There's a new pope! UPDATE: IT IS … uh, it's in Latin. Francesco something? JORGE MARIO BERGOGLIO. The world will not end after all, unless this latest Last Pope is the real Last Pope. There was white smoke, some inexplicable cheering, and then it was all over.

So … he's one of the oldest (the oldest?) cardinal there. He is an ultra-conservative Argentinian. And, after walking out and looking confused, as old men often do, said some terrifying thing about how he will bring about the End of the World. What's the translation here? No, he's from the end of the world. He's a time traveler. He came here [...]