A study has found
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Crocs Climb Trees

"Dinets and his colleagues observed crocodile species on three continents—Australia, Africa and North America—and examined previous studies and anecdotal observations. They found that four species climbed trees—usually above water—but how far they ventured upward and outward varied by their sizes. The smaller crocodiles were able to climb higher and further than the larger ones. Some species were observed climbing as far as four meters high in a tree and five meters down a branch."

–Pictured: a crocodile that has climbed a tree.

Photo by Kristine Gingras

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No Girl Wants To Fuck Your Narrow-Faced Ass Now But One Will Eventually Marry It: Science

"Women looking for a short-term fling are more likely to be drawn to men like Gerard Butler, Johnny Depp and David Beckham than Adam Levine or Jake Gyllenhaal, according to the findings of a recent study. After observing more than 150 men and women ages 18 to 32 over the course of several speed dating events, researchers found that men with wider faces were rated as more attractive and dominant among the female participants. On the flipside, because a wider face has also been linked to negative traits like aggression, the study hypothesizes that women are less [...]

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People Who Are Always Going On About How They Need Coffee Aren't Just Annoying, They're Sick

"Despite the American Medical Association’s declaration that the moderate intake of caffeine is not harmful, new research suggests that some people have serious withdrawal symptoms that may be dangerous. Caffeine is such an ingrained institution that most people make jokes about being dependent on a favorite caffeinated beverage to make their day whole. A new study, however, suggests more people are dependent on caffeine to the point that they suffer withdrawal symptoms and are unable to reduce caffeine consumption even if they have another condition that [...]

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Sucker Yourself To Sleep

You know what, if you had a bunch of people from Science come to my house and lecture me about slumber I would probably fall fast asleep too.

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How To Get Rid Of Bad Memories

"Men in their 40s who drink just two pints of beer a day risk accelerating mental decline by up to six years by the time they reach retirement age…. Moderate drinking, defined as less than 2.5 units a day – roughly a pint of beer or a large glass of wine – was found to have no effect on memory, reasoning or problem solving. But men who drank more than 4.5 units a day – less than two pints or two large glasses of wine – suffered a deterioration in their ability to recall information, the equivalent to an extra six years of ageing."

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Coffee Drinkers Never Forget

"Caffeine enhances consolidation of long-term memories in humans," says some guy who comes from Science, which is all well and good until you remember that your long-term memories are full of disappointment, sadness and outright horror, at which point you may also recall that there is a solution to erasing those memories, [...]

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Why The Media Power Couples Are Laughing At You

"Smug Couples Patronize Singles to Feel Better About Themselves"

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Is Sitting Around Giving Everyone Diabetes?

"The increasing number of people in developing nations who own televisions, computers and cars might explain rising rates of obesity and type 2 diabetes in those countries, a new study suggests."

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Kids Who Like Caffeine Like Other Good Chemicals Too: Science

"New research discovers a strong link between teen consumption of high-caffeine energy drinks and use of alcohol, drugs, or cigarette smoking. Investigators found that nearly one-third of US adolescents consume high-caffeine energy drinks or 'shots.' Researchers believe the same characteristics that attract young people to consume energy drinks — such as being 'sensation-seeking or risk-oriented' — may make them more likely to use other substances as well."

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Everyone Bad At Fucking

"Sex problems do not only affect middle age and older people — teens and young adults have difficulties with sex too, a new study from Canada shows."

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Your Desk May Be The Reason That You Eat Like The Disgusting Animal You Are

"According to a University of Minnesota study published in Psychological Science, clean desks do tend to influence us to make healthier food choices than we would if we were surrounded by unorganized piles of papers and files, with pens and paperclips and the sort scattered about. A clean environment also makes some of us more generous and less likely to commit crimes — even litter!"

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Scientists Identify "Maleness"

"A new research study has discovered that people can reliably sense when a change had occurred in a person, even when they could not see exactly what had changed. University of Melbourne researchers believe this capacity explains what is commonly called a sixth sense, or extrasensory perception (ESP). For example, a person might notice a general change in someone’s appearance but not be able to identify that the person had had a haircut."

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Sleep More, Stupid

"A new study shows that just one night of sleep deprivation increases morning blood concentrations of NSE and S-100B — molecules typically found in the brain. Researchers from Uppsala University in Sweden say the rise in concentration of these molecules in the blood may indicate that a lack of sleep may contribute to the loss of brain tissue."

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How To Stop Being Such An Angry Dick

"Uncontrollable anger could be cured by taking aspirin after scientists found excessive bouts of rage may be the result of an inflammation in the body. Intermittent explosive disorder, which is sometimes known as ‘anger syndrome’ usually begins in late teens and is defined ‘as a failure to resist aggressive impulses.’… However researchers in the US found that people diagnosed with IED had higher markers of inflammation in the blood than those with cooler heads and average tempers."

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Being Cold and Shivering Is Technically Exercise: Science

"Shivering in the cold sparks a series of biochemical reactions deep within the body that alters fat cells and bolsters metabolism, much as formal exercise does, according to a fascinating series of new experiments. The findings intimate that exercise and shivering are related in ways not previously suspected." Unfortunately, this study also finds that working out in the cold is no better than working out in a comfortable environment. Also God clearly does not want us to be healthy; every conceivable route to a fitter body is littered with land mines of pain and discomfort. Just stay in bed and order a delivery meatball sandwich. It's what He [...]

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Tiny People Have Massive Insecurities

"Feeling smaller makes people feel paranoid, mistrustful and more likely to think that people are staring or talking about them, a study by Oxford University finds."

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Science Discovers The Revenge Fuck

"'People really do use sex as a way to get over or get back at their ex-partner in the aftermath of a breakup,' said study researcher Lynne Cooper, a psychologist at the University of Missouri."

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Do You Have The Funny Kind Of Crazy?

"'The creative elements needed to produce humor are strikingly similar to those characterizing the cognitive style of people with psychosis – both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder,' said Gordon Claridge of the University of Oxford's department of experimental psychology, who led the study. "Although schizophrenic psychosis itself can be detrimental to humor, in its lesser form it can increase people's ability to associate odd or unusual things or to think 'outside the box. Equally, manic thinking – which is common in people with bipolar disorder – may help people combine ideas to form new, original and humorous connections."

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Fuck Yourself Smarter

Having sex may make you smarter, although any increase in intelligence you obtain will almost certainly be offset by the fact that you learned about this story from the Daily Mail.

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Here's Who To Blame For White People

"Light skin in Europeans stems from ONE 10,000-year-old ancestor who lived between India and the Middle East, claims study"