Wednesday, September 11th, 2013
35

Ask Polly: I Feel Violently Ambivalent About My Boyfriend… So Should We Get Married?

WHERE ARE YOUDear Polly,

My ex and I broke up nearly a year ago, after five years together. It was mutual, yet for different reasons: he was depressed with and questioning his life choices, which our relationship was tied to (living a vagabond life, etc.). I realized that I had been questioning our relationship, and my lack of desire for him, for some time; I was finally offered a way out. I’m not sure if I would have gone through with the break-up if it wasn’t something he wanted as well. It was sad but amicable, and we remained in intermittent contact.

Several months later, he came to me and said he “chose clarity.” He wanted to get married, or get whatever-it-was-I-wanted-if-marriage-scared-me. It was out of the blue, though not entirely unexpected. But I was not in that same emotional place. I love him, but my questions about that love (i.e. Is this the type of love that I want in my life, is it the love he deserves) haven’t changed. So I said, “I don’t know.” And he said, “Okay, I’ll wait until you know.”

We weren’t sure what that waiting would look like. I told him that waiting for me was his choice, not mine, but I didn’t tell him not to wait. Finally, after a four months (of what in retrospect was probably me “stringing him along” but at the time did not feel that way), I said no.

He still wants me to fight for him. A big part of me wants to, or perhaps wants to want to.

I don’t trust myself and have been having a very difficult time accessing what it is I want and feel. I was certainly afraid to say “I don’t love you enough.” And I’m equally afraid to say “I love you enough to try to love you enough.” The questions that have paralyzed me: was this a slump before a rise, or a symptom of an unfulfilling relationship? Were our bickering and our opposing views of the world a behavioral pattern that could be worked on in therapy, or did they reflect a fundamental divide we’d never cross? There is a hardness to him that I see him working against now (for him and for me), but is it truly workable? Many times I felt mistreated in this, spoken to in a way I never want to be spoken to. I know I want someone who will allow me to experience the world the way I experience it, without philosopher-attacking me at every move, someone who will listen softly, but I also want to be challenged. We have a deep respect for each other, though sometimes there was a lack of surface, simpler respect. We have mutual life/career goals, though I don’t know yet if I want children and he probably does.

I have been of two minds about this for so long, and I’m so tired. I feel violently ambivalent: I feel thrilled about and terrified by both scenarios (a life with him and a life without him). I’ve said no to put us both out of our misery, but now am terribly frightened I’ll regret it. I appreciate the way you’ve talked about your own marriage, how you know. But what if that’s just not the case with everyone? What if, for the rest of us less lucky fools, there is no knowing ever? What if at the five-year mark in every relationship, I get bored of sex with that person, and I start questioning everything else? (Our relationship started off without intensity, but my only “intense” experiences in love have been fleeting, not sustainable.) What if all my flaws surface in the same ways in other partnerships and I just don’t know the difference of when to work on something and when to quit? What if I’m simply afraid of commitment or making choices at all? I’m trying to meditate, to be quiet around this, and calm the head-chatter and thought-loops, to get at what’s subtle. When I am able to step away from all this questioning, I feel good and self-sufficient, and confident about myself in the world when visualizing either situation.

I’m sure the way I’m writing this story out to you (thanks for a place to do so, and being you and reading letters) is very telling. Maybe I’m trying to come up with excuses for him, or maybe this is me trying to “defend my relationship in a court of law,” as you stated in an old letter, which I feel I could do. (I admit I was trying to find a letter to you that was exactly parallel to my situation so I didn’t have to write this!) I’ve had to defend my relationship to my friends who don’t think he’s "right" for me or treats me well, and defend myself to friends who love both of us and us together. And it all makes me feel exhausted. (Not to mention guilt that comes with thoughts like: There are more important things/problems in the world I could be spending this energy on.) I'd love to hear any advice on quieting the hell down, what to do, or just how to BE.

Thank you for your time!

Sincerely,

Noncommittal Nancy




Dear NN,

It sounds to me like you want to convince yourself to feel things that you don't feel. You're trying to come to some logical conclusion about your relationship, but logic has nothing to do with it. Your gut won't let you move forward with him. Your thoughts are trying to override your gut, but your gut is saying "No fucking way."

