...]

1

Correction Offers Stark Reminder Of Everything That Is Wrong With The World

"An article on Saturday about reactions to Kim Kardashian’s announcement, after 72 days of marriage, that she would be divorced misstated, at one point, the surname of a prominent author who wrote a limerick about her in Twitter messages. He is Salman Rushdie, not Rushie."

7

Newt Gingrich Staffers Suddenly Realize They Are Working For Newt Gingrich

"Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich’s presidential campaign imploded Thursday afternoon with virtually his entire senior staff leaving en masse, according to multiple sources familiar with the moves…. It’s not clear how — or whether — Gingrich will remain in the race."

3

Could Roger Ailes Have Told Someone To Lie?

"Fox News Chief, Roger Ailes, Urged Employee to Lie, Records Show," is how the New York Times headlines a story about how Ailes "encouraged [Judith Regan] to lie… to federal investigators who were vetting Bernard B. Kerik for the job of homeland security secretary" because Ailes feared word of Regan's affair with Kerik would damage Rudy Giuliani's presidential campaign (a feat that Giuliani proved quite capable of handling on his own, as it turned out). The whole thing is a bit of a trip down memory lane (I mean, when was the last time you thought about Judith Regan?), but, really, couldn't that headline just as easily apply [...]

12

An Open Letter To Matt Dodge (From Matt Dodge)

[With 12 seconds remaining in last night’s game against the Philadelphia Eagles, rookie punter Matt Dodge was instructed by New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin to kick the ball out of bounds, which would have likely given the Eagles poor field position, and possibly put the 31-31 game into overtime. A bungled snap resulted in a direct punt to the Eagles’ DeSean Jackson, who scored a 65-yard punt return for a TD as time expired, handing the Eagles a 38-31 victory. Following the Giant’s loss, my Twitter account bearing the name @mattdodge, was flooded by fake ReTweets, vitriolic messages from passionate fans and sarcastic job offers.]

Heyyyy buddy, [...]

31

My Former Best Friend's Wedding

I came late to Facebook, after going through all the predictable phases: the disdain, the excuses, the stalking via “borrowed” log-in, the particular form of procrastination known as “what-would-I-put-in-my-hypothetical-profile?,” followed eventually by an ambivalent, job-search related realization that I had to bite the bullet. But before I did—before I opened the floodgates of reconnection—I knew I had to pick up the phone and call my childhood best friend. We hadn’t talked in years, but I couldn’t stand the thought of putting our past on the same level as everyone else’s, basically ensuring that our long history would be reduced to smiley, yearbook-style platitudes.

2

Your Tractor-Trailer Is Usually In The Last Place That You Look

Following removal of a misplaced tractor-trailer, southbound FDR Drive re-opened at E 96 St, MN. Expect residual traffic delays.

— NYC OEM (@NotifyNYC) February 13, 2012

8

The Birds Have A Reason To Be Angry

"Correction: October 22, 2011 An earlier version of this article incorrectly stated the premise of 'Angry Birds,' a popular iPhone game. In the game, slingshots are used to launch birds to destroy pigs and their fortresses, not to shoot down the birds."

5

Something Was Exaggerated On The Internet

"The reporter who was described as 'trapped in a closet' or 'kidnapped' by Vice President Joe Biden’s staff says the reports that reverberated across the Internet over the weekend dramatically exaggerated the details of his 'imprisonment.'"

20

Man Has Bad Flight

Hearken ye, children, to a true tale of woe. While you nestle comfortably into your warm domiciles and places of business, a weary traveler finds himself in the grip of nature's icy claw, forced by a fate too cruel to contemplate to seek shelter in a terrible town with no cheer. Pray for this miserable unfortunate in his hour of need.

33

The Christopher Jusko Murder and the Campaign Against Photographs of Dead Bodies

Recently a news organization published a photograph of a rather recently dead body. The former person in question photographed had been murdered and presumably the news outfit felt that a murder on its local turf had some news value. The victim's family and friends were about ten kinds of furious. Meanwhile, written coverage of the murder and its circumstances was vigorous and regular on a number of New York City-based websites, including Gothamist and the Times, in large part because it took place in the East Village. Year-to-date, there have been four murders in the East Village's Ninth Precinct, though I couldn't tell you what the other three were. [...]

31

The Recession's Bravest: I Was an English Major Who Taught Your Children Math

When my manager at the test prep company called me to teach a summer school program, I jumped on the opportunity. I was six months out of New York University, and I was determined to stay in New York to become a writer. The only obstacle was New York's price of living, and the impending deluge of student debt.

The summer school gig meant consistent work at a tantalizing $20 an hour. Conveniently, the school was located a five-minute walk from my house, and it got even better: "The hours are eight to one," he said, "so you'll have the rest of the day to yourself." Visions of productivity [...]

9

Man Hatless

"An earlier version of this article incorrectly described imagery from 'The Shining.' The gentleman seen with the weird guy in the bear suit is wearing a tuxedo, but not a top hat."

4

Switzerland's Endless Cycle Of Guinea Pig Purchases

"Without her rent-a-guinea pig service, the owner would have to purchase a new, probably younger guinea pig as a companion to the ageing survivor, whose eventual death would force the purchase of yet another guinea pig, locking the owner into an endless cycle of guinea pig purchases in order to adhere to Swiss law — even though he or she may only ever have wanted one guinea pig in the first place."

9

Japan Nuclear Crisis: The Experts Weigh In

Reassuring news from Japan! Our panel of experts has assured us that the current levels of radiation are not a huge threat to those outside a 50k radius of the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Station, at least not right at this moment based on the admittedly limited information we're being given, and based on the assumption that no further radioactive material will be released into the atmosphere—which is, in fact, happening at this very minute.

Fortunately, most of our experts agree that a full meltdown of the nuclear fuel at any of the reactors is "wildly unlikely"—although they're not sure what can be done, if anything, to prevent the [...]

3

A New Nursery Rhyme About Blackbirds

Sing a song of sixpence A pocketful of rye Four or five thousand blackbirds falling from the sky

The town of Beebe was startled no one could believe Such Hitchcockian event On cheery New Year's Eve

20

Ikea Shelving And The Impossible Pursuit Of Perfection

For as long as I can remember, I've gone out of my way to enjoy eves, precipices and the part of a roller coaster right before that first drop. Even though I hate everything that comes next—and in the case of holidays and other special occasions, I bore easily. I just love the anticipation. Still, the night before my second book came out, all I could think about was my fucking record shelf.

58

Varieties of Things That One Rarely Bothers to Mention or Document

The week I had my wisdom teeth removed, I saw a man in line at the corner bodega drop a pencil, a nice-looking one, without noticing. I was fixed in a Percocet fog and stared at the pencil (handsome wood, something an architect would use) instead of telling the man he had dropped it. His transaction completed, he left, and I stepped up to the register, placing my beer next to it. I then turned to watch as an employee mopping the floor discovered the pencil, picked it up and admired it. I regretted not doing the same when I had the chance, but it seemed fair that all [...]