Oh Well
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Ancient Italy Thinks It's Modern Italy

On the one hand it is terrible that this astounding historical record of human civilization disintegrates in front of us while we are apparently unable to do anything about it, but when you realize that we are not too far away from everything looking like this it seems like preserving what will soon be just another pile of garbage in which our species once celebrated its supposed superiority is probably more effort than it's worth.

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NYC in 2017: A 7-Eleven and an ATM on Every Corner of Manhattan

"Last July, 28th Street sold 8,000 Slurpees for an average price of $2 each. On its best day, it sold 291. (Slurpees, Natapraya tells me, have 'unbelievable' sales numbers in Manhattan.) But back then Jemal’s gross profit on the drinks was a paltry 62 percent—he was losing too many bins of syrup to expiration because of overordering." —The rise of the New York 7-Eleven: "134 stores by 2017 is the target for Manhattan." The future's up to you! You buy a Slurpee, you seal the deal.

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Enjoy the Next Two Days Because Then Everything Will Be Terrible, Says Feng Shui Masters

“The combination of a Horse year and a 'yang wood' year, which comes round every 60 years, has a record of regional warfare. The last such year was 1954, which witnessed the Battle of Dien Bien Phu that ended with the defeat of France by the Vietnamese. The previous such year was 1894, which marked the start of the first Sino-Japanese war. Alion Yeo, another Hong Kong feng shui practitioner, predicted extra turbulence in February, May and August.” —2014 was relatively good, for 28 days at least.

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Gay Retirement Homes Are a Bust

"RainbowVision has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, wracked by financial problems and an increasingly bitter dispute between its residents and management. Its problems mirror those of many other gay retirement communities around the country that have either failed to open or fallen on hard times, victims of a weakened housing market, a deflated economy and, in some cases, poor business decisions." —Ugh, now we're all just going to die on the streets, with all our cats and cute furniture, while you straight people have all the resentful children to barely support you in your older years.

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U.N. Climate Change Talks End With Plans To Talk About This Again Next Year

Did you forget to stay up late waiting for results from the U.N. climate talks in Doha? Well, you'll be happy to know global warming is solved thanks to a bold consensus decision to take aggressive international action on carbon emissions and sustainability. No, wait, that is not what happened. Here's a typically sunny reaction: "It’s very, very depressing. There is nothing [in the text] at all on finance, nothing about emissions reduction, it's all about workshops and talk shops. There is no commitment by [by rich countries] on anything."

Then again, "low expectations" were the only expectation at all. Sorry, polar bears and etc.

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