David Shapiro is the pen name of a writer who created a Tumblr blog called Pitchfork Reviews Reviews. He then wrote a novel (You're Not Much Use to Anyone, out now) about a character named David who created a Tumblr blog called Pitchfork Reviews Reviews. We talked about his career and his money.
What do you do?
I work as a summer associate at a white-shoe law firm. I hope to get an offer to come back to my firm after I graduate law school next year, meaning I would start full-time around September, 2015. I also write a little bit at The Wall Street Journal (in the [...]
52. (the saying goes)
51. (well, not strictly)
49. (it’s in the Pacific, somewhere)
48. (which I don’t normally do)
47. (which I’ve finally perfected)
46. (humility is underrated)
44. (practically speaking)
43. (if he’d remembered)
42. (as a matter of fact)
41. (which is no excuse)
40. (when they were still of quality)
39. (or was it ramps?)
38. (or so he claims)
37. (just like 1804)
36. (though no one seems to hear me)
35. (whoever still does that)
34. (which I’ve never heard of)
33. (or so it seems)
32. (she meant well)
I spend most of my job coaching people on what to do with their careers. You might think this means I have my own life figured out. In reality, my job history shows a lack of focus and intense desire to live in locations that please me. From the mouth of a person who has likely looked at your resume, here is my career history:
Annual Conference Intern, Non Profit in D.C.
I was hired to do all of the logistics planning for the organization’s annual conference in Boston, MA. I found the [...]
History I am a 29-year-old woman, married for four years. I am a playwright, actor, blogger, screenwriter, tutor, and babysitter. My husband is a software engineer. My money-making schedule is varied and inconsistent and sometimes I will just freak out about it—especially now, because I’m pregnant.
If you’re like me, getting pregnant means you immediately start Pinteresting and reading magazines about pregnancy and you start thinking that you need a lot of Things. The baby needs lots of Things and you need to buy them. Your baby needs his own room, his own thoughtfully organized closet, his own bookcase and nightlight and humidifier and small appliances that warm up various [...]
We've all been there: You're having a great day, just hangin' out with your friends, enjoying your space, when one of those pesky pop stars shows up thinking he can seduce you with his sexist lyrics and gyrating hips. Sometimes it's so vulgar and obscene you're flabbergasted and stand there, wondering what you should say! Well, wonder no more. Here's a handy guide of appropriate responses and clever come-backs that will banish the know-nothing chauvinists who have somehow weaseled their way onto the radio.
IF HE SAYS:
YOU SHOULD SAY:
Ok, first of all, not a big deal or anything, but just so you don’t get embarrassed in the [...]
My first job out of college was fact-checking restaurant listings. Every day, I called 25 restaurants in New York City to see if any of their information had changed, asking if their curtains were still red, their bathrooms still adorned with lavender sprigs, if their salad was still served with strawberries, if their servers still donned bow ties. With time, I had a mental Rolodex of places I wanted to eat, and Peter Luger Steak House, a restaurant so fancy it has its own Wikipedia page, was at the top.
When given the chance to celebrate a two-and-a-half-year anniversary, I chose steak. My boyfriend was game. Happy steak-iversary to [...]
It used to be a given that if you were gay and grew up in a small town and you didn’t want to stay in the closet, you left. You ran to the big city and never looked back. I ran to San Francisco — how original! I have often joked that I moved as far away from home as physically possible without leaving the continent. Of course, since both my hometowns are tourist destinations located at the very ends of their respective peninsulas, in many ways they are more similar than I’d always like to admit. For all the examples of things I fled, there are features [...]
"Bloodfeast" is a new period foods-themed recipe column.Happy Period Day, everyone! Time to roll out the fanfare of cheesy carbs and whatever gluttonous pleasures you lovingly reward yourself with during your moment of bloodspill. Whenever it is my own goddess moon time of the month, I crave A BIG ASS BURGER. I like to call this ritual, “Blood in, Blood Out.” I’ll go to In-N-Out for some animal style or hit up a greasy spoon diner, it doesn’t matter. Red meat and melty cheese dance in my eyes like emoji hearts.
This last time it was period burg time, I wanted something sweet to go with my savory… simultaneously! Enter, [...]
On a snowy morning in college, I sat up on my futon, stared out the dorm window, and nudged my boyfriend Chris. “What would you think about our children having my last name?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said, still half-asleep, “Why wouldn’t they have your last name?”
I was probably too shy then to show my relief.
Time passed. We split up for a year, got married ten years later and then, in our mid-30’s, found ourselves with a babe on the way. We didn’t know girl or boy, but we had already re-decided that our babe’s last name would be my last name. Mixing up convention had always mattered [...]
At the age of 29, my mother taught me how to bake a pie. That she was in her kitchen, proving how easy it was—how pleasurable it was to master this most domestic of tricks—was a shocker. “There’s more to life than getting married, you know!” she’d said when she caught me walking a Barbie down the aisle in a make believe game of wedding when I was young. “There’s art and work and travel,” she said slowly, clearly trying to make an impression.
