Barack Obama is big into the fist-bumping.

It is maybe a bit unfair of me to suggest that this slideshow was borne out of laziness. It could just have easily been borne out of desperation, I guess.

The Daily Beast scares you straight today, warning about the "30 Pastas That Kill." The culprits include cabonara (a knife man), alfredo (usually a sniper but has been known to plant a car bomb or two) and gorgonzola, a sadistic fuck who will beat you with his fists for several hours before finally putting a bullet in the back of your skull and dissolving your body in a vat of lye. Thank God we've been warned.