Monday, August 25th, 2014
2

The Time I Worked at That Celebrity Bakery

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, Becca Laurie tells us more about some famous people who enjoy eating cupcakes.

@katespencer i worked at a bakery that a lot of celebs liked. i still remember who treated me well (and tipped more than a few pennies)

— Becca Laurie (@imbeccable) August 12, 2014

Becca! So what happened here?

A decade ago, I applied for a bakery job on a whim. I had no experience, and I’d never been to this specific bakery before. I was out to dinner with [...]

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6

Why You Should Never Call Before a First Date

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, comedy writer (and interim Hairpin editor!) Michelle Markowitz tells us more about contemporary dating communications etiquette.

Swingers, 2014. (Addendum: none of my advice to guy friends has ever actually worked) pic.twitter.com/vVRYYLQjb9

— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) August 7, 2014


Michelle! So what happened here?

One of my guy friends was telling me about a girl that he was going to ask out. He was asking if he should text her to ask when she could talk on the phone, thinking that if the phone [...]

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5

When a Housing Inspector Says It's Illegal to Keep a Bicycle in Your Garage

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, Eric Spiegelman tells us what happens when a housing inspector declares your private garage a bike-free zone.

Eric! So what happened here?

A city housing inspector came by my building. I live in this fourplex, which is really two duplexes on different streets. I think what happened is that one of the tenants in the lower duplex complained to the housing department because the landlord wasn’t making repairs. I think this because he cornered me one day and told me he couldn’t turn off the faucet [...]

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0

What to Do When Your Skate Breaks in the Middle of a Roller Derby Tryout

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, writer Sara Morrison tells us more about what it’s like to try out for a roller derby team and then have your skate break.

Roller derby tryouts! QUEEN ELIZADEATH II RIDES AGAIN — oh wait my skate just broke. Thanks @iSkateRiedell!

— Sara Morrison (@SaraMorrison) July 19, 2014

Sara! So what happened here?

There was once a time when I lived in Los Angeles and played roller derby for the Los Angeles Derby Dolls and was known as Queen Elizadeath II, and it was [...]

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3

The Dangers of Recovering Your Stolen Bike from Somebody Who Is Much Larger Than You Are

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, college student Michael Rosen tells us more about what it’s like to have your bike stolen and then have to confront someone stronger than you later on in order to get it back.

Not fun: getting your bike stolen. Also not very fun: seeing your stolen bike w/ a group of homeless people and asking for it back

— Michael Rosen (@michaelrosen3) July 19, 2014

Michael, so what happened here?

Really, this whole ordeal is Richard Linklater’s fault. That sounds like a non sequitur, but I [...]

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15

How to Work for the Enemy and Feel Just Fine

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, writer and co-founder of The Toast Mallory Ortberg tells us more about what it’s like to work at a famous conservative think tank.

I used to intern at the Hoover Institution AMA

— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) July 7, 2014

Mallory! So what happened here?

Oh! I forget how this came up, exactly, but yes, for one summer I was one of several interns at the Hoover Institution, which is a fairly conservative public policy think tank attached to Stanford University, and woe betide you if you [...]

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6

When a Hot Cop Pulls You Over

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, writer Ruth Graham tells us more about what it’s like to be pulled over by a highway patrolman sent from heaven.

Just got pulled over by an absurdly hot cop, and he let me off with a warning. #usa

— Ruth Graham (@publicroad) July 4, 2014

Ruth! So what happened here?

It was the 4th of July, and I was driving alone from my house in rural New Hampshire to join my very best friends at our summer rental in the Catskills. We have [...]

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3

The Beauty of a Pissing Contest

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, writer Cat Ferguson tells us more about a weeklong pissing contest she undertook with her roommates.

i told my roommates about this study and now they're measuring how long it takes them to pee http://t.co/XaLLEnn7Hp pic.twitter.com/MtliELwqEQ

— cat ferguson (@biocuriosity) June 25, 2014

Cat! So what happened here?

I just moved back to New York City after moving away in 2010 for school. I’m subletting in a loft where I don’t have walls or a door, which is a little terrifying and weird, especially [...]

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2

Against 'Alan'

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, writer Alan Hanson tells us more about why the name Alan is terrible.

my dad is getting mad at me for shitting on his middle name pic.twitter.com/7DMAgcPOXm

— Swizz Keats (@iluvbutts247) June 9, 2014

Alan! So what happened here?

I was on my lunch break and texting my dad when that thought crossed my mind, definitely not for the first time. My dad’s name is Kirby Alan Hanson, so that’s where my name comes from, and I’m pretty sure there isn’t any deeper connection to [...]

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13

The Case for Drunk Texting Mom

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, VanityFair.com critic and columnist Richard Lawson tells us more about the horrors of accidentally sending the wrong text message to your mom.

Cool beans. Sent my mom a text about Fire Island plans that was meant for a friend. So I'm committing seppuku now

— Richard Lawson (@rilaws) June 17, 2014

Richard! So what happened here?

I was coming home from a staff drinks kind of a thing and was juggling several text message conversations, one with my mom who just visited me and my sister [...]

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0

Why You Should Never Go Home

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, writer Kevin Nguyen tells us more a recent family reunion.

