The Coming Plague
9

Florida Will Kill Us All

Florida is going to stop killing itself person-by-person and will begin to eventually kill us all. While Rick Scott's government kept a horrifying TB outbreak secret (while ordering the closure of the hospital that treated such!), let us not forget dengue fever outbreaks in the Keys and all that scary other stuff. Basically we need to wall off the subtropical portion of the United States before it's too late, before crocodiles with hoof-and-mouth Legionnaires bird flu storm our gates.

17

History Says 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon" is Going to be Horrifically Bad

Michael Bay, I have personally viewed at least 60% of the content you have made as a director (slightly more than that, if you count the "Got Milk"? campaign and Meat Loaf's video for "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)." So I'm qualified to observe that your work grows exponentially worse in expected, methodical patterns. Bad Boys II? Not as good as Bad Boys I! Armageddon? It followed the far superior The Rock! (And let's remember, The Island followed Bad Boys II, which, oh man, poor Ewan McGregor!) And I don't think the quality progression between the first two Transformers movies even needs to be [...]

2

"Sentinel Chicken" Down!

Poor sentinel chickens. The canaries in our disease coalmine, they get routinely poked and prodded for infections of all kind. And then sometimes they actually get one. So send your prayers to the bold sentinel chicken who just came down with West Nile virus in Florida. On top of the dengue and malaria, maybe don't go outside much down there? (Though, for our sentinel chicken friends, I guess it's a better life than being an "eating chicken"?)

5

Hot For Summer: Bedbugs

Get excited for summer, because experts are predicting a bedbug infestation explosion. "I firmly believe that this year is going to be worse than last year," says researcher Jeffrey White. There is also this, which is news to me and extremely disturbing: "Check your laptop. The bedbugs are attracted to the heat and body oils on the computer." GAH. I suppose I will have to re-read this piece soon. I'm already itchy with anticipation.