Do You Remember The Before-Times Without Snow

ACTUAL SCENE OUTSIDE THIS MORNING TOTAL CHAOSA very lucky Setsubun to you and yours, and the Times points us on this snowy morning to the city’s hilarious snow-shoveling laws, which include an exemption from shoveling snow if it is all frozen terribly hard, in which case you may cause your sidewalk to be “strewed with ashes, sand, sawdust.” But more importantly:

Q: Do I have to clear the whole sidewalk? My sidewalk is very wide!

A: No. You have to clear a path just “wide enough for pedestrians and to allow for wheelchair and stroller access,” the city’s Law Department said.

Q: Can I shovel snow into the street?

A: Please don’t. It can impede the street-clearing process, which is against the law.

Yes. Stop shoveling snow INTO THE STREET, ninnies. (In the rest of America, you are allowed to shovel it however you like, no one cares, just not here in communist New York City.) Also punishable by up to nine months in Rikers is the use of an umbrella during snow.