Your thoughts are telling you that no one is perfect, and leaving this man behind might be a big mistake. They're telling you that not everyone has the luxury of holding out for True Love. But you didn't even have intense feelings at the very start of this relationship! That alone is a big deal. You've already spent 5 years with someone you're pretty wishy washy about. The only reason you're even considering this guy is because a) you're attached to him after all this time and b) you've lost sight of the fact that love can feel so much stronger and better than this—intense, exciting AND comfortable.

The amount of thinking that's in the mix here, at the expense of feeling, is a great big red flag. You just took a page and a half to spell out your ambivalence in abstract terms. This appears to be his approach as well, based on his very clinical resolution to "choose clarity." You listen to your head-chatter and your thought-loops, and he engages in philosopher-attacking—which, by the way, sucks. Here you are, trying to overcome an overthinker's circular thought patterns, and everything you say is deconstructed philosophically? In my experience, that approach not only isn't remotely helpful, it's also not a sign of smarts so much as a sign of someone who is afraid of emotions and compulsively seeks to defuse them with a flood of theoretical nonsense.

The only whiff of emotion I can find in your letter relates to 1) the fact that there's a hardness to him, and you don't feel well-treated, and 2) the feeling of satisfaction you get when you're able to step back and see the future objectively. I don't need to ask if he's there when you feel that way, because it's obvious that he isn't.

This guy doesn't bring you peace or comfort. That doesn't mean he's shitty, it just means he's not right for you. You feel confused about a future with him in part because you feel traumatized by the times he's been careless with you. He says that he loves you, but something tells you that he also has contempt for you, so you can't trust his love completely. You have felt attacked and not heard. On top of that, you're bored with him sexually. Why? Because it doesn't feel like he's guarding your heart, or respecting who you are emotionally, underneath all of the statements of mutual respect.

I have a hunch that this boyfriend of yours is all about making statements, choosing clarity, choosing commitment, being resolute, but it never feels all that spontaneous or natural. He's trying to lend structure to the chaos swirling around inside of him.

Fuck that. You want to be in love. You want to feel safe. You want to know that you've chosen the right person. And yes, if this were right, you would know it already. It's not right.

In fact, I don’t know if I've ever had a stronger reaction from any "I'm on the fence about this guy" letter (that didn't include abusive or wildly dysfunctional details). You think that you've just told me why you should be with him, but all you really did was leak out a flood of reasons why he feels wrong for you. That wasn't your intention, but that's how it came out.

Based on what you've written here, I see you with someone who knows he loves you at a gut level, someone who doesn't hide behind long-winded, detached, vaguely condescending stances (that I'm willing to bet aren't grounded in smarts so much as fear). I see you with a guy who wouldn't dream of making you feel threatened or sad. I don't think you have a commitment problem at all. I think you'll be very, very good at committing to the right guy. You understand commitment. You know how to work hard. You know how to accept a reasonable number of flaws. And when you find a guy who is a little softer and sweeter and kinder to you, who loves you for your weaknesses AND your strengths (and yes, guys like that do exist), you will thank your lucky stars that you didn't settle for your ex.

You need someone who can be still with you and appreciate the moment. You need a calming influence. You need someone who is passionate but pragmatic, loving but not overly critical.

You have lots of talent and a great big brain and you need a partner who can give you lots of love and warmth and space to grow. You don't have that now. You have someone who takes up all of the space, who makes you jumpy and neurotic and confused and angry.

Life is way to short to settle for the wrong person. You know that if you stay with this guy, you'll not only be settling, but you'll also be dealing with lots of harshness and frustration and loneliness. Screw that. You should hold out for a great match. And until you find it, you can enjoy the relative solitude and thrilling independence of being alone, of finally not being held back or twisted in knots by someone who WANTS to choose clarity but isn't there yet.

You aren't noncommittal. Resolve not to settle for less than you deserve from now on. Set those thought-loops aside and follow your heart.

Polly





LET'S ROLL
Dear Polly,

I'm not sure I love my wife, which probably means I don't—I doubt it's love if you have to wonder about it. (Both of us are in our mid-forties, married for twelve years.) If I could go back in time, I wouldn't marry her. So, there's the final nail in the question of love, I guess.

