Photo by Andrey Armyagov, via Shutterstock
Overheard in Convivium Osteria in Park Slope two years ago: "Olives are very polarizing."
They are! I hate them! Other people love them!
Just two? What a kalamity
3. Canned black
@O.Oyl But what of Fairuza?
@Alex Balk I guess it's her turn now to know how it feels!! But, ehh — if I'm being honest, it's actually 4. Social, 3. Fairuza, 2. Baseball, 1. Alex. SIGH. Anyway, talk to you later.
This is correct.
Pitch coming your way on olive stuffing rankings.
Green olives IN MARTINIS, you fucktard.
4. all of the other ones
@Polina V. Yamshchikov@facebook Castelvetrano olives 4-EVAH
you're dead to me, balk
I see you misspelled "olives in order of likelihood to induce vomiting, from 'not at all' to 'absolutely guaranteed'."
1. Ones stuffed with cheese
The full list:
9. Olives that have been sitting in a bowl in the shop for days and you think they look nice but they taste faintly of disinfectant
8. Olives in brine that taste of brine
7. Olives overcooked and sliced on pizza
6. Black canned pitted olives
5. Assorted pitted olives
4. Black unpitted olives
3. Green unpitted olives
2. Those reddy-brown unpitted olives that they make oil out of and are really fiddly but so worth it
1. That one tub of olives you ate nine years ago that induced a transcendental episode after which all future olives were rendered disappointing in comparison
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