Despite the media attempts to create a sense of drama, the 2012 presidential election is so excruciatingly boring. (Didn’t you hear? Obama’s won already!) Luckily, there are elections happening all over this grand democracy. And it's the local races where all the real excitement happens. The reason is simple: when you get down to city politics, particularly small-town politics, everything is personal. Got any skeletons in the closet? Chances are half the town knows about them. As for conflict of interest, well, in a small town everyone’s related to someone, and many government officials serve multiple roles—a lack of “segregation of duties,” as it were.
My family is intimately [...]
Zero minutes after incident (a.i.) Pain. Ow. That’s real pain. I move her off me and roll onto my stomach. Miscalculations have happened before; a few seconds of discomfort and then it's go time again. I roll back over and look down to see if it’s go time again. I rise up off the bed: "Yeah, this… this isn't right." I sit back down. The woman beside me looks so horror-stricken, I try to sound especially calm when talking to 911. I don't tell the operator it's so swollen and purple that I'm afraid it'll burst at any moment. Instead I say, in an even, measured tone, “My penis is [...]