She loves me, but treats me like a punching bag. If that's love, I don't want to love anyone. Ferocious temper: quick to anger, slow to forgive, loath to apologize when it turns out she was in the wrong. I never know what's going to set her off, and her explanations are hard to follow. My offenses seem minor relative to the rage they cause. I've just never fucked up that bad. She's not mad because I, whatever, offered her a napkin; it's that I interrupted her, or was about to interrupt her, or wasn't listening, or won't admit that I was about to interrupt, or I have a bad attitude. Other people seem to like me, so it's hard to reconcile that with my wife's insistence that I am a uniquely exasperating person.

Sometimes, when everything is perfect, I see the funny, caring, kind person she would be if she weren't with me. Perfection is hard to maintain, though. A few years ago, I took a hard look at my artistic career and realized that I didn't have the commitment, working environment, or (ahem) talent to reproduce the minor success that I'd found in my home country. So, I'm not just annoying, I'm an annoying failure.

I play the role of the thick-skinned, patient husband to the ball-of-fire wife—"Sure, she's a handful, but you know, it's worth it." (The last part is secretly not true. (I also have no one to talk to about this.)) What can I do? Being treated like this hurts, and pretending it doesn't is taking years off my life. Occasional attempts to stand up for myself have not gone well. She's more willing than I will ever be to make scenes, miss flights, go nuclear. What I am supposed to do—put her in a headlock?

We both love where we live, and she could never afford it on her own. I pay the rent, and have managed to keep a roof over our head even when I was nearly unemployed. She is awesomely frugal and has amassed enough savings to find a place on her own, but I know it would break her heart to leave. I do a lot of my work here. It would let down my business partner and employees if I had to leave, and I couldn't afford to keep my wife here in any case. If she left, she'd move back home and beat up on her mother the way she does me now.

We have talked about marriage counseling in the past. I've suggested that her anger is ruining her life too, and that she would benefit from therapy. Of course, I know it would do me good as well, but I'm not sure I could go through with it—I feel like I'm cheating just writing this.

I've told her before that I can't continue, and we've agreed to pull the plug more than once. I've told her, too, that my unhappiness stems from her unwillingness to control her anger.

For my wife, it's my behavior that's the problem. What we need to work on, then, is identifying the things I do that annoy and upset her and stop doing those things. Having grown up in a family of alcoholics, I am very familiar with this kind of thinking (though to be clear, my wife is absolutely not addicted to anything). Anyway, she'd rather get divorced than live with someone who can't accept her for who she is, is her answer to suggestions that she change. Maybe I should move in with her mother—in a way, we're each other's only ally.

Anyway, this is my problem. I've never been happily married (irrationally thinking that marrying my angry girlfriend would settle her down). Divorce would leave a negative net balance of happiness in the universe, since my wife's unhappiness (and that of the people she'd take it out on) would outweigh whatever happiness I'd gain. I think sometimes I could ride out the rest of my life like this, but other times I get tied up in knots thinking, what if we'd had kids? What if we had a sex life? Is this even fair to her? If she really thinks that we have a happy, fulfilling life together, how can I take that away from her? I hate to think that she's happy to be married to a voodoo doll to stick pins in and take her anger out on. Our problems are nothing in the scheme of things. I'm lonely, but not sure loneliness is really the worst thing in the world. Is happiness worth it? What would you do if you were me?

Could be worse




Dear CBW,

If I were you, I would find a therapist and I'd talk to that therapist about my low self-esteem, my overwhelming guilt, my inability to say no to people even when I know they're taking advantage of me, and my habit of taking responsibility for other people as if they're my pets or my children.

If I were you, I would probably also leave my (critical, won't budge, doesn't want couples' therapy, thinks the problem is you) wife. Yes, happiness is BEYOND worth it.

