“The solar system appears to have a new ninth planet. Today, two scientists announced evidence that a body nearly the size of Neptune—but as yet unseen—orbits the sun every 15,000 years. During the solar system’s infancy 4.5 billion years ago, they say, the giant planet was knocked out of the planet-forming region near the sun. Slowed down by gas, the planet settled into a distant elliptical orbit, where it still lurks today.”
—Also, astronomers at the California Institute of Technology “are calling it Planet Nine (and, for the past year, informally, Planet Phattie—1990s slang for ‘cool’).” WE DON’T DESERVE ANY NEW PLANETS.