Here are some tips on how to make that double chin go away. In pictures, at least.

Although I’m huge on newspapers, no New York newspaper seems to fit my demographic: aging socialist who only wants to read the Sports Page and Garfield. I give up on newspapers ruthlessly and as permanently as I can. The Boston Globe and The New York Times were the first to go by the wayside. The Globe because The New York Times destroyed it, and then The Times because of their craven build-up to the Iraq War. That, and all their annoying Brooklyn trend pieces. I read the Boston Herald in Boston, minus the entire front section (except the always-enjoyable “The Inside Track,” because I want to know what Matt [...]

"If you want to keep Google from combining your Web History with the data they have gathered about you in their other products, such as YouTube or Google Plus, you may want to remove all items from your Web History and stop your Web History from being recorded in the future. Here's how you can do that." [Via]

Christmas is nearly upon us. Are you prepared? Let us help with this guide to gifting for every occasion. All of the gifts here are certified by us as things that people actually would truly like to receive this holiday season. (Hint, hint.)

JUST TRINKETS

Hermes leather coffee cup holder. $195.

Why write about anything? In the print edition of today's New Yorker, John McPhee discusses rambling and thrashing his way into profile-writing.

Who woulda thunk that Business Insider, of all places, would provide an absolutely perfect and handy primer on the current state of banking and all the reasons you really should be marching on Jamie Dimon's house? And yet here we are! It's a wonderfully comprehensive and quite digestible little textbook on the real and astounding place we've found ourselves.

New York City has a 24-hour-subway system, gay marriage and David Chang. What we don't have are rolling suburban lawns on which to accommodate Charbroil Offset Smokers when we want to char the hell out of some animal flesh. With Labor Day fast approaching, 4th floor walkups and a lust for a perfectly grilled ribeye will soon collide, and an urban grillmaster will have to adapt. Here’s how (with bonus Beer Can Chicken recipe)!

Do you suffer Computer Back? I do. Mine is caused by the terrible habit of hunching over the laptop while also curling my legs under the chair in a sort of corkscrewed position that is osteomuscularly nightmarish but somehow conducive to concentration. When I stand up I look like a stooped, slightly concerned turtle. Now, lots of people have Computer Back, and nearly everybody with whom I've talked about it has, at some point in the conversation, brought up the fact that Philip Roth works at a standing desk. That tidbit, you'll remember, came out in a 2000 David Remnick profile, and it apparently haunts the imagination of everyone [...]

Easter Egg Jesus

Description: “My 5 year old created this egg using a Tie Dye Egg kit. This is better than the Jesus grilled cheese, better than the Jesus cheeto, and definitely better than the George Washington chicken nugget. And I'm sure that a 5 year old girl in the Midwest could use a little more money in her college account. Sale is final.”

Starting Bid: None, although there is a “reserve” that is not specified.

Current Bid: $.99, which is not yet enough to reach said reserve.

Item Location: Mason, MI

I'm not sure that I'm sold on this new book, but I'm DEFINITELY pro any venture that is in favor of real-talking women about straight men. People don't break up with people enough! Go on, break up with someone today! If you love something and it doesn't love you right back, stab it until it loves you correctly!

Coming across a guide of "18 Common Phrases to Avoid In Conversation," I was struck by the rightness of the article's aim: Some things should indeed never be said. But the alternate conversational choices offered by the magazine seemed a bit passive aggressive to me —for example, "Is everything OK?" as a substitute for "You look tired." Naturally, I felt it was my duty to come up with some satisfactory alternatives.

Don’t say: “I could never wear that.” Why: It can be misunderstood as a criticism. (“I could never wear that because it’s so ugly.”) Instead: Suppose you meet up with a girlfriend at a party and her outfit [...]

