Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013

A Life-Changing Invention: The In-Window Cat Litter Box

Since 1945, man has been shoving air conditioners through his windows. Despite our fears, very rarely is someone wounded by a falling air conditioner. We have the technology. We have mastered gravity. It's time to shove our cats out the windows.

If we can put a cat in space, which we have been doing since 1963, we can put a cat box outside our space, and therefore end our suffering at the hands (??) of our cats. (Our cat's butts, I guess.)

We're edging slowly closer to this goal.

The Whiskervent sucks air out your window through a hose; so does the Littervent. The Cat Jet is a pretty impressive home-built version; you can make one yourself. Let Meow't makes a window-box outdoor perch and also an in-window cat door.

But even the best litterboxes (or at least the most attractive) don't disguise that an animal is crapping in your house.

It is time to let our cats dangle. What if I told you that your cats could crap outside, even if you lived in a small Manhattan apartment?

Made of a hardy metal, the Cat Conditioner (or The Window Cat; can't decide!) is mounted like any air conditioner, with an exterior bracket, a front-of-window screw system, and a lock mount for the top of the bottom window. Venting occurs through holes on the side of the exterior of the unit, so that it doesn't rain in your cat's crapping area.

Finally, the front panel slides easily forward, bringing the litter tray into the room for easy cleaning.

Some day the highrises of New York City will be adorned with extruded cat boxes. The city will be both rat- and vermin-free but also not filled with stench!

An exterior view:

Aren't you tired of marinating in your cat's foul odors? It is time.

Thank you for your attention. To prove my point further here is that weird gif of cats in space.

12 Comments / Post A Comment

jolie (#16)

Or you could just get rid of the cats.

Rod T (#33)

@jolie Hissssss

Lyesmith (#250,755)

That's already a thing from 90 years ago, only for babies:

271044602@twitter (#250,754)

Windows are typically meant to provide one with a view. You want to change that to a view of a cat taking a shit?

sixlocal (#296)

@271044602@twitter Hahaha you think we have views?

migraineheadache (#1,866)

@271044602@twitter Clear Acrylic David Blaine Collabo Colorway Cat Conditioner

Mr. B (#10,093)

Just let them hang off the windowsill and let 'er rip. No more cleanup!

Logan5 (#233,031)

Al Jaffee's "Things We'd Like To See!"

Josh Michtom (#6,069)

May I suggest naming it "The Catbird Seat" (

Rod T (#33)

I was so proud of Sybil (my cat) when she learned to use the toilet. Training took about two months but it was totally worth it.

One Sunday morning she woke me up crying and crying. She'd run to the bathroom and then back to me a few times. Eventually (as I'm not one to get out of bed at the command of a cat) I followed her and just outside the bathroom door she laid a dookie on the floor. She had had it.

Now I still use one of the training trays and keep the litter in the toilet bowl. It makes for easy cleanup and can be moved to the bathtub when guests are over.

As for this idea? Because we're horrible, we'll never clean the box since we can't smell it. Weighted by fetid piss and shit, the box will somehow fall to the sidewalk and hit … you're in Brooklyn? It will hit a stroller with precious twins Chip and Chandler. Their litigious mother will own everything that is now yours. Including The Awl which will become a mommy blog. The end.

hershmire (#233,671)

Three tips: scoop every day, add lots of baking soda, replace every week. Really, really simple.

City_Dater (#2,500)

I have a neighbor who flings the clumps from her cat's clumping cat litter (including cat shit) out her bathroom window, onto the sidewalk. One day she will hit a belligerent drunk from the bar around the corner with a clay/cat scat missile and he will kill her. I can imagine many ways in which this idea will have similarly terrible and possibly tragic consequences.

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