Tuesday, April 29th, 2014
24

How To Not Barf

The norovirus and various other lesser but still debilitating stomach-oriented bugs are making the spring rounds—"Rhode Island Wedding Results in 74 Norovirus Victims"!—including possibly around the edges of our office. I recently missed four days of work—really my first stretch of sick time in five years. I did, basically, think that I was going to die. There were some dark nights of solemn contemplation of life, and if it was worth living. I also got a great head start on my swimsuit season weight loss, so boo-yah! Also I can eat again now.

And I did it all without barfing. I have only barfed twice in the last 25 [...]

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3

Extremely Wet New Yorkers To Become Even More Annoying Online For Next 48 Hours

It begins this afternoon around 2 p.m.

It ends Thursday at noon.

So set your "New York is the weather-complaining center of the world" social media presences at their loudest settings, for you will be wet and miserable and cold, and how can the rest of the world compete with that?

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1

"Occupy My Condo"

In which we re-answer questions sent to The Ethicist.

I know of someone who has lived mortgage-free for three years while the bank foreclosed on his apartment. During that time, the man paid his monthly maintenance to the building but did not pay his mortgage. His rationale: He had been in the furniture business and lost much of his income with the financial crisis, and not one of the bankers responsible for the meltdown has gone to jail. And furthermore, as a result, his apartment was worth less than he paid for it. Does any of that matter? Is strategic loan default ethical? NAME WITHHELD

You're a nosy [...]

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3

"Bear Dances And Plays Trumpet"

Video Promises, Delivers.

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2

You Can Stop Your Second Screen Experience Now, Twitter

Would you believe it if I… theorized the web to understand that people tweeting about things on TV does not lead to more people watching those things on TV? How about this idea for cause and effect: What if "a show’s ratings are more likely to drive activity on social media rather than vice versa"? Well that's what NBC is deciding.

But but but! What about this amazing money quote from Twitter money-making honcho Adam Bain last year? “We often have thought about Twitter plus TV, but we are now thinking about Twitter times TV." Haha oops.

What if Twitter is the big beast that straight-up MySpaces in [...]

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0

Dizzy Canadians Don't Even Know What Kind Of Adorable Tiny Animal They're Bottle-Feeding

"Originally they thought it was a dog, but it wasn't a dog."

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4

Royal Baby Photoshop Shocker

Prince George, the royal baby, is on the cover of Us Weekly—but, in accordance with their traditions, the magazine has altered the baby's appearance to make it more palatable to supermarket-going young women. Here's their altered version of a photograph of the spawn of Kate and whichever of "Prince Charles' sons" is in line to the thieving British crown.

And here's the original image, before the Photoshop crew got to it.

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17

How Jeb Bush Loses On Super Tuesday, 2016

Here's one easy way the Republican primaries could go.

Let's say you've got your saggy Scott Brown, your Rand Paul, maybe your Ted Cruz on the outside… and then up front, your Marco Rubio and your Jeb Bush. I just can't take Mike Huckabee seriously, even though he's polling first right now. (In this hypothetical universe, it's, predictably, all men: Everyone decides Nikki Haley is too young, Mary Fallin never gets any steam, and Sarah Palin sticks her head out and everyone's checkbooks retreat in terror and she goes away again.)

How LOL is this?

Jeb is the money leader early out, just because a Bush raises [...]

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28

Why Do People Do It In The Women's Room?

In D.C., apparently everyone just has sex in public bathrooms all the time, because our nation's capital is overrun with entitled monsters.

Alan Popovsky, who owns Lincoln Restaurant and Teddy & The Bully Bar, has found that unisex single-occupancy restrooms—and handicap-accessible ones in particular—tend to be the most popular hookup spots. “If you go into a restroom and you can actually lock the door behind you, that’s just an open invitation,” he says. But in the case where there’s a men’s and women’s restroom to choose from, heterosexual couples almost always go for the women’s room. “Women are much more apprehensive to go into the men’s room and [...]

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14

How Bookstores Survive

Here's a look at how six great independent bookstores make it in the big city, which is actually a question I have always wanted answered. The Park Slope Community Bookstore has done it in part by catering to Park Slope's child-related needs, which seems obvious; BookCourt did it by buying their building and, eventually, the building next door. PowerHouse Arena, as anyone who goes to things knows, does it by tirelessly having things to go to (and lots and lots of space rental). The lovely Greenlight books did it through canny investment and fundraising and by being a bookstore where a bookstore was needed. And Sarah McNally of McNally [...]

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1

Item In News + Other Item In News = Comedy Traffic Goldmine

This is a very interesting piece on how the New Yorker is thinking about digital and the future. Here is what seems to me like a very true thing: "Readers are more likely to read and finish long stories on their phones than on their computers."

But then also I did a search on this article's page for "Borowitz" and didn't find anything?