It sounds to me like your wife is an overgrown child who needs to be alone in order to grow up. She doesn't respect you because you don't stand up to her. She is taking advantage of your weakness by controlling you and bending you completely to her will. Worrying about how she'll fare without you is commendable, but that's what's kept you locked into this for too long already. You can be supportive and kind and gentle and try to split up without having it get contentious. But you should not keep yourself from leaving in a misguided attempt to protect her from the truth about herself. You've propped her up for long enough, and now it's time for her to learn to stand on her own two feet. In my opinion, you'll both be happier if you break up. From what I can tell, she's as unhappy with you as you are with her.

So that's what I would do: guide her gently toward an amicable split, no blame, no shouting, no nastiness. Be kind and patient with her. But insist that it's over. Then I would slowly set about rebuilding my life. Yes, you will miss her. You will wish you weren't alone. You'll wonder if this decision makes you a horrible asshole. That's just how it'll feel. Don't be discouraged. You are making a bold choice to give yourself the things you need, maybe for the first time ever.

You can be happy. You have to believe that. You need to rebuild your life from the ground up. You need to learn to be a different kind of a person in the world. I bet you'll find a great little apartment that you love, and you'll start feeling really good, unexpectedly good. I bet you'll make some new friends and have some exciting new experiences and maybe you'll even fall in love.

You've only wasted the first half of your adult life with a woman who's been brutally harsh to you. Don't waste the second half.

Best of luck,

Polly




Are you also wasting the first half of your adult life? Write to Polly and find out!

Heather Havrilesky (aka Polly Esther) is The Awl's existential advice columnist. She's also a regular contributor to The New York Times Magazine, and is the author of the memoir Disaster Preparedness (Riverhead 2011). She blogs here about scratchy pants, personality disorders, and aged cheeses.

Confusion Hill picture by Amit Patel; divorce cake photo by Wee Lakeo.

35 Comments / Post A Comment

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

Getting married is not like getting a job. You need to have some job (unless you are independently rich), so you have to get the best job you can, love it or not. You don't need to get married, so "the best you can" logic doesn't apply. If you do feel like (or think that) you need to get married, than there's something wrong with you that getting married (no matter to whom) will not fix. In fact, it will only make it worse. You should only be getting married when it's a slam dunk no-brainer that you don't need to ask other people about.

@Niko Bellic My name is Ruiz from UK I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex husband 2years ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, I was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine Lucy told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Dr olori. I email Dr olori the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and was so happy to have him back to me. We have two kids together and we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Dr olori for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is (drolorispiritualtemple@gmail.com) you are the best among all the spell caster online I hope you see my testimonies and also pray for my family too

Miyax (#247,878)

Oh MY HEART. I wait all Wednesday every week for Polly's column and they're always worth it, but her tender answers (to both LWs tonight, but especially #1) are so lovely and comforting.

VaricellaSundry (#248,088)

@Miyax Me too! I sit at my desk and compulsively check, no matter how busy my day.

Mar (#2,357)

LW 1, not to be a dick, but I feel the need to reiterate that you seem to (and likely do) really hate your boyfriend. I know because this is how I used to talk about my dumb boyfriends that I hated, during our various protracted godawful infected hangnail break-ups.
He "still wants me to fight for him"? Fight who or what? Yourself? Your vagina? Your better instincts?

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

@Mar Your vagina hates freedom!

Lcanon (#240,865)

LW2 sounds a lot like my in-laws, except they got married during the Eisenhower administration and are only now getting divorced. We are slowly trying to convince my father in law he's better off.

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

LW2: dude, it's hilarious that you think that your depressed self and your complete disaster of a marriage contribute anything to the balance of happiness in the universe. If you don't want to divorce your wife, could you two please move to some remote cabin in the woods, or at least stay as far away as possible from airports, restaurants, and other crowded public places. And whatever you do, for the love of the universe, please don't have any children. But yeah, take Polly's advice. It's by far the best option.

I know that's not the Mystery Spot, but I just wanted to say that I lived like eight years in Santa Cruz and never visited. I feel kind of proud of that.

ok thank u 4 ur time byeee

& just fyi i didnt read letter 1 b4 writing that so nancy should probs marry me instead

black rabbit (#10,816)

If you're worried about the karmic balance of the universe, LW#2, rest assured that you can restore it by throwing your wedding ring in a canal in the red light district in Amsterdam. It worked for me, right after I got out of a situation that was eerily similar to your own.

