I dig sports, so I was watching "Game of Thrones" on Home Box the other night and there was this part where a dude was being super-rude to a lady, but he was doing it in a Foreign Language from errbody else, so he thought he was slick. However, the person he was being rude to was the chick who has the fire-breathing dragons, and she came up hard, and she does not play. Spoiler alert. Aiieeee!

All the people on "Game of Thrones" pretty much speak the "Common Tongue" or whatever they call it on the show (if they call it anything) and nobody gets bent outta shape if [...]

I know it's only April, but I wanted to get a jump on the Commencement Addresses for various Colleges, Junior Colleges, Trade Schools, and other institutions of Higher Learning, while reminding everyone I am available for such speaking engagements, to inform and inspire the Youth.

Here is the "Uncorrected Proof" of my current address to the Recent Graduate. It helps to imagine it being read in a shouting voice.

"See your future, be your future" is not just a line one may quote from the movie Caddyshack, starring Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, and Rodney Dangerfield, it is a Way to live one's life. Like millions of people, I bet, [...]

Today is April 1, a/k/a "April Fools Day," and I don't like it. All this thing is about is making people feel bad. I have never read about or even Googled "April Fools' Day" to find out where this April Fools crap came from and why it is here, because I don't care. I don't like it, April Fools' Day, and I don't want to know anything about it. I just want it to Not Be.

Besides, whatever: it's probably just some dumb Ancient and/or Religious thing, I bet, that got all repeated and repeated over Time and became stupider and stupider and eventually congealed into this annoying "April Fool" [...]

Personally, I do not believe in Daylight Saving, which we (as in U.S.) are "in" right now, Timewise. Professionally, however (or maybe I should say "professionally" in quotes), I am Societally forced by The Man to conform to the so-called "Daylight Saving" in order to appear in the office at my job and stuff according to Daylight Saving O'clocks, which, in case you are unfamiliar with Time, means that right now you pretend it's an hour later than it really is until 2 a.m. ("Daylight Saving Time") on Nov. 10, 2013, and then you "Fall Back," and "gain" an "extra" hour of sleep or whatever other fun you might be [...]

As predicted in the previous installment of Mr. Wrong, here are my Oscar® picks. I am showing clips of my picks on the New York Times thing they have for Oscar® Picks, and I am not Plagiarizing the New York Times, OK? If you do the thing on the New York Times you could win an iPad, so go do that, and that explains why I have pictures of my picks from the New York Times here, it's "Fair Use," and I'm a Journalist, HAR.

I feel pretty good about my picks and I'm putting five bucks into my regular Oscar® pool, where everybody picks all the Oscar®s, [...]

AARRROOOO!!! Now, right now, is Super Bowl! This week! The most American week of all! Super Bowl has more America™ in it than Fourth of July, Election Day, the Academy Awards, NASCAR, and Tet all rolled up into one, and now is the time when America has Super Bowl all up in it!

Super Bowl is here for America, the Whole America! Super Bowl is here for you! Even if you don't want it! Especially if you don't want it! Super Bowl will football you until you love it! Super Bowl is here for the 47%, and the 98%, and the 99%, and it is brought to you by the [...]

I don't know about you, but I am tired of this New Year already, you know? Over it! And I blame Last Year and thinking about Last Year and a Look Back at Last Year and Last Year in Review. Can we just have regular time all the time now? Isn't it time to do stop doing this and start doing that? Can we just have Normal Year this year? No Rear in Review-Preview stuff? No more New and coming soon, just, now? Just, like, more days, onward in one-day increments? No more looking back? Or forward? Or anything? Can we just do stuff? Let's review 2013 now, OK? You [...]

Not that you asked, but when it comes to the more Labor-Intensive aspect of availing myself of the Facilities, as it were, I generally prefer to handle my Business, if you will, at home, in the privacy therein and so forth. Every once in awhile, in my workaday world, in an extreme circumstance, I may find a need to be alone with my thoughts while in an office environment, uncomfortable as I may be with the entire process. It helps to read most of this in a phony English accent, I think, like one of those powdered-wig lawyers on Public Television. Go on, start over and see if it helps. [...]

I know it's Springtime and it's supposed to be renewal and flowers and budding trees and things like that, but I'm tired of stuff right now, you know? Among certain other things that happened this week, there is also like this thing with the goofball in Korea who is gonna launch a nuclear missile on his grandfather's birthday or something? It's depressing!

We (as in U.S.) might set fire to the sky over this guy's country because he says he has a nuke missile and he wants to use it, you know? Doesn't this guy know how dangerous We The People are? Look what we did to a country [...]

Passover begins tonight, and while I do not worship the G_d of Israel, I dig matzo and Observing this Religious occasion because I was raised on Television, where one of the best things I was conditioned to enjoy when I was a child was this movie they put on every year around this time called The Ten Commandments, by the movie director Cecil B. DeMille, and starring Charlton Heston, who would later go on to be a gun enthusiast and star in even cooler movies where he would do stuff like fight apes on a whole planet full of them, be The Omega Man, and tell everybody what [...]

Before I begin the next episode of the Mr. Wrong column, which is on Vacation, topicwise, and simultaneously "on vacation," I want to remind all you Gentle Readers that this is a column. According to the Collins English Dictionary, which was the first thing I found on the Internet when I Googled "History of the word column" at it, a column is—in the number five (b) slot of meanings of the word "column"—supposed to be: 5. journalism a. any of two or more vertical sections of type on a printed page, esp on a newspaper page b. a regular article or feature in a paper: the fashion column [...]