And That's When I Clicked "Close Tab"

Trollery Successful

"Laura Ustick was fiddling with her phone at a bar on a Friday night when she noticed a glaring hole in the phone's lexicon of emojis—those pictogram-like characters that some people ignore and others have adopted as a second language. There are emojis for ice cream, puppies, cars, pizza and sushi, but not for the all-American hot dog."


Please Don't Let Any Of These Tech People Fuck Each Other And Make Little Tech People Babies

"Andrew Vecchio, the co-founder and CEO of Startup and Tech Mixer, wanted to make it absolutely clear that his Friday night event — with 2,500 attendees, a bouncy blowup game of Twister, and a mechanical bull in downtown San Francisco’s W Hotel — was not a party. 'We don’t use the word "party." [...]


The Year-End Couple Review: Supposedly A Thing

"My husband has a stack of year-end reviews on his desk—reviews from his bosses, reviews by his peers, reviews of his staff. And then there's one from me. What started as a joke between us 10 years ago—over piles of socks left on the floor—has become a yearly tradition: our year-end review as a couple."


Bear Article Painful Even By Terribly Low Standards Of Tabloid Zoo Stories

"How do you say 'Voulez-vous couchez avec moi' in ursine?"


All Turtleneck-Wearers Are Bad Men

"This season, there are more ways than ever to wear turtlenecks." [Via]


The Internet That Wasn't

"If everything had gone according to plan, the Internet as we know it would never have sprung up." I clicked 'close tab' just because, you know what, I would like to savor the fantasy of a world with no Internet as we know if for just a little while longer this afternoon; you should feel free to click through if you like. I'm just going to stay here dream a little longer, if it's alright with you.


Writer Would Prefer You Not Mention Where She Lives, Because Categories Trouble Her

"Of all the things I’ve been called in my time, the one that surprises me the most is 'California Writer.' When I hear that, I look over my shoulder, certain that the phrase must apply to the writer behind me or to my left. It’s the way I feel when I am addressed by my husband’s last name. It takes me a moment to realize his mother is not in the room. Categories trouble me."


Peer Pressure's Heyday Was Apparently In The '90s

"Peer pressure has dissipated since its ’90s heyday, but the adolescent flat world is harder to navigate"


Forget It, Jake, It's Kristallnacht

"Five days on, the commentariat continues to drop anvils on Tom Perkins, who may have written the most-read letter to the editor in the history of The Wall Street Journal. The irony is that the vituperation is making our friend's point about liberal intolerance—maybe better than he did."

Ha ha, how on earth.


Even Cold Weather Is No Defense Against Trend-Sucking Idiocy

"As New York's Cronut craze enters its first winter"


Hot For Fall: Hair Above Your Eyes

"What men want is eyebrows—or 'guybrows,' as Mr. Gafni calls them—that look polished but not at all tweezed."


Man Full Of Words

"When I started writing my first book in 2003, I’d been blogging for more than three years."


Grateful Dead Stickers Were The Hoodies Of Their Day

"It's easier for me to identify with Trayvon Martin than George Zimmerman. As a teenager, I discovered what it was like to be hassled by a strange community's Neighborhood Watch, whose members once profiled me and my beat-up car with the Grateful Dead stickers parked on their leafy street after dark."


Woman Waits One Sentence Before Mentioning Her TED Talk

"'Sitting has become the smoking of our generation.' I argued this in my recent talk at TED2013"


Fake Cigarettes Spawn Fake Subculture

"E-cigarettes have become a smoking-hot topic. They’ve sparked a variety of debates, about everything from how they are marketed to where they should be allowed to be used. But something’s been lost in the haze: E-cigarettes are fascinating technological objects. Blow past the big names like NJoy and Tru and you’ll discover that e-cigarettes have spawned a 'vaping' subculture." [Via]


Man Acquires Money, And Then Houses

Today's least offensive Times op-ed (we can't even talk about this) begins like this: Just five years ago, Adam Fleischman was in a two-bedroom rental with his wife and their year-old son, fumbling around for a career that might stick. Screenwriting hadn’t worked out. Same for finance. He was 38 and, he told me, “It was do or die.”

Today he owns two houses here, one with six bedrooms and a makeshift vineyard out back. He said that he’s toying with the idea of a third in London.

That's about the founder of Umami Burger, but: it seems like that's all people can think to do when they [...]


Flashy, Empty And The Big Guys Take Most Of The Money: American Business Or TV Show?

"If you want to be reminded of why American business is one of our country’s greatest assets, not something to bemoan, spend your Black Friday evening watching 'Shark Tank.'"


Let's Not Say "'Buch"

"Since 2007, their kombucha blends like Straight Up, Red Ginger and Lemon Drop have been sold in bottles and on tap at New York's food markets and grocery stores. As business began to boom, Eric and Jessica [...]


Oppressed Group Strikes Back Against Its Tormentors Using Their Own Hurtful Words

"But with two business degrees and a seven-figure investment portfolio of her own, Adams wants to 'reclaim' the label 'trophy wife' and re-define it more positively:"


Fame-Averse Egg-Tosser Hopes To Maintain Her Anonymity By Writing Bylined Piece In The Guardian

"On Saturday evening, after serious consideration, I decided to make a little act of protest about something that matters profoundly to me. Before any explanation of that gesture, I'd like to apologise unequivocally to Richard and Adam, the contestants whose performance I disrupted; I was planning to do it once the song finished, but I got a bit nervous and went slightly early. I sincerely apologise for overshadowing their moment and to anyone watching and in the live audience who felt that their evening's entertainment was marred, or even ruined. However, I am not sorry for pelting Simon Cowell with eggs.

I have no desire to be famous [...]