Moon Stupidly Shaped

Rather than do literally anything else, scientists have spent forty-five years trying to decipher the true shape of the fucking moon, which is apparently "like a lemon with an equatorial bulge," according to the author of the absolutely pointless study. The Times writes: Efforts to pinpoint the moon’s exact shape have long been stymied by the presence of large craters on its surface that formed after the crust solidified. There have also been inconsistencies between its measurements and what we know about its past.

For example, the moon barely spins, yet it appears to have the sort of equatorial bulge caused by rotation. And why would a [...]


Moon Wants Attention

"[A]ccording to NASA, a highly unusual 'Tetrad' – four successive total 'blood-red' lunar eclipses each followed by six full moons – will, indeed, start next Tuesday and finish on September 28 2015. The incredible alignment has only happened a handful of times in the last two thousand years but, remarkably, on each of the last three occasions it has coincided with a globally significant religious event."


Moon Rocked

"Record-Breaking Meteorite Crash on Moon Sparks Brightest Lunar Explosion Ever" is the headline, and if the actual video of it is something less graphic and forceful than anyone who hates the moon (which is everyone with any sense) might desire it is still, as the joke goes, a good start.


Will China Destroy The Moon?

"China successfully launched a lunar probe into space Monday morning, on a two-week journey to deliver a robotic rover to the surface of the moon. The mission marks China's first attempt at soft-landing a spacecraft on an extra-terrestrial body, and could benefit future plans to land Chinese astronauts on the moon." —Dear China,

Please cut yourself some slack on this one and just go for the hard landing. Do not worry about hurting the moon, just RAM THAT ROBOTIC ROVER INTO ITS STUPID SATELLITE CRUST UNTIL WE CAN HEAR THE SCREAMS OF MOON PAIN FROM SPACE. I mean, whatever, do what you feel like, but, you know, if [...]


If You Love Dying In Space So Much Why Don't You Marry It

"Death in Space Is a Cheerful Death"


Space Splotchy

It turns out space looks exactly like what that hippie artist was spraypainting on black velvet outside the Dead show at the Silver Bowl in 1991. [Photo: Adam Block/Mount Lemmon SkyCenter/University of Arizona, via]


Sure, Let's Shoot A Bunch Of Animals Into Space

Haven't we already figured out what happens to animals if we blast them into space? Isn't sending them up there now just asking for trouble? Like, taking the chance that they will pass through some cosmic gamma rays and come back as super-rodents bent on revenge? I mean, that is my understanding of how space travel works. I could be wrong. Anyway, if nothing else it seems kind of cruel, although I guess it is probably better than living in Russia.


Stop Paying Attention To The Moon

Did you go out at 3 in the morning so you could take pictures of a vaguely orange moon? Well you're a fucking moron and I don't have anything else to say to you. Good Lord, how do you live with yourself?


To Boldly Go

I have to say, I bet if you made some kind of vitamin-water drink called "Astronaut Pee" you would probably do brisk business among both the kids who like edgy/gross things demographic and those who are easily susceptible to claims about "ions" and "osmosis" and "Science." Given NASA's crash for cash right now it seems like it might be something worth looking into.

Photo by iurii, via Shutterstock


Time Lapses

"David Peterson edited a time-lapse video using photos from the International Space Station publicly available from NASA" is the explanation for this and yes, it sure is mesmerizing, the ineffable majesty of the universe captured and conveyed in the form of a time-lapse video etc. but my question to you is am I the only one who keeps waiting for a Tori Amos vocal to come in on the soundtrack? It sounds like it's going to turn into a Tori Amos song is what I'm saying.


See Mars Without Having To Hate Yourself For Being In A Planetarium

"Billions of years ago when the Red Planet was young, it appears to have had a thick atmosphere that was warm enough to support oceans of liquid water – a critical ingredient for life. The animation shows how the surface of Mars might have appeared during this ancient clement period, beginning with a flyover of a Martian lake. The artist's concept is based on evidence that Mars was once very different. Rapidly moving clouds suggest the passage of time, and the shift from a warm and wet to a cold and dry climate is shown as the animation progresses. The lakes dry up, while the atmosphere gradually transitions from [...]


Let's Laser The Hell Out Of The Moon

Now that NASA is using lasers to communicate with the moon, can we use those very same lasers to blow it the fuck up? The moon, I mean. I ask so little of you people, would it kill you to support me in my dream of seeing us destroy the moon? I mean, Christmas is coming. Come on. Just think about it is all I'm asking.


Later, Earth

"Eight years ago, NASA's MESSENGER spacecraft made a pass of the Earth on its way to Mercury. As it swept past our planet, it recorded a series of rearview images, giving us a stunning glimpse at what it looks like to depart our world forever." —Except for the quiet fade to black symbolizing the cessation of my consciousness and, therefore, existence, this is pretty much exactly what my most fervent fantasies look like.


Moon Explosion Video Not Explodey Enough

"An explosion caused by a meteoroid impact on the moon a couple of months ago was visible from Earth with the naked eye, according to Science@NASA. But don’t worry if you didn’t catch it — it was only noticeable for a moment." —Ugh, they are totally right about the way desensitization happens. It used to be that a simple video of the moon getting walloped by space would have kept me sated for days, but after years of poring over each and every frame of hot rock-on-moon action it barely registers; I need something considerably more graphic and extended to excite me now.


You Had Me At "Chucking An Asteroid At The Moon"

"NASA has some projects in the works when it comes to space exploration, but they're no big deal: Just grabbing an asteroid and throwing it at the moon, sending people to Mars and laying the groundwork for permanent human settlements in the solar system."


What Space Looks Like

The happy news that we will soon be able to use lasers to blow up all the garbage we have littered the cosmos with comes just in time for you to go look at NASA's newly assembled gallery of celestial images, so why don't you go do that? We'll still be here when you get back. [Via]


Why Are We So Stupid About The Stupid Moon?

"Knowing how the Moon was made is central to understanding Earth and the formation of other planets. Since the 1980s, work on lunar origins has focused on the 'giant-impact' theory. This proposes that the collision of another planet-sized body with the forming Earth generated a disk of debris that coalesced into the Moon. Such giant collisions were common in the Solar System during the final stages of Earth's formation 4.5 billion years ago. But we still do not understand in detail how an impact could have produced our Earth and Moon," says some [...]


What The Coldest Place In The Universe Looks Like

Here, via "astronomers using the Atacama Large Millimeter/submillimeter Array (ALMA) telescope," is a picture of the coldest place in the universe, and the only thing I can say that surprises me is that there is considerably less scarring and plaque than I would expect from a picture of my heart. [Photo of my heart credit: Bill Saxton; NRAO/AUI/NSF; NASA/Hubble; Raghvendra Saha]


Is Stupid Moon Stupid Because It's Too Young To Know Better, Or Just Because It Sucks So Bad?

"Improved age data for the Moon suggests that it is much younger than previously believed according to scientists presenting at a Royal Society discussion meeting entitled Origins of the Moon this week. Professor Richard Carlson of the Carnegie Institution of Washington will say that Earth's Moon is more likely between 4.4 and 4.45 billion years old rather than 4.56 billion years old, as previously thought." [Via]


Picture Of Moon, Like Moon Itself, Disappointing

Is this "the ultimate moon shot"? As it doesn't show the moon being exploded into millions of little stupid moon pieces that will then float off into space unmourned, never to reassemble themselves, I'm going to say "no," but your mileage may vary.