Tell me, Muse, of the men and women of many ways, who were driven far journeys, after they had fled Madison's shining Capitol. Hard was their exile amid the labyrinth toll roads of northern Illinois, many their adventures, narrow their escape from the wild monster Rahm, new king of Chi-town, who is said to rip the fucking heads off men and devour them. Speak of the bloating effects of Endless Pasta bowls, the huddled iPhone calls with constituents at wind-swept gas stations, and these brave heroes' diligence in keeping up with the email streaming ever daily through their state accounts. Then caught up, here, goddess, begin our story on [...]