Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013
29

Chopped Salad Toppings, In Order

I almost went with Gutty here but you know it is still lunchtime for some people.33. Beets
32. Corn
31. Hearts of Palm
30. Grapes
29. Stuffed Grape Leaves
28. Sunflower Seeds
27. Raisins
26. Black Beans
25. Kidney Beans
24. Tomatoes
23. Sprouts
22. Grilled Onions
21. Roasted Peppers
20. Carrots
19. Apples
18. Hot Peppers
17. Edamame
16. Artichokes
15. Craisins
14. Croutons
13. Cucumbers
12. Black Olives
11. Bell Peppers
10. Almonds
9. Broccoli
8. Pecans
7. Asparagus
6. Chickpeas
5. Green Olives
4. Sundried Tomatoes
3. Walnuts
2. Fresh Onions
1. Jalapenos

29 Comments / Post A Comment

Emily (#20)

I don't even know where to start. This is just wrong in every possible way.

HereKitty (#2,713)

@Emily As a recipe for terrible breath, however, it is nearly perfect.

Alex Balk (#4)

@Emily You are incorrect.

Alex Balk (#4)

@HereKitty You are all too correct.

theheckle (#621)

Move the beets or you're gonna get death-paneled.

Alex Balk (#4)

@theheckle Right, who doesn't love a vegetable that combines the taste of ass and sugar in one difficult-to-swallow package?

@Alex Balk Hey, beets apparently help detoxify the liver, so you may want to rethink your stance on that one.

flossy (#1,402)

Bacon and avocado are the foundation of any legit chopped salad. The rest is just noise.

Alex Balk (#4)

@flossy See tags on bacon, but I totally did forget about avocado, which has something to do with my aversion to creamy things, I guess, and also the fact that mushy stuff SUCKS in a chopped salad. I would rank it just above beets, but barely.

flossy (#1,402)

@Alex Balk I guess that would explain the completely baffling placement of raw onions above grilled onions, YOU MONSTER

IBentMyWookie (#133)

@flossy Wait, wait, wait, while grilled onions are an amazing addition to most dishes, they HAVE NO PLACE on a salad. I mean, really. Really.

katastic (#101,081)

WHERE IS THE BLUE CHEESE, YOU MANIACS?

Alex Balk (#4)

@katastic See tags.

katastic (#101,081)

@Alex Balk But…. but all of the rest of this is just garnish!

KarenUhOh (#19)

Fingernails. As long as they're mine.

Mike Riggs (#3,658)

This list is an act of aggression. Grapes should be better positioned and sundried tomatoes should not even be on it.

Alex Balk (#4)

@Mike Riggs Don't be sad, Mike, they are doing remarkable things in the field of tastebud transplants these days.

Mike Riggs (#3,658)

@Alex Balk Smart move excluding meats and cheeses, the salt and pepper of salad toppings.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

You're a damnable fool, Balk.

15910096@twitter (#253,900)

Try some mandarin oranges on your salad.

Screen Name (#2,416)

The same every day. The spinach salad at Hale & Hearty with #3, #8, #10 and #14. No dressing. Refuse the bread but take the crackers. I eat it in the store. The roar from my salad is deafening. After a time I notice the man next to me in the maroon sweater is staring at me, trembling with rage. I pause mid-bite. "I do like a salad with crunch," I tell him. The next thing I know the man in the maroon sweater is choking me. Someone pulls him off me and the manager asks if I want to call the police. I tell him no, I just want to take my crunchy salad to go. Sometimes they give me a free salad card.

Incidentally (#6,730)

1, 3, 6, 20, 33 and 15910096@twitter (#253,900)

all day

cosmic awe@twitter (#242,014)

I never thought I'd have to say this, but don't ever make me a salad. Ever. Period.

jbsquare (#793)

I suppose anchovies/sardines count as a meat. Anyway, I would flip the position of green and black olives and put in some peperoncini at number 5.

Yellojkt@twitter (#243,177)

That's a rather vegan-centric list. The whole point of a salad is as a base for carb-free proteins.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

The salad place near me has hummus as a topping. I mean, honestly, who wants to make their salad squish and slimy. Salad is for crunch! It's mother nature's toothbrush.

Also broccoli needs to be split into two entries (broccoli-too big pieces and broccoli-just right) and reordered accordingly.

You separate olives by type, so I think Fresh Onion is too broad to be #2. Red or white?

hman (#53)

Kinda interested to see what Gutty has to say about this list.

ThomasHo9 (#254,120)

look delicious

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