Tuesday, July 31st, 2012
8

Why We Hate-Search

This #NoBollocks content was produced in partnership with Newcastle Brown Ale. If you enjoy this article, won't you be a love and watch a TV commercial on the Internet? Go on, it's right there on the right.

In 1956, the great science-fiction writer Isaac Asimov published “The Dead Past.” In the story, scientists and the government clash over the Chronoscope, a machine that can let a viewer see as deep as the ruins of Carthage, but is restricted for mysterious reasons. (Reader, halt. If you’ve yet to work your way through Asimov’s oeuvre and would like to absorb the climactic twist of this story on your own, skip [...]

---
11

Words Used Ceaselessly on HGTV’s “Property Virgins” That, Divorced From Context, Have Been Arranged In Tercets To Sound As Naughty As The Show’s Title, Without Even Using “Washer/Dryer”

Entertain

Closet

Lifestyle Access

Private

Bush  

---
65

Let Them Eat Baby! The Terrifying New Practice Of The Cake Gender Reveal

Immediately after my mother gave birth to my brother, the legend goes, she demanded three things of my father: a crate of avocados, a six-pack of beer and an entire chocolate cake, which last she devoured entirely, bed-bound, before moving on the rest.

I believe and like this baby story, because, unlike so much of today's newborn lore, it is neither self-congratulatory nor solicitous of sympathy. (Unless one feels for the prospect of my father trying to locate a crate of avocados at 7 a.m. in the Bronx.) I also like it because it involves beer, and chocolate cake, two things that have historically gone great with baby.

[...]

---
58

Letters I Would Consent to Have Sex With, in Descending Order

1. I 2. J 3. L 4. P 5. O 6. Q

---
---
77

The 45 Greatest Teen Titles You Have Never Heard of From the Era When They All Mentioned "I," "Me," "You" or Some Other Key Person That Are Not 'Are You There God? It's Me Margaret'

45. Where Has Deedie Wooster Been All These Years?

44. Trying Hard to Hear You

43. To All My Fans, With Love, From Sylvie

42. The War Between The Pitiful Teachers and the Splendid Kids

41. The Son of Someone Famous

40. The Late Great Me

---