Tuesday, August 24th, 2010
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Poor 'Scott Pilgrim': Michael Cera Scares The Olds and Irritates The Youngs

Let's go back in a time machine to 2003. Ron Howard and Brian Grazer and pals come out with a new TV show and all of sudden everyone starts to notice a shy, quirky, weird kid playing a character named George Michael played by actor Michael Cera. The awkward deadpan character seemed to strike a chord with younger audiences. The marketers get excited!

Nine movies later, seven of which feature Cera as a lead, romantic or comedic, he's now the target of something mildly interesting, pop-culturally: outright hatred.

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19

Weezer's New Single is Worse than Nickelback's New Single

This is "Memories," Weezer's recently released first single from their upcoming album Hurley. (YES: THAT HURLEY, who graces the cover.) The album has been the subject of some buzz lately, because many fans quietly hoped that Weezer's switch to Epitaph would improve the band's sound, maybe make it a bit more grounded than their last release, Raditude. Well… the song is better than the first single off Raditude, "(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To."

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16

So Wyclef Jean Is Actually Running for President of Haiti

This morning, singer and songwriter Wyclef Jean announced in an hour-long radio show that he'd file papers by Saturday to run in the Haiti election, to be held in November. (Candidates will be deemed to "qualify" on Aug. 17.) Yes, the election for president. Of the country.

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8

Baseball-Playing Chimp Validates Internet

Every few days something truly insane comes along and reminds us all what the internet is for: pornography and videos of animals acting like people. So, thanks to the fine folks at Urlesque, here's a clip of a chimp in Japan playing baseball. Knowing what we do about Japanese television, this is either from their "Frontline" or their "Fox and Friends."

In unrelated Japanese baseball news, there is this amazing clip, which, sadly, has no chimps, but is still pretty cool if you like baseball.

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4

Cinematic Killer Robot Musical Intrigues

If you only watch one 49 second trailer for an Indian 3D robot musical today, please re-evaluate the choices you've made in your life that brought you to where you are right now. Also, make it this one. Endhiran is a big-budget Indian musical scored by A.R. Rahman, the soundtrack of which is already doing really well on iTunes. According to io9, the movie's plot is fairly complicated but apparently follows a father who makes a robot friend for his son and then the robot may or may not go on a killing spree. Either way, I dare you to read this or anything else about [...]

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30

A Brief History of Kanye West's Twitter

So last night professional crazy person Kanye West opened up a Twitter account after performing a mysterious and confusing (but kind of awesome) a capella performance at Facebook HQ. If you were lucky enough to start following him last night you either stayed up late into the night waiting for his next insane, misspelled (but again kind of awesome) Tweet or awoke this morning to a torrent of craziness. So, without further introduction (or parentheses) here's our guide for understanding the unhinged tweet-rantings of Kanye West.

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9

A Gift for White People: Lil Wayne's '(500) Days Of Summer' Mixtape

"This is not a mashup album, this is an album about Wayne." That's the tagline accompanying a new mixtape circulating around Tumblr that mashes-up the lyrical stylings of Lil' Wayne with the soundtrack from (500) Days Of Summer. The biggest shocker of all though is probably that it's kind of awesome? I mean, for goofy looking white people, Lil Wayne was already pretty great, but now here he is rapping over a Zooey Deschanel sample and The Smiths (at the same time!). Go download this and then think for a long time about your life and wonder if it should be legal to rap over Hall And Oates. [...]

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28

Zero Percent of People Would Pay For Twitter

In an absolutely shocking survey that will forever alter the way human beings relate to each other, USC's Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism's 2010 Digital Future Study discovered that a whopping zero percent of participants would consider paying for a service like Twitter. And that's just one of the many kick in the balls to "new media" brought to light by the survey. It also found that 70% of participants find online advertisements annoying and 50% never click on advertisements. Good luck making money now, social media dweebs!

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55

Helpful Explanations: Understanding the Gawker v. 4chan Thing

Now, I don't want to beat a dead horse, but this is the internet, and beating a dead horse is an Olympic sport around here. So for those of you seemingly out of the loop about this Gawker v 4chan nonsense, here's a bit of context.