Family reunion: 13 people in a 3-bedroom house with 1 bathroom.

— Kevin Nguyen (@knguyen) May 24, 2014

Kevin! So what happened here?

I was in Sacramento for Memorial Day weekend to visit my mom’s side of the family—aunts, uncles, cousins (SO MANY COUSINS) visiting from all over California. I hadn’t seen them in about four years, and I forgot how we cram ourselves into our grandparents’ house and sleep on shared beds and [...]

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66

How Not to Let Your Small Child Pee in a Public Park

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, writer Gabe Roth tells us more about the perils of letting your preschooler pee in the park.

NY Parks cop who busted my three-year-old for peeing in the grass at a picnic: Thanks for the early lesson in the authoritarian personality!

— Gabriel Roth (@gabrielroth) May 28, 2014

Gabe! So what happened here?

We were at Brooklyn Bridge Park, at a picnic to celebrate the end of my daughter’s first year of preschool. It was about six in the evening, just starting to cool [...]

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11

The Dangers of Playing 'Magic: The Gathering' in Public

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, PolicyMic writer Jared Keller tells us more about adults who like to spend time playing "Magic: The Gathering."

Two grown ass men playing Magic in Herald Sq pic.twitter.com/2klxhwB0eM

— Jared Keller (@jaredbkeller) May 16, 2014

Jared! So what happened here?

I just started a new job a few blocks off Herald Square, and while strolling to catch the 1 downtown, I spotted two gentleman engaged in a highly intense game of "Magic: The Gathering" in a near-empty Subway. It was a sort of [...]

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10

A Drone Tried to Kill Me at a Gizmodo Party

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, Hausfrau magazine editor Stephen Kosloff tells us more about what it’s like to have a drone smack into your head and cut you up while you’re trying to play some foosball at a Gizmodo party.

I am now the only person I know who was wounded by a #drone at a @Gizmodo party. #tech pic.twitter.com/VdhiNS6RPX

— Stephen Kosloff (@stephenkosloff) May 22, 2014

Stephen! So what happened here?

I was celebrating closing an ad deal for my magazine, and by “celebrating,” I [...]

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4

I Lost Control of My Fake Tweet

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, writer Patrick Mortensen tells us more about what it feels like to have some joke thing you put on Twitter go viral and then spend the next few weeks regretting it.

haha I made an autocorrect shortcut on my mom's phone to replace dirty laundry with the text of Ulysses #lol #momfail pic.twitter.com/cc63FUb8m7

— Patrick M (@MrBikferd) April 25, 2014

Patrick! So what happened here?

A few Fridays ago, when I should have been focusing on something else, I tweeted a [...]

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22

I Just Ate Fruit for the First Time and It Kind of Sucked

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, writer and editor Joe Veix tells us more about what it was like to have lived 26 years without eating any fruit.

I'm 26 and have never eaten fruit, AMA!

— Joe Veix (@joeveix) April 24, 2014

Joe! So what happened here?

It’s true, I’ve never eaten fruit. I’ve had avocados and tomatoes, but I’ve been told those “don’t count.” I’ve also never had juice, though I do drink red wine. That’s technically juice, right? 


To be clear, I’m not just being picky. [...]

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1

How to Avoid Raising a Monster

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, writer and ThinkUp cofounder Anil Dash tells us more about how raising a kid affords one all sorts of opportunities for mischief.

There are waaay too many moments that tempt me to raise a horrible child. Anyway, my son now says "Sous vide me!" to indicate it's bathtime.

— Anil Dash (@anildash) April 19, 2014

Anil! So what happened here?

The most immediate prompt for the tweet was that my wife was talking about dyeing Easter eggs with my son—a project that they’d never done [...]

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2

The Sublime Beauty and Terror of Public Domain Flickr

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, writer and editor Josh Fruhlinger tells us more about the ridiculous things one sees while searching through Flickr.

cool perk of doing tech slideshows: judging whose fingernails are least gross in creative-commons licensed pics of various gadgets on flckr

— Josh Fruhlinger (@jfruh) April 21, 2014

Josh! So what happened here?

For one of my freelance gigs, I write a couple slideshows a month on tech topics for ITworld. This may sound like dull content creation drudgery, but I get to do them on [...]

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5

The Perils of Extreme Pubic Grooming

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, New York magazine sex columnist Maureen O’Connor tells us more about clitoris threading.

Today in horrific Gchats from friends: "I went to this Indian hair removal lady and she threaded my clit. It hurt SO BAD."

— Maureen O'Connor (@maureenoco) April 9, 2014

Maureen! So what happened here?

I was Gchatting with my friend Beejoli, when she informed me that a freak hair-removal incident had nearly resulted in her clitoris getting ripped off by a rapidly whirling piece of string.

My exact response:

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1

How To Ditch Your Job And Flee The Country

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, producer and editor Mike Byhoff tells us more about what it’s like to leave your job, get on a plane headed for a country you know nothing about, and then spend a month abroad without an agenda or being able to speak the language.

Leaving for central america for a month in 12 hours and don't speak spanish and have basically no itinerary what the fuck am I doing.

— Mike Byhoff (@mbyhoff) February 28, 2014

Mike! We spoke at the end of February after [...]

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