@black rabbit : Can we get more love for this comment(ator)? Because, seriously, a printout of this is going into my bug-out bag. And I'm not even married, yet.

synchronia (#3,755)

LW2, have you ever gone to Al-Anon? Please think about it – you're 100% right that you're repeating alcoholic-family patterns with this marriage.

Pippa Laughingstock (#248,091)

Wow, dearth of sympathy for LW2. Where's the pep talk that he'll find a woman who'll love him even for his faults? That he's kind and sincere and he's worth it? Why should he even be kind to his wife? Not that he should be a dick, but she is horrendously abusive, he deserves better, and he deserves to get out quickly, and if it is at her expense then what of it? I hurt for you, LW2, there is a lot of pain there and you seem like a good person.

HeatherH (#241,099)

@Pippa Laughingstock Yeah, he does seem like an honorable guy who's put up with a lot of shit. My main goal was to get him to see that he's sacrificing too much, being too nice, etc. As far as telling him to be kind/gentle to her, those are parting instructions I give to anyone who's having trouble calling it quits. It's for his benefit, not hers. I don't want him to get pulled back into some kind of a sticky fight with her where it's ugly, she cries, she insists that he's abandoning her, etc. He needs to slip out the door, without malice, and move forward to a better life. Because you're right, he does deserve better, and he should know that.

lbf (#2,343)

"Sure, she's a handful, but you know, it's worth it." (The last part is secretly not true. (I also have no one to talk to about this.))
Man, this kills me. I'm so sorry for you. I could be you cos that's the kind of thinking I can get into. Bu I'm not, because my spouse is someone great. That's the one variable you gotta to change about your life. Good luck.

RobotsNeedLove (#236,743)

Oh LW1 leave leave leave. You may need years to heal, because his roots are in you deep, and when they are ripped out they'll shred you a bit, but leave leave leave.

I've been there. Deep ambivalence. Belief that there is something wrong with me. That I can't commit. That I can't love properly. That without the man I spent 5 years with (without an intense beginning) I would be lost, alone, nothing.

Turns out, all totally not true, I had just spent 5 years with the wrong man. Nothing wrong with him, but my gut said NOPE while my mind said "but what if…" for a long long time. Now I'm actually in love, and while it's only been a year, it's completely different. Totally and completely different. It's my mind that does the questioning while my gut just says YES. YES YES YES. Every day, no questions, yes. And the time alone I spent (several years) was magical. I'm so much more whole now.

Just leave. It will hurt, and it will be so so worth it.

bananalise (#13,738)

@RobotsNeedLove Oh, I so needed to hear this. This is important.

AgentMayhem (#248,340)

@bananalise I needed to hear this, too. It's very important.

Shane McIan (#224,023)

LW2 – ugh, this made me feel a little bad, because I'm that woman – for about 0.1% of the time. (The rest of the time, we make each other very happy, honest!) The thing is, my anger seems valid at the time – and you know what, often it *is*, because you (for example) haven't listened to the times I've told you you haven't listened. Are you completely sure your "offenses seem minor relative to the rage they cause."? I guess it's hard to tell if she won't analyse along with you. It's the 'whatever' that makes me wonder if you do care whether her anger is valid or not?

I'm not really suggesting you do anything other than follow Polly's advice, but could be something to bear in mind – I don't get a sense of what your wife says, or is trying to communicate to you from your letter. Good luck.

Don'tcallmeJenny (#245,210)

@Shane McIan Her anger could be totally valid. That's not what this is about. As someone who has struggled/still struggles with anger management, the fact is that the validity of her feelings don't matter in this equation because she is refusing to take any responsibility for her behavior. Her husband and her relationships in general are being hurt by the way that she expresses those feelings (whether she is in the "right" with her initial point or not). This lady defines "who she is" as a rageaholic and views any attempts to work towards change as divorceable offenses. She doesn't deserve to have her feelings and motivations assessed and acknowledged because she has zero interest in providing her husband with the same respect.

nomorecheese (#15,517)

Change a few circumstantial details and LW1 is saying everything that is on my heart.

blackberry (#248,138)

LW2 is in an abusive relationship! It's not unusual for the emotionally abused party to be convinced that they have to stick it out for the sake of the person who is making them miserable. Polly, I don't think you should have said "She doesn't respect you because you don't stand up to her." She doesn't respect him because she's emotionally abusive. There's nothing he could do to make her different.

