"A new drug that could provide new treatment for a range of obesity related disorders without a need to hit the gym has been developed by scientists. Researchers claim to have created the pill, which they claim provides all the same benefits of exercising without the exertion." There are the usual caveats about how the pill is not meant to replace exercise, but hahaha yeah right. The last time you're going to see me exert myself is when I open the top of the bottle. Then it's off to the couch for a leisurely day of "working out."

Further reasons to not work out: "A lean, muscular person will be less affected by drink than someone with more body fat: Water-rich muscle tissues absorb alcohol effectively, preventing it from reaching the brain."

Looking for a reason to avoid doing yoga other than the fact that the people who do it are stricken with some terrible disease where all they can talk about is how great yoga is and how terrific they feel and the sense of inner peace and blah blah blah namaste? Well, also it will mess you up. Mess you up bad. Just stay sedentary, we all wind up in the same place at the end.