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1

De Blasio Will Transform New York City Into A Cruel And Frightening Post-Apocalyptic Garbagedome

Just 100 days into the de Blasio era, we have entered the trash-shaming era. The city is rolling out composting in parts of the city, including Park Slope, and today, the city will be showing off New Yorker's waste production. Um… Brought to you by Glad! Sponsored shaming! How odd. The family above displays a week's worth of landfill and recycling production.

By the end of the de Blasio era, we'll all be living on the subways anyway, wearing outfits created from all the trash we make. We'll all fight from scavenged tools in his Garbagedome. I can't wait! I'm going to win!

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1

'Times'splaining Pizza

As one ages, one gives up a few of the youthful struggles against the generations that came before, and one tends to finally accept more of the common precepts of society. For instance, I now own a pizza peel. For many years I burned my fingers and clumsily threw pizzas from the oven onto the counter. Those days are behind me now. It's okay.

With that one exception, however, I stand by our exceptional pizza recipe. Sure, you can have the Times Timessplain the making of pizza to you, if you wish! If that makes you feel fancy and validated, so be it. But we know the [...]

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6

Prudish Child Files Suit

"The elderly residents of a Long Island nursing home saw their shuffleboards replaced by washboard abs when they were subjected a low-rent Chippendale’s striptease in the facility’s rec room, a new lawsuit claims.

The son of one resident — 85-year-old Bernice Youngblood — was shocked when he showed up for a visit and found a picture of his mom stuffing dollar bills — which are supposed to be locked away in her commissary account — into a dancer’s briefs."

She can't do what she wants with her singles? Come on now.

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1

Dozens of Cops and Firefighters Volunteer For Firing

The second period of the NYPD v. NYFD charity hockey game went south over the weekend. It's a good point: "This was the touching scene as they demonstrated to the Make-A-Wish kids in attendance that they should never stop fighting." It's hard to believe this is the same police force that keeps assaulting women while on duty!

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27

Gays Assassinate CEO

Symbolic gestures make sense when there are no pragmatic alternatives, like the things Eich was working on. You shot one of the good guys.

— Dave Winer ☮ (@davewiner) April 4, 2014

If you care about the open web, please help de-politicize Mozilla http://t.co/8n3d8QHCwv

— Ben Moskowitz (@benrito) April 4, 2014

Mozilla, if you don't know it, is a much-respected nonprofit with a business nestled inside it that, among other things, makes Firefox. They elevated Brendan Eich, one of their cofounders, to CEO. Eich was a Prop 8 donor; people objected. Three board members resigned when he was given the job, including two who [...]

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1

Guess Who's Back?

Stand Up to Legalized Corruption – protest the #McCutcheon Supreme Court ruling! @RuleByUs http://t.co/AJp0JfG4cb pic.twitter.com/XlgI4jK6r5

— Occupy Wall Street (@OccupyWallStNYC) April 3, 2014

Guess who's back? Like normcore and coconut water, Occupy Wall Street won't go away, picking up speed with a series of events tomorrow.

Feeling ambitious? March on the airports in the morning with organizing airport workers! (Now that we can get behind.)

Feeling rambunctious? 7 p.m. is a people's assembly at, yes, Zuccotti Park, AKA Liberty Plaza. (That'll end with an 11 p.m. "wildcat march" up to Union Square, which, pass.)

And there's much much more, [...]

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2

Hardcore Art Flippers: Taking The Art Market To Its Logical Conclusion

Stefan Simchowitz took collecting and "art advising"—that's helping people choose which art to buy—to where it was always going to go. He has a posse, a gang of 100 (100 men, seemingly), who buy artists (men, seemingly) in bulk when he says go. ("Sean Parker, Steve Tisch, Orlando Bloom, Guy Starkman, Enrique Murciano, and Rob Rankin, who is the head of investment banking at Deutsche Bank worldwide," he told Artspace.) He's a "disruptor" and a "cultural entrepreneur," he believes in "inexpensive channels for art that allow it to get redistributed and redistributed and redistributed with great virality." That means resale. (He was also producer of Requiem for a [...]

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4

It's The Most Wonderful Day Of The Year

That's right. It's the true sign of spring in New York! It's the time that Whole Foods starts carrying Happy Tree Maple Water, "never heated early season maple water wild-harvested from the Catskill Mountains." At about $6 for ten ounces, the unheated leakings of trees are dispensed far and near. The contents? Water, and some sugar. Tree sugar. "Happy Tree Maple Water is gathered using a fully sustainable tapping system, which causes no harm to our old-growth trees. Our product is always wild-harvested using only the best, clearest, and tastiest maple water," let it be known. Get some for little Tanlines and Eurydice today!

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3

Amazing Weekend For The Gays

Scissor Sister Jake Shears, Ed Droste (Mr. Grizzly Bear) and Chris Moukarbel (director of the Chris Crocker documentary) casually relaxed poolside while gay marriage became legal in the UK.

If anyone's got anything better than this today, please speak now (via @zoesqwilliams & @darren_scott) pic.twitter.com/wPOOPARcoz

— Bob Granleese (@bobgranleese) March 30, 2014

What an incredible world. And how was your weekend?

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