Friday, April 27th, 2012

On That Terrible TV Show About Girls Having Sad Sex!

I hate to be the 8-millionth person to jump on the bandwagon, but we need to talk about that show about young women on TV! In it, a group of young women have awful, degrading sexual relations due to their economic circumstances, and try to convince themselves that it’s anything but degrading. The characters are desperately struggling to make ends meet, but nearly every problem can be solved with a man ejaculating to an incongruous indie music soundtrack. And our heroine, with her back against the wall and not a dollar to her name, does what any woman in her situation would: get a job at a sensual massage parlor [...]


A Non-Reader's Guide to Sarah Palin's "America by Heart"

Introduction Palin comes out firing with the controversial claims. For instance: Calvin Coolidge is “one of our most overlooked presidents.” Doesn't Glenn Beck hold a patent on making it seem like the people who held power right before the Great Depression were American heroes? Sarah also makes reference to “my beautiful grandbaby.”

The introduction ends with this rather disturbing mission statement: “This is my America, from my heart, and by my heart. I give it now to my children and grandchildren, and to yours, so they will always know what it was like in America when people were free.” (Just for starters, this presumes that there will still [...]


Two Men Named David Barton: How To Tell Them Apart

There are something like 300 million people in America. That's a lot, and so some of them are bound to have the same name. And when that happens, the only logical thing to do is to make a chart.

In this case, we present two David Bartons.


Where's the Ground Zero Terror Mosque? 39 Experts Explain!

39. "three blocks from the Ground Zero site in New York" – John Nichols

38. "two blocks from the site where nearly 3,000 Americans were killed by Islamist terrorists on 9/11" – John McCormack

37. "2-3 blocks from World Trade Center" – Yahoo! Answers

36. "mere blocks from the site of worst terrorist attack in U.S. history" – Daniel Halper


Their Eyes Were Watching Porn

Considering that you are on the Internet right now, the odds are that, if you're not in an open-plan office, either your previous or next visit will be to a porn site. And when you do so, you may do it in your browser's "privacy mode," in order to cover your digital footsteps. But maybe you should hold off for a minute on that. A very important new study explains that the authors "show that many popular browser extensions and plugins undermine the security of private browsing." The long and the short of it? If you are on the internet looking at porn, you are not safe. And worse, [...]


A Brief Tour Of Defenseless Ground Zero

When it comes to the Cordoba House / Park 51 project, better known as GROUND ZERO TERROR MOSQUE, it really is not worth discussing with people down in Lower Manhattan. That is because they do not really want to talk about it.


How to Cheat and Plagiarize Your Way Through College

I think for a while we've all had a sense that there was a problem in our schools. Poor test scores, failing public schools, achievement gaps, all that bad stuff. We know that the Internet has made it impossible for young Americans, people barely eligible to vote while playing the lottery in a strip club, to "grasp that using words they did not write is a serious misdeed." In other words, we are not good at cheating anymore.


Let's Meet 'Charlie St. Cloud' Author Ben Sherwood All Over Again

If you've been out and about lately, or even if you've stayed in-you really can't hide from this-you've probably noticed a media blitzkrieg for something called Charlie St. Cloud. But before it was a movie, it was a novel. Originally titled The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud, any copies you find of it now will likely be of the NOW A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE variety and have Zac Efron dreamboating the hell out of the cover.

That novel's author is Ben Sherwood. He's not an old man-only 46 now-but his fame and controversy extends back rather far, to his days as a Rhodes Scholar.


Why Doesn't Barack Obama Wear Shorts?

Barack Obama just about never wears shorts. So far as I can tell, there were two instances at a beach in Hawaii, one time when he went golfing, and another when he was playing basketball, that he has been photographed wearing shorts. (And yes, "board shorts" are swimsuits and they don't count.)


Ernest Hemingway Stories As Told By George Plimpton

Since we're talking about Ernest Hemingway today, as it would be his birthday-here are a few stories from George "And a hot plate!" Plimpton about the man.


A Fairly Comprehensive List of Everyone Who Hates LeBron James

The LeBron thing happened and he went to Miami, and you may be left wondering how to react to the whole thing. Does he love me? Does he want me? Is he going to call me like he said he would? Is this really his real phone number? Worry not, the Internet has been really busy telling you how to think about this.


Jerry Springer's "Baggage" Is The Greatest TV Show Ever

Would you rather go home with a man who had a nose job, must have his nipples bitten during sex and wants to get married and have children now-or one who lives with two tigers and ten pit bulls, must have lights on during sex and built a bomb shelter for the apocalypse?

Would you rather date someone who sleeps with his eyes open, whose job is his number one priority, and who lives with a former lover-or someone who talks during movies, whose mom comes before his girlfriends, and who's a "3-minute man"?


An Insanely Detailed Guide to the 2010 NBA Draft

The NBA Draft: it's where dreams are made, franchises broken and Patrick O'Bryant mercilessly mocked. Where ESPN TV announcer Jay Bilas goes on and on about teenage boys' length (and it is still okay to do that without any tinge of irony?), where suits range from the file cabinet to the Colonel Sanders to the vanilla sheriff to whatever this and this are. The draft kicked off with NBA honcho David Stern at the lectern at Madison Square Garden, home of the New York Liberty. He put the Wizards on the clock and then we are treated to a flashback to the Kwame Brown era. That's a decidedly mean-spirited [...]


At the 2010 Scripps National Spelling Bee

There was a moment, at the 2010 Scripps National Spelling Bee this weekend, when the stylishly-hatted 11-year-old David M. Habibi got the word "schadenfreude," and after exclaiming "Yes!" at getting a word he knew, spelled it correctly. And then while he was walking back to his seat, pronouncer and 1980 champion Dr. Jacques Bailly all but pulled a Mean Joe Greene on young David by sneakily congratulating him, as David was walking away, on having just become a big brother.