"The Vatican cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi told press in Italy Wednesday that, essentially, Jesus was the 'world's first tweeter,' according to The Telegraph. No, history's most famous carpenter didn't have a BlackBerry or a Twitter avatar over 2000 years ago. What Ravasi meant was that Jesus's messages were short, but often powerful, much like the way many people communicate on Twitter today. '[Christ] used tweets before everyone else, with elementary phrases made up of fewer than 45 characters like "Love one another," said Ravasi.'
—Let's just assume this is one of those things that actually make sense in the original Italian, like "gays don't eat pasta," because otherwise, I don't know what to do with this week. I have HAD IT.