The counterrevolution.¹ READ MORE

From time to time I am asked by young people for advice in matters of work and life, generally by people who have mistaken my age for seniority. I don't really have any advice, though, is the problem, beyond some basics and also "don't do what I did," but usually it goes like: READ MORE

The epic conclusion to an entire season of poetic football picks. READ MORE

1. Don't.

2. If you have to ride the subway, everyone else comes before you. It's known as yielding.

3. Is it rush hour? Don't bring your bike on the subway.

4. "But I just have to ride the train during rush hour!" Then only outbound in the morning, and inbound in the evening. Otherwise, you're an incorrigible imp. And you'll probably get a ticket.

5. At the turnstile, signal the MTA attendant in the booth by waving your arms wildly and gesturing to the gate (is there no booth at the entrance? Go the hell back upstairs and enter at a booth station entrance), swipe your Metrocard, spin the turnstile arm, walk over to the emergency entrance (if you didn't muck it up, the booth attendant will have unlocked it), walk through.

6. Don't ever, ever, ever carry your bike over a turnstile.

7. Stairs? You go last. (And now you must carry your bike.)

8. On the platform, make room. Plan to enter at either end of the train car.

9. Once on the train, don't sit down.

10. Don't lean your bike anywhere.

11. Don't lock your bike to a pole.

12. Don't straddle the frame.

13. Don't ride it.

14. Use the same attention you reserve for riding around buses and garbage trucks. Because, instead of dealing with wheels that will crush your skull, you have a train full of people who want to stab you until your intestines are a puddle on the subway car floor.

15. Hold the bar, hold your bike. In the event of sudden movement or (God forbid) an accident, you've just introduced a metal projectile to the train car.

16. Stand by the doors, you need to exit first. Last on, first off. Find a clear area on the platform. Wait a minute or two (or whenever the platform/stairs look empty, you weakest of the species), then make your next move.

17. In a city full of opinions, there's only one person whose judgment matters in this situation: Police. Listen up, or look forward to your marmalade p.b. & j. sandwich in The Tombs.

Last week, The Decemberists announced the release of a double live album, We All Raise Our Voices to the Air, on March 13. On that date, the Portland band, almost caricature-ishly known for their erudite topics and lyrics (Google results for “Decemberists” + “hyper-literate” = 49,800), will join KISS, The Allman Brothers, Peter Frampton, The Grateful Dead, Kraftwerk and Sting in the pantheon of artists who have documented their stage performances. The live album has fallen into mostly-deserved ill repute (Google results for “live album” + “hoary” = 16,000), but perhaps Decemberists leader Colin Meloy can refresh the tradition with his sesquipedalian panache. Here are a few guesses at the stage patter you might hear on We All Raise Our Voices to the Air. READ MORE

In 2008, Ars Nova, a small theater and development space on the far west side of Manhattan, staged a pirate/puppet rock musical called Jollyship the Whiz-Bang. The play was given a limited run, but was extended several times, revived in 2010's Under The Radar festival, and shot its co-creator, Nick Jones, into the peculiarly theater notoriety of someone who's been praised in The Times for "demented brilliance." First disclaimer: I was friendly with some Ars Nova people, and have a deep, weird love for puppets, so volunteered to spend a day helping paint puppets for Jollyship. Second disclaimer: I eventually saw Jollyship, I think, five times. Third disclaimer: I was working at an off-Broadway theater at the time, one that had no idea what to do with this sort of wonderful weirdness, but I ended up reading some of Nick's other plays. One was a musical about an architect that falls in love with his building (or maybe it was vice versa). There was also Straight-Up Vampire, a story of vampires and the American Revolution, set to the music of Paula Abdul. READ MORE