How We Will Die
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Terror Will Be A Surprise, For The Nation's Terror Detectors Do Not Work At All

The government wants to turn your phone into a chemical weapons sniffer. Through the Department of Homeland Security's "Cell-All" program, all of America's proud citizens will be walking anthrax and biological terror detectors, which will be just about a thousand times more creepy than those ominous white boxes that you see chained up in the subway stations, hissing quietly. These machines also have cameras, so that, when they are set off, security agencies can decide whether it was a sarin gas attack or just a janitor with some ammonia. Which happens ALL THE TIME. Because, over the years, the BioWatch program has been responsible for dozens [...]