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27

The 'Twilight' Movies End in Horror

If you haven't read the Twilight books (or, like me, read the plot summaries on Wikipedia), then you may not know how the shiny vampire series ends. So I won't "spoil" it in the interests of bringing you this insane and terrifying quote from the screenwriter. But now that I've given you the chance to look away…

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16

Michael Jackon's Estate To Possibly Become State Park

This is one of those news stories where the jokes practically write themselves. But we think this is a fantastic idea, to adapt Neverland Ranch into a park, because, I mean, what else would you do with it? The only other thing you could probably do is turn it into some kind of museum of insanity or maybe erect some kind of giant pillar covered in glitter as a memorial. Actually, a giant Washington Monument covered in glitter sounds kind of awesome. Why aren't all national monuments covered in glitter? Thoughts?

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21

Coheed and Cambria Covers The Smiths (What?)

In a move that is probably due to the Large Hadron Collider making everyone in the world insane because of neutrinos and what not, Coheed and Cambria, the prog-rock band that mostly writes about spaceships and evil alien empires, covered The Smiths-they did a cover of "A Rush And A Push And The Land Is Ours," off The Smiths' last album Strangeways, Here We Come. The cover isn't terrible, but it does have that nagging "fantasy rock" sound that seems to accompany a lot of the band's music lately. But if you can get past the goblins and trolls vibe, it's pretty neat. And if you haven't heard [...]

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11

Turns Out All American Colleges Are Actually Giant Daycare Centers (Duh)

In another "shocking news to no one" research project, The Delta Cost Project discovered definitive proof of what everyone in world has been thinking since the 1950's. The report, "Trends in College Spending 1998-2008 [PDF]," concluded that colleges and universities from all over the country are literally throwing money at high end student centers and methods of increasing "comfortability" for students (and we mean literally, like administrators are actually having huge money fights). The story has been picked up by news-soup extraordinaire The Huffington Post who linked it to a New York Times article trying to explain the, ya' know, frivolousness of American higher education. [...]

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5

Israeli Soldiers in Ke$ha Dance Video Ordered to Make Rebuttal Video

The Israeli soldiers that took a video of themselves dancing to "Tik Tok" are now being ordered to make an anti-soldier-dancing video to educate and prevent the possible spread of military-endorsed pop music dance videos. Ynet broke the news of the new anti-soldier-dance education video. In a published statement, the IDF explains how displeased they are that their men and women in uniform are waking up in the morning feeling like P Diddy. Well, isn't that just a bummer. I bet those soldiers are real sick of the blah, blah, blah coming from their superior officers, har har.

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5

Smart Tank Provides Eco-Friendly Alternative To Warfare

Gizmodo has a picture and a little more information about this strange take on going green. But until the mystery of why this thing exists is solved, we think it's safe to speculate that it's probably meant for capturing the local Starbucks in some kind of trendy-liberal version of The Road. Imagine a violent future where roaming militias turn local Jamba Juices and Trader Joe's into hideouts while fighting over WiFi hotspots to maintain their doomsday blogs.

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11

Study Says: "Many English Speakers Cannot Understand Basic Grammar"

In shocking news to anyone that hasn't read a YouTube comment before, a new study on grammar out of Northumbria University reveals that most people have absolutely zero idea on how to formulate a sentence. On the results of the study Dr. Dabrowska writes: "These findings are ground breaking, because for decades the theoretical and educational consensus has been solid. Regardless of educational attainment or dialect we are all supposed to be equally good at grammar, in the sense of being able to use grammatical cues to understand the meaning of sentences." Don't be too alarmed: the study took place in England.

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12

BaTMAN and RoBIN Being Produced In Labs

And by that I mean they're starting a quantum mechanics-based method of increasing efficiency among troops. Or in layman's terms: creating hulking, bloodthirsty, atomic supermen capable of eating bullets and using psychic lightning bolts to blow up terrorists (I mean, what else right?). Yes: BaTMAN: Biochronicity and Temporal Mechanisms Arising in Nature. RoBIN: Robustness of Biologically-Inspired Networks. Probably just a coincidence, then isn't it? io9 is geeking out on it and Wired's The Danger Roomis into the science. Our biggest concern: I want it known that if you Google-image for "Batman and Robin," the first thing that comes up is a picture of them kissing.

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8

Pennsylvania Widow Still Lived with Husband, Sister

According to the AP, a 91-year-old woman was found living with the corpses of her husband and twin sister. As widow Jean Stevens puts it, "death is very hard to take." So is taking out the trash apparently! No, but really, I mean, I've heard of some boring house guests! No but seriously, the grieving process is a tough thing for everyone. [via Buzzfeed, via AP video, via your nightmares.]

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