But it all sounded boring, coming from her. I already knew I could become an astronaut, a lawyer, or president of the United States if I [...]
Are you growing tired of watching impossibly attractive men tear off their shirts in the name of God, country, and football? Well, do I have excellent news for you: the Tour de France is upon us. I love the Tour de France (go ahead, pronounce “France” like it rhymes with “taunts,” I know you want to), the world’s most famous bike race, and firmly believe that it’s completely underrated—especially in years when it’s pitted against the World Cup, as it is now. If the World Cup is the disaffected, hard-bodied teen who’s too cool for the moon landing, the Tour de France is the nerdy, telescope-toting little brother who Sally [...]
When you’re trolling the Internet after midnight, brainstorming quick ways to make extra cash, it’s little consolation that you are not alone.
My fingers clicked through the classifieds:
ASIAN EGG DONORS WANTED: Chinese, Korean and Japanese earn $8k-$10k.
Figure Model Wanted in New York City.
It was late May, nearly three weeks after I received a layoff notice from my newspaper reporting job that I held for five years. I had already hawked everything worth anything on eBay and Craigslist. Financial anxiety seized its grip on me after I moved to New York from Los Angeles to pursue greener journalism pastures. That’s how I ended up at 1 a.m. on [...]
In Ovid’s Metamorphosis, Cupid is notorious not for his successful matches but for his catastrophic ones. Pluto and Proserpina, Apollo and Daphne, Paris and Helen: none of these unions ended well. Instead of churning out soft children and sunshine, these matches produced winter, the bay leaf, and the Trojan War.
I’ve been in a long relationship, so long in fact we’ve forgotten about marriage all together and we simply say we’re married. I’ve vicariously been living this millennia and its social media outlets through friends—many of whom have found love, pleasurable sex, free quality meals, and sometimes even friends through OKCupid. I decided to sign up and build a profile [...]
What did your first job pay? What does it pay now? Here are some of the many fascinating answers we've received, with more to come.
Fran: I graduated USC school of journalism in 1963 and got a job on a daily paper called the San Gabriel Valley Daily Tribune. It is still in existence in L.A. county. I was fully trained to write about everything from fires to sports. However it was the olden days and my job was on the Women's Page. I earned $60 a week gross and lived at home to pay off my car. I spent an entire summer writing about brides and their veils [...]
When I was a junior in high school, I decided that I wanted to become popular. Fortuitously, my scientist parents were about to make the one wanton decision that they would ever make in their lives: leaving me home alone for a weekend, along with my little brother.
Normally ones to frown upon any vacation not spent in a tent, my parents made this special exception for Maine, a place where they could remain on their rigorous work schedule. They’d planned a quintessential rise-at-dawn, sleep-by-dusk experience: stilted breakfast conversations with strangers at inns, jaunts to folksy outlet stores, and long walks along punishing rocky coasts. Lost in their excitement, neither [...]
There’s a special drawer in my closet dedicated to lost causes, the clothes I will never wear again but that I can’t find it in me to donate or throw away. They are all, invariably, the slogan shirt—cotton shirts that scream “Fuck H8,” “This is what a feminist looks like,” folded right next to shirts from Hot Topic that say in disparaging gray on gray, “I listen to bands that don’t even exist yet.” Words, words, words. Their sentiments are the same to me in hindsight, really. There were a few years of my life where I wore my politics quite literally on my sleeve.
It’s interesting to dig them [...]
Dear Internet Bunnies,
We’re most of us in the thick of summer and this July I’m a fuzzy love bunny lounging in the cool shade. Come outside and sit for a spell with me. We can steal the burgeoning root veggies just toeing up in the warm dirt. For these horoscopes, I’ve decided that each of you needed a song and I know we all have different tastes but I hope you’ll give your music-familiars a chance. The sun is so bright, and the flowers born new everyday. If a storm comes, let it be a relief, an opening—we are in this together, you and I.
Yours, Galactic Rabbit
There are 34 million people of Irish heritage currently living in the United States, and for those of us whose parents or grandparents were Irish citizens, it's possible to claim Irish citizenship by proving legitimate descent. Being a dual citizen is a fun fact to dish out at parties, but it also makes it easy to work and live abroad—in my case, throughout the EU.
I successfully applied for Irish citizenship last year. Here's what it cost me:
Documents Ireland requires long-form birth, marriage, and death certificates (if applicable) for the applicant (me), the Irish citizen through whom you claim citizenship (my paternal grandfather), and the family member [...]
To spoil the end before the beginning, this is a story about being exposed to HIV while not having health insurance, taking actions to prevent infection, and ending up successfully still HIV negative (several years and counting). Post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) (taking a combination of anti-retrovirals (anti-HIV) medications as soon as you know you've been exposed to avoid being infected) works in many cases. It worked for me, and I am endlessly thankful that I had access to credit and adequate care to make it happen.
A few years ago, I was seeing someone who was HIV positive. I'm a cis woman; he's a cis man. He was infected either [...]