Thursday, April 17th, 2014

Oysters Shucked

"NYC is gross," says the person who posted this video of a man shucking oysters on the N train. The gross part for me is that my immediate response was, "Ugh, what is he trying to promote?" I wish we all still lived in a time where people were just weird and unaware of how their weirdness played out to those around them instead of trying to go viral or whatever. [Via]

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KarenUhOh (#19)

Years ago, back before our self-awareness became genetically coded, I boarded the Chicago "L" in the subway under State Street on a day when it had to be 90 outside and a good ten degrees north of that in the tube. Of course, the a/c on the car I entered had long ago evaporated into the great ice bucket in the sky.

Also, of course, the car was jammed. My position was standing, in front of the "handicapped" seats next to the door, where sat a woman of indeterminate age (I'd say mid-50's), who was bundled up in a winter cloth coat and woolen hat.

This lady opened a large green Tupperware container, removed a plastic fork from her coat pocket, and began to eat potato salad. "Classic" potato salad, all meaty chunks of potato and celery and olive, stagnant in a viscous goo of yellowing mayonnaise. It was obvious from the aroma that this dish had been nowhere near a refrigerator for quite some time.

Also obvious: the bundled-up lady forking this hash into her maw had a mustache. A GIANT, feathery mustache. Captain Kangaroo would have felt his lip to make sure his wasn't stolen.

Large chunks of this potato salad soon became lodged in the mustache. The lady also stoically abjured shutting her mouth as she chewed.

Next to her sat the most proper, prim lady, also "of a certain age," that you can imagine: designer business suit, spiked heels, made up within an inch of her life, even in that heat. She had been professionally oblivious through this, until the odor hit. . .and when it did, she glanced over, in that slight, sideways urban way, at what was next to her–whereupon she gagged, and placed her hand up alongside her face for the duration of her ride.

She lasted two stops.

@KarenUhOh : YESSS these are the anecdotes for which comments were invented.

jolie (#16)

@KarenUhOh If they're gonna take the comments away from us, I'm glad we're going down fighting. That was sublime, Karen.

That's disgusting. No one should eat an oyster without horseradish and lemon.

Meh. I once ate an entire Maine lobster on the F train. With drawn butter. And a shrimp cocktail to start.

Saved the steak for when I got home. I mean, I'm not some kind of animal.

Amasa Amos (#9,654)

Q: What's grosser than a man shucking oysters on the N train?
A: Filming it in portrait mode!

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