Posts tagged as The Moon
Moon Ugly
Click here if you want to see a photo of an ugly, useless bunch of rock that loiters about our orbit hoping to be noticed even though it DESERVES NOTHING BUT SCORN. And here it is trying to look deep and soulful. IT'S NOT WORKING, you pretentious piece of junk.
Yes, Let's Make The Moon Part Of America
As someone with a very serious interest in seeing Newt Gingrich at the top of the Republican ticket, I was initially disheartened by his recent promise to put an American base on the moon that would eventually become a state. The idea that the moon—a giant piece of space garbage which even Science has admitted is completely worthless—might get itself two (no doubt obstructionist) Senators and a representative in the House is almost too much to take, because it is the moon. It deserves nothing but scorn and pillage. But then I remembered that Republican industrial and environmental policies are essentially designed to promote exploitation and decay, and I suddenly realized that, yes, we should ABSOLUTELY put a base on the moon, and then do to it what we're doing to our own planet. Go Newt! READ MORE
Misguided Science Types Somehow Convinced Moon Worth Preserving
Oh, by all means, let's try and preserve all the VALUABLE HISTORY on the moon. It's SO IMPORTANT that all the footprints and garbage we left up there on previous visits remain intact. Lord knows the moon can't do anything for itself, because it's so USELESS. Ugh, stupid moon! Don't you know it's not going to make a difference once we finally come to our senses and blow you into little tiny chunks of utter worthlessness?
Moon Useless
Hahahaha, suck it, moon! Even your supposedly unique minerals can be found right here on earth! What are you good for, moon? Apart from mockery, NOTHING!
Moon Pics
Here are a series of pictures in which people appear to be doing things to the moon. Sadly, none of those things are pounding it in the dark side with such ferocity and single-minded intensity that it crumples into a corner and begs for more because it has finally realized that you are right about it being a totally worthless satellite that is not even good enough for reflective light purposes and it can only find any degree of validation and self-esteem through your firm and vigorous ministrations. But the one where it looks like someone is playing basketball with it is pretty cool. [Via]
What's The Deal With Moon Doody?
What happened to the doody that astronauts left on the moon? NASA wants to know. So do I! Hopefully it became some kind of genetically-altered doody monster whose sole mission is to eat the moon piece by piece until it disappears completely. But enough about my dreams.
Very Rich Person Also Wants To Annihilate The Moon
Will billionaire Naveen Jain be the person to finally make my dream of destroying the moon come true? One can only hope.
It's Time To Mine The Moon
Now I know some of you are not on board with my crusade against the moon. "I like the moon," you say. "It's pretty," you protest. "What about the tides," you implore. Well, screw the tides and screw the moon, because we have just learned something very important that will change your view of that useless satellite orbiting roughly 221,463 miles from the infinitely superior Earth. It seems the moon has been holding out on us. That's right, the moon is loaded with precious, precious titanium ore. READ MORE
New Pictures From Moon Prove Once Again That You Can't Take People Anywhere
Look at all that trash the Apollo 17 astronauts left on the moon. (Seriously, look. Nasa's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter recently zoomed down to 25 kilometers above the surface, and the pictures it has sent back are amazing.) You can see the shape of the moon buggy and everything, just sitting out there to rust like on some American's front yard.
The Moon Has Been Hiding Water From Us For Who Knows How Long
I've always kind of liked the moon. And have felt an instinct toward protection when friends and colleagues have attacked her in print. What did the moon ever do to us, I thought, except look pretty and give us tides to surf on and write nice faux-reggae songs about? Well, it turns out that the less credulous among us may have been right not to trust her seductive blue glow after all. The moon has been holding out on us for years, hoarding vast supplies of valuable water beneath her apparently dry, desert-like surface. Scientists started to suspect something was up recently. But now, new analysis of volcanic moon rock brought back by astronauts 40 years ago has yielded evidence of far more water than we'd ever imagined! READ MORE
