Friday, November 16th, 2012

Hidden Motivations Of Video Game Characters, In Order

39. Fun

38. Game rating, theme, plot eliminates need to urinate, file taxes, experience bodily shame.

37. Lifelong contempt of evolutionary theory culminating in ill-thought out plan to stop rampaging monkey, without consulting police, humane society, press, etc.

36. Failure to understand nuances of newly installed alien government.

35. No school will hire substitute teacher named Solid Snake.

34. Prefer being shot at, stomped upon, devoured by monsters, spine mutilation, to honest conversation with friends, family, spouse.

33. Non-raiding, -assassin, -bloodsport job felt too "corporate."