OH MY GOD
1

The Only Man You Need To Hear Discuss Beyoncé

"Yoncé"/"Partition" I mean, this is the song of our times. This is great. Everything about this is great. Literally every sentient being in the universe is credited on this song, although it sounds to me like a Timbaland joint. I hope that the person who wrote the line “I sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker” got paid many euros. The video is happening and it is great and retro. I myself have not performed (or, for that matter, received) fellatio in a limousine, so I will take her word for it that if Beyoncé herself were, indeed, performing it, it would require her going upon her [...]

17

The Internet Ended With A Cat Slideshow And No One Noticed

Here, at "Shine from Yahoo!," you will find the most amazing use of the Internet.

It is a slideshow. It is a slideshow about cats. It lists the "10 most popular kitten names." From whence does this data come? "We culled our records and came up with the a [sic] current list of the 10 most popular cat names." So, did I mention it's a slideshow? The pictures in the slideshow are just OF RANDOM CATS. Not even actual cats who have those allegedly "most popular names." NOT EVEN CATS WHO ARE UP FOR ADOPTION OR ANYTHING. Not even very GOOD cats. Just plain cats.

The slideshow also [...]

18

Cigarettes Officially Banned in Times Square, Central Park

Shock and awe, people! The City Council did indeed ban all smoking in New York parks (and "pedestrian plazas," which is how Times Square gets in there). Start your lawyers! Tell it, Councilmember Erik Dilan: "I guess if somebody wants to have a cigarette, they have to smoke in a bike lane." Analysts estimate that the real winners in this legislation are those annoying, self-righteous people who begin to cough loudly and theatrically when they see you with a cigarette from twenty feet away; they finally have the opportunity they so ardently desire to get someone in trouble for doing something that brings them joy. The losers [...]