1:34 PM Wednesday, October 15th — Free donuts for the Dough opening Location: 14 West 19th Street Length: A hundred and ninety-two people with inner Homer Simpsons Weather: 77 and partly cloudy Crowd: Local office-workers, for whom a free donut is probably the highlight of their week Mood: Excited enough to make me question whether or not these people need anymore sugar in their systems Wait time: Fifty minutes Lingering question: How long can one function at work after consuming a Dulce de Leche donut?
12:46 PM Thursday, October 9 — Soup kiosk Location: Prince and Mercer Length: Eleven people, five cardigans Weather: 68 and partly cloudy Crowd: Solo Soho soup slurpers Mood: Noodle-y Wait time: Five minutes Lingering question: Do you want bread with that?
9:08 AM Thursday October 2 — iPhone 6 Line at the SoHo Apple Store Location: Still Greene and Prince Length: Still sixty-four people Weather: Still 63 and Partly Cloudy Crowd: Still ninety-nine percent professional line-sitters Mood: Still undercharged Wait time: Still several hours Lingering question: Still?
1:12 PM Thursday, September 25 — Shake Shack Location: Madison Square Park Length: Forty-one people, thirty-one umbrellas Weather: 63 and rainy Crowd: Unflappable fry fans Mood: Soggy on the outside, crispy on the inside Wait time: Eighteen minutes Lingering question: How much rain does it take to stop the Shack?
5:26 PM Thursday, September 18th — iPhone 6 launch Location: Greene and Prince Length: An entire block Weather: 75 and sunny Crowd: Two hundred or so professional line-sitters, with a few fanboys scattered throughout Mood: Undercharged Wait time: One. More. Day. Lingering question: Does the apple fall far from th… oh, fuck it.
4:18 A.M. Monday, September 8 — NYU Orientation Location: Bleecker and Mercer Length: At least two hundred backpacked cattle Weather: 75 and mostly sunny Crowd: Literal fresh-faced fresh-persons Mood: "Zomg so excited!!!1" Wait time: Four or five years, depending on major Lingering question: How many mansions could you purchase with the amount of student debt accumulated the occupants of this line?
10:04 am Tuesday, August 26th — La Colombe Torrefaction Location: Church Street and Lispenard Street Length: Eleven people Weather: 75 and mostly sunny Crowd: Late risers with enviable office hours Mood: Pre-amped Wait time: Six-to-eight minutes Lingering question: if you're getting your morning coffee after ten in the morning, what time do you have to be at your desk by?
7:55 AM Thursday, August 21 — Barney's Warehouse Sale, The Metropolitan Pavilion at 19th and 6th
Length: Seventy-six people Weather: 66 and partly cloudy Crowd: Under caffeinated clothing addicts Mood: Half asleep yet fully dressed Wait Time: Fifteen-to-twenty minutes Lingering Question: How has this “warehouse” not been cleaned out yet?
9:46 AM Friday, August 15th — Teens waiting for Miley Cyrus, Greenwich Hotel
Length: Twenty-four teenagers Weather: 65 and partly cloudy Crowd: Twenty-two girls and two boys; could have easily have been mistaken for an American Eagle casting call Mood: Just happy to basking in the wake of the Cyrus!!! Wait Time: As long as Miley wants you to wait Lingering Question: How long has it been since we passed peak twerk?
6:53 PM Tuesday, August 5th — Free Haim/Sleigh Bells concert sponsored by Levi's
Location: Brooklyn Bridge Park Length: Three quarters of a mile Weather: 72, mostly sunny Crowd: Two thousand people in various states of wear and tear; two thousand pairs of Levi's in various states of wear and tear. Mood: Youth-y, palpably. Wait Time: Roughly one hour Lingering Question: How much do jeans fade while standing in a line? How often had they been washed?
Jeff Koons Retrospective, The Whitney — July 25th, 4:06PM
Location: 75th St. and 5th Ave. Length: 68 people Weather: 81 and partly cloudy Crowd: Diverse enough to make any Koons collector (and their wallet) swell with pride. Mood: A despondent tourist whined to her friends. A native clutching an "I *insert giant ballon rabbit* Koons" tote smirked as she took her place at the back of the line. Wait Time: 30-45 minutes Lingering Question: How many visitors does it take to raise the value of a Jeff Koons work by one percent?
12:03 PM Wednesday, July 9th — Halal Cart, 69th and Madison
Length: 11 people Weather: 81 degrees and partly cloudy Crowd: Construction workers Mood: Distracted Wait Time: Approximately seven minutes Lingering Question: How many Halal carts can one neighborhood sustain?