Wednesday, April 16th, 2014
1

The Great Debeardening

"The more beards there are, the less attractive they become—giving clean-shaven men a competitive advantage, say scientists in Sydney, Australia. When 'peak beard' frequency is reached, the pendulum swings back toward lesser-bristled chins—a trend we may be witnessing now, the scientists say."

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1

Guess What's On Those Shiny Screens?

You know what else is covered in doody? Yes, everything. But especially whatever device you happen to be reading this on right now. Here are some tips for cleaning it, but be honest, ten seconds from now you are going to eat your lunch over it and then the cycle will start anew. Why bother? My theory is if you leave the dirt there eventually you will develop some kind of symbiotic affinity with it. Yes, that is how I justify grime and indolence. What, you think you're better than me? I've seen you blow your nose in your hands and [...]

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1

Gimmick Returns

Oh thank God: "For those who didn't get to sample the meaty menu item, KFC is offering one more chance: Starting April 21, the Double Down will return to the fast-food chain." In case you have forgotten, the definitive review of that, uh, foodstuff, appeared here four years ago.

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2

Dave Pirner Is 50

Everyone will tell you Soul Asylum was much better before they got big, but that is what everyone says about everything they love that they knew prior to its becoming popular, so a lot of times it is just wrong. I mean, no one is defending "Runaway Train"—no one could—but the back half of their career had as much underappreciated stuff as the beginning. Anyway, happy birthday, Dave Pirner. Those of us who dream of disappearing completely will always love you for this song.

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0

How Dirty Is Your Kitchen?

Would your apartment pass the city's restaurant inspection test? Of course not. You live in filth and even if you make an effort at tidying up every now and again the fact remains that here in New York City a thin layer of doody covers all, even the actual doody you do your best to step over as you move around town. Your surfaces play host to an orgy of bacteria, where the grossest of germs satiate their sick desires in a frenzy of deviant pathogenic passion. At night when you sleep the rats and roaches come out and dance a dervish of delight on your countertops as [...]

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0

White Babies White Racist Babies: Study

"The study revealed when it came to picking a playmate, the babies seemed more tolerant of unfairness when the white recipient benefited from it. They picked the fair experimenter less often when the unfair experimenter gave more toys to the white recipient rather than the Asian one. The researchers say this implies that babies can take into account both race and social history when deciding which person would make a better playmate."

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2

Dark Times For Dark Lord

"With old media getting savvier and BuzzFeed on the rise, Denton has seen his digital media empire threatened once again by powerful adversaries." Oh my God the new Star Wars is gonna suck so bad.

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3

Small Awl Old

It's a tiny copper awl from a long time ago! Maybe we should make it our new logo.

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0

The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart, "Eurydice"

I was a sucker for the last one and while this doesn't have the same immediate pull there is still enough here of everything that reminds me of the summer of 1987 that I don't feel bad about it sharing it. Enjoy. [Via]

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1

Future Of The Internet Probably Is Just People Clicking On Curse Words

What if you used all these bad words and then some while taking this "quiz"?

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2

Let's Briefly Mention That Unpleasant Thing That Happens Today

"You, yes you, can do your taxes this year. Many of you are done, most of you haven't started, and a few of you are freaking out. Some of you are thinking: what if I just don't file? What will happen if I don't pay? What if I didn't file last year or the year before that?"

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2

Stop Paying Attention To The Moon

Did you go out at 3 in the morning so you could take pictures of a vaguely orange moon? Well you're a fucking moron and I don't have anything else to say to you. Good Lord, how do you live with yourself?

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10

The Miata Is 25

Apart from a rooting interest in the major professional sports and an inability to dress with anything approaching "style" (or even "color coordination") I have spent my whole life as a dismal failure in the matter of exhibiting most of the markers of traditional American masculinity. I don't lift weights or play glorified forms of catch or enjoy strip clubs or shoot guns or know which highways get you to places faster or mow lawns or like or own or possess the ability to differentiate between tools or even know what they would be handy for. I prefer wine to beer. But my red-bloodedness has been especially deficient in [...]

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0

Wealthy Jews Celebrate Passover By Embracing Worst Anti-Semitic Stereotypes

"New on the Passover scene is Joey Allaham, who has reserved all the rooms at the St. Regis Monarch Beach near Laguna Beach, Calif. Not to be outdone by musical acts, he has been attracting attention with his sports-themed offerings—some of which allow guests to hobnob with famous athletes. Mr. Allaham, who operates upscale kosher restaurants in New York, has created a Passover football field that will host stars such as National Football League player Mark Sanchez of the Philadelphia Eagles. For children, Mr. Allaham has arranged for dairy cows to come each morning so children can [...]

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0

Cellphones Probably Killing You But What Are You Gonna Do?

"[M]odern technology (the source of the humanmade electromagnetic fields discussed here) has fueled a remarkable degree of innovation, productivity, and improvement in the quality of life. If tomorrow the power grid went down, all cell phone networks would cease operation, millions of computers around the world wouldn’t turn on, and the night would be illuminated only by candlelight and the moon—we’d have a lot less EMF exposure, but at the cost of the complete collapse of modern society. EMF isn’t just a by-product of modern society. EMF, and our ability to harness it for technological purposes, is the cornerstone of modern society. Sanitation, food production and storage, health care—these are [...]

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0

Real Estate, "Crime"

Your enjoyment of this clip will probably hinge on how you feel about "funny" videos—or, more appropriately, how you feel about "funny" videos right now. I can take them or leave them, but it seems like I have been hearing Real Estate's "Talking Backwards" everywhere for months now, so it is nice to have something new from them, and also what with today's gloomy spring rain, the band's "side two of Murmur" sound is actually a pretty good accompaniment to the atmosphere. There is also some "funny" if that is your sort of thing, but I guess just wait for the music if not. [Via]

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39

The End Of Comments

"Internet comments have long been a conundrum. Like communism, they’re great on paper but not so much in practice. Done right, publishing comments can drive discussion and increase reader engagement. But more often than not, publishers have seen their comment sections devolve into a free-for-all in which decorum and even social norms are tossed aside in the name of some grievance, real or perceived. That’s why a small but growing number of publishers are turning their backs on the entire notion of Internet comments." —Quick question: How do you feel about Internet comments? Do you still leave them? Do you even read [...]

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0

Courtney Barnett Sings Some Stuff

The only possible reason I could ever conceive of wishing I were Australian is so that I could say, "Courtney Barnett is a national treasure." I mean, otherwise, gross, the idea of being Australian. But good for them for being the country that gave the world Courtney Barnett. Here she is doing some songs for NPR.

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0

"I love when you can combine the weird with the functional."

If you can't listen to that amazing Todd Terje/Bryan Ferry cover of Robert Palmer's "Johnny and Mary" without being overcome by a sadness so intense that your heart feels constricted and you need to look away from anyone nearby so they don't see your eyes starting to water up then you are either me or someone just like me, which puts you in a world of tragedy even without having to listen to the song. The rest of you can probably just appreciate the song for what it is. Either way, here's a pretty good interview with Todd Terje that [...]

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0

Sigur Rós, "The Rains of Castamere"

I missed last night's "Game of Thrones" so don't spoil it for me! But whatever happened, this Sigur Rós song sounds amazing. Elf incest could never have a more appropriately ominous soundtrack. [Via]

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