The Insane Whole Foods Gowanus Is Open For Your Gentrifying Needs


The Gowanus Whole Foods opened this morning, at 3rd Avenue and 3rd Street in Brooklyn (midway between Park Slope and Carroll Gardens, for you Manhattanites), with a bench-laden parkway along the Gowanus Canal, a hot hipster-manned knife-sharpening station, copious espresso machines, a giant over-sized novelty baguette (WHY IS THIS BREAD SO BIG?), giant hanging hogs, a rooftop beer garden, an enormous greenhouse, and just more of everything than you can possibly imagine. It was mobbed with shoppers within minutes of opening.

Much yogurt. So organic. Wow. Etc.

Just pretend there are stupid captions on each of these photos that are like “Wow the doors slide open when you approach but then close behind you as if by magic.” And “there are a large number of all kinds of people waiting behind cash registers”! But yeah. You’ve been to a Whole Foods before. It has food in it. (My God, it’s full of food.) Although perhaps you haven’t been to a Whole Foods with a beer tap room and a lovely meandering parkway alongside a toxic canal….