Friday, November 22nd, 2013
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Weatherman: Thanksgiving Eve Superstorm Will Bring The Utter Destruction Of All American Travel Plans And Dreams

America's weather-predicting boyfriend and repentant airplane user Eric Holthaus came out with a doozy this morning that'll rock your holidays: a foot of snow maybe, the day before Thanksgiving, give or take, hurricane force winds on the Eastern seaboard, general mayhem, rain across half the country, people eating each other alive in airports, turkeys brined in grandmothers' tears.

While we're on the subject: how does the thought process of buying an airplane ticket to travel on Thanksgiving eve go? Is it like, "Oh it won't be too bad, I'll just wear headphones and sweatpants and be secretly relieved if I get bumped and just go back home?" Or is it more like "I despise myself!"

With this gloating I have now jinxed my own travel plans so I'll see you in the gutters of JFK early next week. RIP us.