Another year, another exciting four hours of campy delight from our friends in Europe. On Saturday, Düsseldorf played host to the Eurovision Song Contest. This year featured more boy bands, more hair product, and more monocles than any other Eurovision. You read that right. Monocles.

If you're tragically unaware of the Eurovision Song Contest, the basic idea is this: participating countries in Europe and vaguely Europe-adjacent areas submit a song that has not been used previously for commercial purposes. Everyone performs, and Europe picks their favorite by a combination of popular vote and jury panel. You cannot vote for your own country, which means that voting quickly morphs into [...]