Tuesday, November 26th, 2013

How To Save Thanksgiving: It's Fingo!

Every family has its fair share of lunatics, alcoholics, weirdos, smug hippies, right wingers, racists and garden variety assholes (to paraphrase Tolstoy). And nothing exacerbates everybody’s awfulness and passive aggressive—and aggressive aggressive—behavior like a family gathering. With Thanksgiving just a few Xanax away, and in the the spirit of the holiday season, I’d like to share a secret family recipe that has nothing to do with food.

Fingo—that’s Family Bingo, of course—is a game that’ll save your next family function. Or, at the very least, it will make things a lot more interesting. Here’s what you’ll need in order to play it.

1. At least two other members of your [...]


American Cities I'd Prefer To See Get Blown Up In The Movies Instead of New York

30. Providence

29. Little Rock

28. Des Moines

27. Houston

26. Olympia

25. Cincinnati

24. Fargo

23. Omaha

22. Albuquerque

21. Louisville

20. Orlando

19. St. Paul

18. Las Vegas

17. Denver

16. Seattle

15. Memphis


Hanks for the Memories

Two years ago this month came Negroni Season, a terrifying installment in the incredible true tales of The Worst Boyfriend in the World. It has been three years since the first installment, Crazy Like a Foxwoods. (We'll be wrapping this up in the year 2024.) Now it's Negroni season once again—so let's dive back in to learn what came next!

What kept me going during the first year of living together was the belief that if the Boyfriend could just quit drinking for good, as he occasionally attempted to do, we’d be home free.

And, even though my "Sober Sundays" initiative never took off, somehow that’s what [...]


Negroni Season

It's been a long time since we've heard one of Evelyn Everlady's horrifying true stories about The Worst Boyfriend in the World. So before we leave you for the long weekend, and to wrap up our welcome to summer series, she's baaaaack. Why? Because now it is Negroni Season. Think of this as a reminder to drink and date responsibly this weekend.

It was the spring of 2005 and I was living with the man that I, a bit stubbornly perhaps, had decided was the love of my life. The thing about choosing to live with a rapidly-approaching-bottom alcoholic is that there are just so [...]


Crazy Like A Foxwoods

The worst boyfriend in the world was, for a good long while, an alcoholic. Not the oh, I tied one on with the fellas and said a lot of stupid shit variety. We're talking the serious and scary, need-a-glass-of-vodka-first-thing-in-the-morning-or-I-will-throw-up-from-withdrawal kind. Strangely enough, it wasn't the alcoholism that made him a shitty boyfriend (though it didn't help), it just happened to exacerbate all the qualities that did.

Such as: sloppy sneakiness!

For example, during year one of co-habitation, he called me at work around 3 p.m. on a Friday to tell me that something terribly urgent was calling him out of town. It was a semi-plausible reason, in fact, [...]


The Worst Boyfriend In the World

Episode One in the incredible true story of the Worst Boyfriend In The World: The End of a Five Year Relationship.

Me: But I don't understand. If you knew you wanted to break up, why did you stay here and have sex with me for the last two days?

Him: (exasperated) "It's not like I dislike you."