Today's the day, and we're covering it live!

1:03 PM: Steve Jobs takes the stage. Audience goes crazy.

1:05 PM: Jobs waits for sustained applause to end, calls crowd "suckers."

1:09 PM: Jobs shows audience a white ball attached to a white paddle via a white rubber band. Product name is "iPaddle."

1:10 PM: Audience applauds enthusiastically.

1:11 PM: Jobs: "That's right, you trend-sucking freaks, worship at my altar. I could connect two Dixie cups with a string and you'd pay extra for the privilege of advance ordering it. You sicken me."