prison island
1

Treatment Australian

"Vets in Australia saved a dog from certain death — by getting him drunk in a 48 hour vodka binge."

2

What Australians Learn In School

Good lord, Australia, stop pelting your Prime Minister with sandwiches. I mean, unless that's a sign of respect down there, which given everything we know about that country it probably is.

5

The Disappearance Of Harold Holt

I have an odd fascination with the Prime Ministers of Australia. From Gough Whitlam, the only officeholder to be dismissed by the representative of the British (and, I suppose, Australian) crown, to Paul Keating, who proved that being super foulmouthed is not enough to guarantee your reelection on Prison Island, there are any number of fairly interesting stories. But it's tough to top that of Harold Holt, the man who went for a swim and never came back.

6

Australia's War On Camels

"We're a nation of innovators and we find innovative solutions to our challenges. This is just a classic example." —Tim Moore, managing director of Australia's Northwest Carbon, touts a plan "to kill all the wild camels that roam the outback as part of its contribution to fighting global warming. The 1.2 million camels, considered pests by farmers and conservationists, each produce a methane equivalent of one ton of carbon dioxide a year."

4

Pig Australian

"Feral pig ‘drinks 18 cans of beer, fights cow and then passes out drunk under tree’"

3

Australia Offers Rest Of World Brief Chuckle

"Investigations were under way yesterday into who lobbed Vegemite sandwiches at Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard as she toured a Queensland school."

5

Prison Island Woman Doesn't Know Her Place

"Australia's socialist PM under fire for failing to curtsey to the Queen (or bothering to wear a hat)"

13

Prison Island Celebrates Groundbreaking Of First Prison

Today is Australia Day, when those happy residents of Prison Island commemorate the arrival of a British fleet looking for a suitable place in which to outsource its penal system. But not every Prison Islander sees the event as a cause for celebration; many are upset that the Prison Island flag still contains part of the Knifecrime Island flag in its design. In a country not 35 years removed from the ouster of its Prime Minister by the Queen of Knifecrime Island's representative, the taint of British rule still rankles, particularly to those who call the holiday "Invasion Day." Will Prison Island grow up and throw off the shackles [...]

5

Come Visit South Australia, Where We Will Chop You Up And Turn You Into Sausage For Our Demonic Feast

"Just thought you might enjoy this singularly creepy tourism ad for the Barossa Valley in South Australia," writes a correspondent from Down Under. "The Barossa is a famous wine-growing and foodie area, so I can understand why someone thought 'Be consumed' was a killer line. Unfortunately when it's paired with Nick Cave's 'Red Right Hand' and South Australia's reputation as the serial killer state… well. 'You know you're never coming back', indeed." I kind of like this, but I am also of the opinion that pretty much anywhere you go in Australia you have even odds of ending up as the filling for a meat pie, so I guess [...]

1

Australians Foulmouthed

"A snack maker in Australia has won approval to call its product 'Nuckin Futs' after authorities accepted the f-word was part of the country's vernacular."

9

If You Meet An Australian With A Ned Kelly Tattoo, Politely Excuse Yourself

"Kelly is a dominant figure in the popular perception of Australian colonial history with quite disparate opinions being voiced. On one hand he is viewed as a common criminal given to cattle rustling and armed conflict with the police, while on the other he is viewed as an Irish freedom fighter standing up to the oppressive British authorities. On either side of the debate his image is generally taken as representing an anti-establishment position." —Roger Byard, professor of pathology at the University of Adelaide, discusses a study in which he found that Australians who have tattoos of legendary Prison Island bandit Ned Kelly "are more likely to die as [...]