Man Goes Hungry
Man, "The Simpsons" really did predict everything, didn't it?
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Restaurant Open On Valentine's Day
Keep your eye on WALB reporter Dayne Young. Sure, right now he's just covering south Georgia, but one need only observe the effortless charm he exudes as he pulls off the most difficult of local news maneuvers in the middle of this report on Valentine's Day dining at the Tifton Waffle House—suddenly, rather than just narrating the action, he's part of it—to know that this kid is going places. You heard it here first.
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Florida Florida
I'm kind of amazed that we are still arguing about fluoridating the water here in 2011, but I guess I shouldn't be, because THIS WHOLE COUNTRY IS CRAZY, especially Florida. [Via]
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A Narrative Of Summer 2011 Told Solely Through The Last Lines Of Items On Jim Romenesko's Obscure Store
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Man Takes Expensive Leak
"It’s really an unfortunate incident that probably could have been avoided if he had just chosen a bush," says Portland, OR, police spokeman Pete Simpson. He is referring to 21-year-old Joshua Seater's decision to urinate into a local reservoir. "By daylight, the Water Bureau decided to drain eight-million gallons of water to the tune of $32,700 tax payer dollars." (The reservoir supplies residents with drinking water.) It is unclear what punishment, if any, Seater will face, but I'm pretty sure no one will ever pee in this reservoir again. No way. People are gonna do things that are MUCH WORSE.
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Where America Still Wins
"Go into the kitchen of a Taco Bell today, and you'll find a strong counterargument to any notion that the U.S. has lost its manufacturing edge. Every Taco Bell, McDonald's, Wendy's, and Burger King is a little factory, with a manager who oversees three dozen workers, devises schedules and shifts, keeps track of inventory and the supply chain, supervises an assembly line churning out a quality-controlled, high-volume product, and takes in revenue of $1 million to $3 million a year, all with customers who show up at the front end of the factory at all hours of the day to buy the product. Taco Bell Chief Executive Officer Greg [...]
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I Think I Will Not Go To The GOP Convention In Tampa This Summer
"It is unclear how disarming law-abiding citizens would better protect them from the dangers and threats posed by those who would flout the law." —Florida governor Rick Scott, explains his decision to refuse Tampa mayor Bob Bruckhorn's request that he sign an executive order to ban the carrying of concealed weapons at the GOP convention which will be held in the city in August. Here's a scenario: One of those who would flout the law pulls out a plastic toy gun in a crowd. Then, 200 law-abiding citizens pull out their real guns and start firing in a legal act of self-defense. But they all have bad [...]
1
The Story Of The Singing Donkey
This story starts off sounding like a classic barnyard joke ("first she played for the cows") but it ends up being rather sweet. As someone who believes that the joys of rural life are best experienced at a vast remove, if not theoretically, I can absolutely get behind this video. But she should really get her son away from the fence before that donkey bites his head right off.
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Legendary Chupacabra Discovered In Wherever Prince Georges Is. Delaware Or Something? One Of Those Mid-Atlantic States You Drive Through On Your Way To Somewhere Else. Yeah, I Think It's Delaware.
"The legend of the so-called chupacabra started on June 1, when Prince Georges Hospital Center went smoke-free, forcing folks to come into the woods to have a cigarette." —Smokers! Is there anything they can't do? (Aside from walking up stairs without wheezing.)
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Congress Gets Down To Business
"Friday’s action was the third light bulb-related vote in the House this month."
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We Love And Fear Guns
How are American states, the laboratories of democracy, currently handling the issue of firearms? Let's look at two of them. First up, California: Responding to a movement that promotes the brash public display of firearms, state lawmakers on Tuesday moved forward legislation that would outlaw the open carrying of unloaded handguns in public places. Four previous attempts in the Legislature to prohibit the practice have failed over the last seven years, but the proposal has taken on a heightened profile this year in the wake of organized efforts to encourage others to show up at rallies and meet up at restaurants while carrying guns in visible holsters.
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Mailman Does Very Bad Thing
I cannot think of a more succinct statement about the state of the nation than this one: "He started pulling his pants down and started defecating and at that point I grabbed my camera and started to take pictures." [Via]
2
Congressman Endorses Kutcher
"Yes it has been a successful transition. Despite of Sheen’s great talent on the set, his life-style off the screen ultimately caught up to him. I look froward to Ashton having a long and equally complex character, because of his fine acting and of course the writing that transcends both stars. I liken this to the transition that have occurred from Sean Connery all the way to Daniel Craig." —Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA), Chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, believes that "Two and a Half Men" has survived the transition from Charlie Sheen to Ashton Kutcher. [Via]
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Pay Or Burn
Remember last year when we heard about that house in Tennessee that firefighters refused to put out because its owners had not paid their annual fire subscription fee? And everyone was all, "You're kidding, right?" Well, they were not kidding then and they are not kidding now. Not burning to the ground is a privilege, not a right. How long before cash-strapped municipalities start going up to random homeowners and saying, "Nice house you got here. Be a shame if it caught fire, wouldn't it?" I would not be shocked to learn that it is happening already.
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Fried Gum: The Latest Innovation In The Vital Deep-Fried Sector Of The American Economy
Say what you will about the death of manufacturing and the stagnation in wages that have ripped asunder the American dream: We are still beating the world in discovering new ways to insert cholesterol into our bodies. And once President Perry takes charge, the sky is the limit. I wouldn't be surprised if we see deep-fried clouds! [Via]
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It Is Probably Not A Good Idea To Stick A Gun Down Your Pants
"Whenever you handle a firearm, whether you are a novice or experienced, always treat firearms as though they are loaded. If you are going to carry a handgun on your person, use a holster, not your waistband." —Chandler, AZ Police Detective Seth Tyler urges citizens to take more care with their sidearms in the wake of an incident in which a man accidentally shot himself in the penis with his girlfriend's pink handgun. [Via]
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Wal-Mart Is Weird
What kind of crazy crap is happening at Wal-Mart RIGHT NOW? "Maybe a man dressed in a cow suit, crawling on all fours, will steal 26 gallons of milk from a Wal-Mart and hand them out Robin Hood-style to patrons in a parking lot, as allegedly occurred in Stafford, Va. in April. Perhaps a glazed-eyed 20-year-old will take a truck filled with 338 boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts from a Wal-Mart before police find him drowsy and in possession of a bag of marijuana, as authorities say took place in Ocala, Fla., in March. Or perchance a rapper named Mr. Ghetto will shoot an unauthorized, sexually suggestive music video [...]
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D-Day Commemorated With Paint, Balls
"The field sorts out the men from the boys. The adrenalin is just cranked. It's stressful." —"Andy Van Der Plaats, a 64-year-old marketing consultant from North Fort Myers, Fla., and a high-ranking officer in the Allied paintball chain of command," discusses the paintball tournament in Oklahoma in which "some 3,000 people will relive the events of June 6, 1944, D-Day, when German-occupied France was invaded by Allied Forces, marking a turning point in World War II. This year's Oklahoma version will mark the 14th time a D-Day-style paintball game has been staged. There's an Allied side and a German side, of course, and even the French Resistance is [...]
