The lies of fashion were many and various today. And they were all aimed at the lesser, more worried sex.

1. PLEATS ARE BACK said the Murdoch St. Journal.

2. Perma-tied bow-ties are ALL THE RAGE, says the Gay Lady (that is the styles section of the New York Times).

Pleats are not back—the evidence was even sketchy in the "trend" piece, as they lumped in Prada with the four makers of pleated pants, with Prada's unpleated but darted pants. (There is a particular Prada pant infesting the stores right now that has 100% vertical pockets and is shaped pretty much like a jodhpur. It [...]

In these overclocking times, watches are nothing but a giant wad of burned cash hanging on your wrist. They're like a vulgar codpiece of consumption, but, like, on your arm. They are, almost, evil.

They're heavy. They're annoying. They're pretty much duplicative. They're one more thing to sweat under in summer. They leave very awkwardly shaped tan lines. Also, yes, sometimes they're very pretty!

Look down. Can you see your knees? Today's a Thursday, so then you had better either be south of the 30th parallel north—Shreveport, say!—or "working at home" and totally naked.

Because if you're in the office, and you work anywhere but the International Society for the Advancement of Shorts, you should go home and change.

The question has even been asked: can a man wear shorts at all, ever, anywhere?

While I am indisputably correct on most matters of men's office fashion, I have a somewhat minority opinion on ties. Among them: I do not believe that men need very many, nor need those ties be very elaborate. Most men can get by with maybe three or four great ties: one fun, one somber and one a nice solid blue. Those who wear ties to the office each day can get by with just seven to ten, if they wish, though it's more fun to have a hundred. And most of us can leave brown dotted ties against gingham to the professionals, as displayed in the Tom Ford [...]

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It's been a long road: we've talked about pretty much everything that could be considered attire of any form for men, really, from bags to shoes to ties and hats. Phew! So we're ending with four great questions from readers. You guys are the best.

Tucking It In

I am happy with many of my sartorial choices but if there's one thing that terrifies me it's tucking my shirt in. My wardrobe right now mostly works around this: in pleasant weather (when I'm dressing nicely) I generally wear either vaguely hip polo shirts or short-sleeve button shirts that look decent (if slightly [...]

Hi. Guess what I'm wearing right now? That's right. Shorts. It's hot out! And it's after Memorial Day. Everything changes now!

And so, five quick guidelines for summer dressing—from head to toe. All over your body, as the poet sang.

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If you can believe it, there are different kinds of collars on shirts that men may wear to work and play. And some of them are better for you, and for situations, than others! Do you want to talk about this with me?

"Button-down" is the most misused word in men's clothing. A button-down, you know, is a men's dress or "business" shirt which has collars that are each secured down to the front panel of the shirt by… a button! Shocking, I know. But we have become confused however with the button-front shirt, which nearly all men's office-type shirts are, as they have buttons as well, just down the front, not at the collar-tips, and also the popular phrase, "button-down culture," which technically means a culture of uniformity. (And when I say "dress shirt," I do not mean the shirt intended for use in formal evening wear, or what we would [...]

There are many wonderful types of pleats in human clothing. Men benefit from almost none of them. Women, they get several specific varieties of pleat, nearly all of them terrific. Cute little knife-pleat skirts that go whoosh! Dramatic dresses that bulge and shrink! Men get, what—an attractive way for shirt arms to narrow as they approach the cuff. Or a nice way to gather and "box" fabric just above the middle of your shoulder blades. Also, zzzzz.

Worse, pleats also come to harm us. The most odious affliction of mens' clothing is the reverse pleat at the front of many of your man-pants. Oh wow, you might [...]

Since time immemorial, man has been forced to carry bags. Even worse: In much of my office-going life, I've been forced to carry a laptop to work. This has created Man Problems for myself, in needing to have a piece of small luggage that is also sturdy enough to protect said laptop. I had a very chic and nearly perfect slender black Lacoste shoulder bag that fit the computer perfectly, even in its little padded case. And then one day on the L train (of course) I shifted my coffee and my iPhone in my hands and it slipped off my shoulder and dropped all of 2.5 feet [...]

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With the sudden arrival of spring, a diversity of mens' shoes blossoms! The slushy shoes of winter are over!

So, this is a very complicated time to get dressed. Times photographer Bill Cunningham declared the death of "dress down Friday," as he was seeing people dressing way, way up. And while he's always right, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's true in your office. But what it does mean is that you can often dress in the way you see fit. Often, it's easiest to start dressing from the shoes up.

And do you even know what kind of shoes you're wearing right now?