Monday, February 10th, 2014
12

Are You A Roomgirl? Because Everyone's Dating Their Roommate Now

In which we discover things in our work chatroom.

A Man: My roomgirl works at [REDACTED] so just killing time before I go to an all-you-can-eat sushi place.

Choire: …so that's what they're calling it now.

Another Man: Wait. What's a roomgirl, is that like a wife… or a Roomba.

A Man: Roommate-girlfriend, which is different than girlfriend you live with.

Choire: It's all about Which Came First.

Another Man: Still confusedddd.

A Man: Right. So if you room with someone and make the mistake of marrying them they are forever a RoomPerson.

Another Man: Oh! I'm doing a similar thing: my now-girlfriend was a roommate first but we don't live together anymore.

A Man: That's the right thing to do. But I'm too lazy.

Emma: There are two roomgirl situations here??? Trendpiece.

Another Man: Roomgirl. I like it and can guarantee the wonderful person I'm dating will not like it.

Mike: Omg, Modern Love.

Emma: In Their Roommates, A Girlfriend

Choire: Wow. This roomgirl thing is real?

Another Man: I even know a third.

Another Man: Millennials Too Fucking Lazy to Find Significant Others Outside Their Own Apartments

A Man: That is correct.

Edith: "New Girl" lol.

Emma: "New Girl" is the original roomgirl.

Emma: Jeff Hooligan, 34, was having a hard time meeting women in his regular Clinton Hill haunts.

Mike: Cleaning the Bathroom, the Highest Form of Flattery

Choire: Roomgirls Of New York

A Man: One millennial dude, speaking under the condition of anonymity, cited 'Skyrim-related emotional exhaustion.'

Another Man: "I just don't really like leaving my apartment or meeting new people," said one man, 28, who asked not to be identified because he is afraid of his roomgirl.

Choire: Exactly! It begins in literal laziness! Which I respect.

Another Man: You also get to skip the awful first couple months of dating.

Emma: Damn.

Another Man: Go right to watching TV on the couch and having uneventful sex. Just the way I like it.

Emma: In Their Lease, A Contract On Love

Choire: Knock Knock, Who's… Oh Hello There

Mike: He Paid for Dinner, She Paid for the Utilities

A Man: Whoa how did you know that.

Choire: The Chore Wheel? Or the Score Wheel

Emma: In Prospect Heights, A Reason To Ditch The Tie On The Doorknob

Choire: Divided By Walls, They TK Bathroom TK Bedroom Something

Another Man: Once A Roommate, Now A Playmate

Choire: She Knows When You Are Sleeping, She Knows When You Are… Well, Everything

A Man: There should be a series of exclusive interviews with the unfortunate third roommate in these situations.

Mike: A Room With a Woo (sorry)

Another Man: A Bedroom Lies Empty, But Its Tenant Fulfilled

Choire: The best thing is, all these situations end happily! So no one can feel bad about it ever at any point!

12 Comments / Post A Comment

420 TREND IT *pot leaf*

Every single one of Emma's notional titles is bone-chillingly plausible.

Given the small number of non-bylined-above male Awl staffers, have you not come fairly close to outing both "A Man" and "Another Man"? Or is work-chatroom access but one of the many perks granted to the legions of Awl-Network Contributors?

Ralph Haygood (#13,154)

@Setec Astrology: "Millennials Too Fucking Lazy to Find Significant Others Outside Their Own Apartments" has the Balk touch.

I'm wondering where a person could work that would involve special access to an all you can eat sushi place (other than an all you can eat sushi place) (Do those exist in NYC?)

@Lindsay Robertson – There is (was?) a place on West 72nd that offered AYCES one night a week. Not sure if the place, or the offer, is still there.

shostakobitch (#1,692)

Roomgirl sounds like the furniture girl in Soylent Green.

katastic (#101,081)

I was once the 'third roommate' in a secret roommate romance. I only found out they were sleeping together after eight months in, when he came home with some other girl and she flipped out. The police ended up being called. Good times!

gandalf (#260,255)

If "Another Man" is not who I think it is, please disregard this. If "Another Man" is who I think it is, I AM ON TO YOU. ENJOY YOUR DINNER ALONE TONIGHT.

alfonsina (#260,262)

@gandalf Dinner with me instead? Yachting casual, as per the usual.

EmmaB (#260,271)

I am a Third Roommate, and reading this was therapeutic. (To be more accurate, I'm one of 4 tenants in a house, 1 of whom is dating, or at least sleeping with, the landlord, who has semi-moved-in as a consequence of the romance. Sigh.)

Dilworth (#525)

I'm an old married dude, so this is a bit over my head (when I was your age we used to…)

But: I once dined at an AYCES place in the wilds of Long Island. It was exhilarating because of the great deal you were betting, but also terrifying because if you failed to eat everything on your plate they totaled it up a la carte. I almost had a nervous breakdown mid-meal because I was afraid I couldn't finish my dinner and I didn't have enough money to pay the full price. I would say it's something to stay away from.

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