BALK: Choire, will you do something telling us whether the McCray/de Blasios are secret geniuses or, uh, other?
CHOIRE: Haha fuck if I know. Omg we might be so fuckkkkked. But it'll be fun! We're going to have an amateur government! What's freaking you out?
BALK: It started with the suicide Dad thing. Like, "I had never even told Dante." It did not occur to you that once you won the nomination this kind of thing was going to come out? I do not enjoy being put in the position, BEFORE THE GUY HAS EVEN BEEN ELECTED, of having to hope he was lying to us because the alternative is more disturbing.
CHOIRE: But he did the smart thing by busting the Post before they published, so that's a good sign.
BALK: A two-line statement in advance of the Post article screams nothing but "UNPREPARED." ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE RUNNING FOR ONE OF THE MOST VISIBLE POSITIONS IN AMERICA.
BALK: And then this article in the Times, where she comes off as an amazing person and someone I would love to hang out with, she is ASTOUNDED and pissed off that people ask about Dante's hair now? Like, the centerpiece of your entire campaign, the ad whose whole purpose was to say "It is okay to vote for him, black people," you're angry that everyone wants to embrace that?
CHOIRE: lol. I DO THINK IT'S WEIRD to not tell your son about his grandfather. But that's kind of typical family shit. Also, never trust a Michael Barbaro summary. God bless but… So when you read this:
She has been taken aback by the sudden stardom of her Afro-favoring son who has been mobbed at public events, deluged with requests to appear on television and irritated that those who approach him only want to talk about his hair.
“What blows my mind is how much there is, it’s amazing,” she said. “I don’t think anyone — not one of us — anticipated it would be such a thing.”
Like, who knows if she would have come across as "irritated" to us.
BALK: Yeah, "taken aback" was my red flag there.
CHOIRE: "'These crackers are CRAZY,' she said." (She did not say.)
BALK: But again, if there weren't all the overwhelming evidence of rampant, "Oh fuck, we actually won?"ism it wouldn't have alarmed me as much.
CHOIRE: Well I can imagine they are somewhat surprised by suddenly actually winning! They didn't spend ANY MONEY. Their win actually makes no sense on the face of it.
BALK: No, absolutely, this is the classic "peak at the right time" election. BUT WHEN THAT HAPPENS YOU GET PEOPLE IN WHO ARE LIKE, "Now be ready for this."
CHOIRE: I feel like they've been around enough administrations to do that.
BALK: Okay, well, I am just gonna hope they are trying to project a "naive, can-do, too pure" vibe while being secretly devious etc.
CHOIRE: Just like the Obamas!
BALK: Oh man, I hope they are actually efficient with their deviousness.
CHOIRE: Just like the Clintons!
BALK: I am trying to remember any example of devious Clinton efficiency. But the names Ira Magaziner, Dick Morris and Patti Solis are all that pop up.
CHOIRE: Marc Rich!
BALK: Hahaha yes, that was classic Clinton efficiency writ large. I mean, maybe it's fine, maybe if even the people who expect to win and are all geared up to be coolly efficient and devious can't get it together, how much worse could people who have no idea what the fuck they're doing actually do? Maybe he'll have a whole Klutzy Bill routine where it's like, "Oh, I really MEANT to give you a retroactive pay raise with your new contract but whoops, I screwed up on the paperwork, sorry, but I will totally fix it four years from now when it comes up again" etc and people are just like, "Oh, that Bill."
CHOIRE: People gave Anthony Weiner $6.5 million to run for mayor. So, like… I'm not sure anyone exactly has a good plan?
BALK: We'll leave it on that optimistic note.
Photo by Public Advocate Bill de Blasio, via Flickr