The nights are getting warmer and it won’t be long until summer comes! No offense, but this current season of spring has pretty much been crappy and we are now about a groundhog-hair away from being done with it. Yeah, as soon as all this pollen stops killing us, it’ll be summer time, and I know there’ll still Global Warming, but I want to have an enjoyable summer, so I’m basically not gonna think about Global Warming this summer, even when it’s 120 degrees and the pavement is soft enough to claim a shoe! Don’t wear flip-flops out on those city streets, people, please.
This summer, the one that [...]
Baseball Season is here, and if you are not very Sporty, you might be all like: "Baseball? Big deal, I don't care about your stupid 'America's Pastime,' it's just for awful horrible stupid average people who want to Conform and be Average Americans with their Coors Light and 'Two entrees and an appetizer for $20' at Chilis, and their porky insulin-shock-at-any-moment kids and Wal-Mart—or maybe Target because it has a Starbucks now—and a minivan—or better yet a Dodge Magnum station wagon—and "relaxed fit" jeans and XXXL sleeveless "muscle" shirts from Costco and coupons for Gino's Pizza Rolls and low-fat frozen fudge bars because those are healthier and 'hey, maybe we [...]
I hope you had a Happy Saint Patrick's Day, if you believe in that sort of thing, and I hope you are not ill from too much alcohol, the official drug of choice of Saint Patrick's Day. I don't judge, I mean, I like to drink and drunk, and if you want to get loaded because it's Saint Patrick's Day, or Tuesday, go for it. I just know what it feels like Later, after too much alcohol, so I'm just saying, I hope you feel OK today and that your liver is not trying to leave your body because you were trying to kill it with fun.
Soon, in [...]
Like millions of other loyal Americans, I watched the Academy of Oscars® telecast on Sunday, which the ABC televisioning network tricked me into starting at 7 p.m., with the pre-game, where for 90 minutes they ask actor-people about their feelings and what clothes they are wearing by which designer of clothes, but I stuck with it, the broadcast, not only in appreciation of the forced awkwardness and yelling-at-the-teevee entertainment, but to also maybe gain a bit of valuable practical Fashion information I need. Clothing!
If I were a he-actor attending one of these high-profile affairs, I would totally wear a nice dress normally associated with female clothing, especially Adapted for [...]
I hope everybody had a good Super Bowl, and even if you didn’t Observe it, you mighta been able to have a less-annoying grocery experience, shopping outing, or possibly enjoy a less-crowded movie theater or exercise gym because of the whole XLVII thing, so it was Good Times for America, especially since that whole deal with the lights going out in the Mercedes-Benz stadium in New Orleans wasn’t Terrorism or whatever, you know? Just for a minute, I thought maybe it was.
For your too-much-information, I enjoyed Super Sunday, and I support legislation to make the day after Super Bowl, aka “Super Monday” the National Hangover Holiday of America, especially [...]
I just got done watching the Golden Globes show on TV, and that’s fun, to sit there with some bacon & horseradish dip and say shitty things about people who are famous. Also to make fun of the clothes these celebrities wear, mostly the women, because the men generally look the same, but if you put ‘em on a sliding scale and concentrate, you can make proportionately weighted fun of the men for managing to look not quite right in a tuxedo because they couldn’t just go ahead and wear a regular tux like all the other guys, they hadda stand out, so they show up in a bad bowtie [...]