Tuesday, April 10th, 2012

Psychological Risks Associated With Pencil Sharpening, From David Rees' 'How To Sharpen Pencils'

An excerpt from David Rees' newest book How To Sharpen Pencils, out today from Melville House. The book's official launch happens at Barnes & Noble Union Square tomorrow night at 7 p.m., at an event featuring Eugene Mirman, Stacy London and Sam Anderson.

Every aspect of pencil sharpening includes its own suite of pleasures and anxieties. The pleasures should be familiar to you; we turn now to the anxieties.

Although sharpening a pencil is usually a psychologically rewarding experience, resulting in feelings of accomplishment and serenity, it also entails psychological risks. It is your professional and personal responsibility to be aware of these risks, and to actively discourage [...]


My Ten-Point Action Plan for Spending One Million Dollars at Tiffany

Perpetual presidential candidate Newt Gingrich made news last month when it was revealed he and his wife Callista carried a credit line of up to $500,000 at Tiffany, a jewelry store catering to the powerful and virtuous. He made news again last week when it was revealed he had a second line of credit—this one up to $1,000,000. (New Gingrich’s top fundraising staff has since quit.)

Friends, you shouldn’t be surprised by the Gingriches’ million-dollar credit line at Tiffany. After all, people spend a million dollars at Tiffany every day—regular people just like you! How do they do it? By following my Ten-Point Action Plan [...]



Relationshapes is back! More drama, more insight, and more just plain ol’ great geometric shapes than any other comic! “Ladies, start your handkerchiefs.”

As always, no boys allowed.