So you’ve hooked electrodes and power couplings to an old-fashioned carousel in an abandoned amusement park on the outskirts of town. Or you’ve outfitted a Harley-Davidson with a flux capacitor—a classic. Or, my personal favorite, you’re using depleted uranium to turn the underused freight elevator in your building into a time-ship. As a soon-to-be time traveler, the last thing you want is somebody telling you “Do this!” and “Don’t do that!” You're about to become a pirate on the open waves of the ocean of time. Good for you! It's sure to be a wonderful adventure. One no doubt filled with romance, knowledge and treasure. But here, humbly, are a [...]

Poetry occupies a cultural space in Contemporary American Society somewhere between Tap Dancing and Ventriloquism. People are certainly aware that poetry exists, but this awareness comes upon them only vaguely and in passing moments. During commercials, mostly, which feature corporate poetry. When people think of a poet, perhaps they imagine the finger-snapping beret-wearing beatnik. Or the slammy mike-wielding poet-ranter. Both proud poetic traditions. But most people who write poetry are people just like yourself. Scruffy, broken wordpals. In the age of Twitter, casual word-shaping may be at its all-time high worldwide. As we attempt to fit all the meaning and emotion we can into a few short lines, no doubt [...]

All abrim with dewy naiveté, I started by setting up two bins. (Metaphorical bins. They were really Word documents.)

One bin had to do with mood. I threw into it everything that felt the way I wanted The Magician King to feel. It didn’t matter if it all fit together, I just threw it in. I’d connect the dots later. The second bin had to do with the book’s actual plot. There were certain sorts of things that I wanted to have happen in the new book, certain scenes I knew I wanted to write…. Once the bins were full, I had a pretty good idea of the [...]

Have you ordered flowers for your mom yet? Mother's Day is this Sunday. Here's what you need to know.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the Great American Novel if your name is George R. R. Martin or Suzanne Collins. You guys are doing great; somebody give them genius grants. I had never before read a 1,000-page book, and now I’ve read like 5 of them. If Westeros had subways things would move along much faster, George. Think about it. (Unless it was a weekend! Then they’d have shuttle buses between King’s Landing and Riverrun like only once every few hours. Ugh!) And obviously Katniss Everdeen should have dated both those dudes in the book rather than suffer the guilt and sorrow of having to choose just one. Let’s [...]

First things first: Murder is wrong, OK? But let's say, hypothetically, that you're considering committing one anyway: how would you do it? Practically everyone wants to murder someone. That jerk that got the job you want. That guy who gets all his books reviewed while your books don’t even get published. That handsome, horrible dude everyone loves when only you know he is a complete fraud who must be exposed. Jonathan Franzen. Maybe you want to murder novelist Jonathan Franzen. Let’s say you do. You want to stand over Jonathan Franzen's wrecked body as it bubbles over with his own blood. You’re laughing and he’s just kind of lying [...]

"If the Scottish parliament votes to have an independence referendum, that's a vote that we would have to respect and we would have to allow that and enable that to happen." —British Prime Minister David Cameron, June, 2011.

Scotland may leave the United Kingdom. This stark truth has escaped the notice not just of the international community, but of most British people too. They don’t really yet believe that our country could once again be split just north of the wonderfully named border town of Berwick-upon-Tweed.

Life north of that border has always been different, with a separate legal system, currency, and, of course, wedding outfits, [...]

On Tuesday, October 18th, just two days before he was executed, Time suggested Muammar Gaddafi as one of its "10 Best (Topical) Halloween Costumes for 2011." "You'll need," Time suggested, "An unruly black wig (or this mask)."

Time linked to the "Daffy Gaddafi Mask." But while it is certainly daffy, it's hardly the only Gaddafi mask available. It's also not the only assassinated terrorist leader costume this Halloween.

You will be alone. There are reasons for that, but they don't make much of a difference anymore. Your flaws, your indecisiveness, the sad upbringing you never quite got over: none of that matters now. You are alone and the flood is coming. You should make sure you're dressed comfortably; you don't want to be wearing any constricting clothes. Climb to the highest point you have access to, which is probably your building's roof. Stand up straight, facing away from the oncoming surge. Take a deep breath. Consider the totality of your life. Forgive everyone you feel hard done by. Forgive yourself for everything you've done wrong. Remind [...]