Sundaydriver (#248,152)

Sounds like a receipe for disaster. Make sure you are in love before you decide to pull the trigger with marriage.

you're a kitty! (#240,787)

LW1: "I’ve had to defend my relationship to my friends who don’t think he’s "right" for me or treats me well, and defend myself to friends who love both of us and us together."

I've found that the people who don't think your relationship is healthy are usually important to listen to; that sort of warning isn't an easy thing to tell a friend, so it's (usually) not a thoughtless statement. However, you will find that you ALWAYS have friends who love whatever relationships currently exist, who only see the surface and assume that everything is golden and you should get married and have babies. Don't listen to these people. They act as if they want to see everyone paired up at the end of the Shakespearian comedy that is life. Without inside information, a lot of people tend to assume that all relationships are happy and healthy and loving, even when they really really aren't.
Big hugs — I hope you can get out of this relationship with minimal bruising to your heart, but either way it'll be worth it.

@you're a kitty! My name is Ruiz from UK I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex husband 2years ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, I was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine Lucy told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Dr olori. I email Dr olori the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and was so happy to have him back to me. We have two kids together and we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Dr olori for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is (drolorispiritualtemple@gmail.com) you are the best among all the spell caster online I hope you see my testimonies and also pray for my family too

I want to thank (Dr cafi) for helping me to get my love back.My boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago and told me he is not interested in me anymore and i want him back so badly that i went to the net and in searching for help and i saw so many good talk about this spell caster and i contact him and explain my problems to him and he cast a spell for me which i use to get my boyfiend back.If you need his help email: cafilovetemple@gmail.com

My name is Ruiz from UK I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex husband 2years ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, I was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine Lucy told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Dr olori. I email Dr olori the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and was so happy to have him back to me. We have two kids together and we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Dr olori for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is (drolorispiritualtemple@gmail.com) you are the best among all the spell caster online I hope you see my testimonies and also pray for my family too

i am Mrs mercy i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 2 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come again and he called me that he want a divorce, I asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying that he want a divorce and that he hates me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just
want to try if something will come out of it. I contacted Drehiaghe for the return of my husband to me, he told me that my husband have been taken by another woman that she cast a spell on him that is why he hates me and also want us to divorce. then he told me that he have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, he cast the spell and after 3 days my husband called me
and he told me that i should forgive him, he settled to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that the Drehiaghe shrine casted on him that made him come back to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you DR.ehiaghe for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want
you my friends who are passing through this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact ehiaghespellhome@gmail.com and you will see that your problem will be solved.

Oh my God, I'm so glad to tell everyone the real thing that happen to me…My name is EMILIANO BABARAH. If i refuse to share this testimony it means i am selfish to my self and to people i love so much whom might have similar problems, March 16th about something 7:23pm after taken our dinner my husband got crazy started calling a lady name Melisa I love you, i was so mad and started crying like a baby…then my husband left home then for the idiot called Melisa, and never return back home then i believed when he understand his self he will surly come back to apology, but instead he left me So i complained to my friend she told me she was having such problems in her marriage until she was introduce to DR ORIOMON who specializes in bringing back broken homes and broken marriages DR ORIOMON cast a spell for me in May 4th surprisingly my husband came home May 6th apologizing that i should forgive him that it will never happen again, i was so glad and gave the thanks to DR ORIOMON who save my marriage, if you are having similar problem you can contact him and His email address is (oriomonspiritualtemple@yahoo.com) you can still save your marriage if u really love your husband.

Thanks EMILIANO BABARAH_USA

TESTIMONY of my life

Hello my name is prince john i know renowned spell caster who helped me when i had problem with my girl-friend if you need a right place to solve your problems contact DR ODOGUN AIGBE is the right choice. he is a great man that have been casting spells with years of experience. he cast spells for different purposes like :dr.odogun@gmail.com

(1)If you want your ex back and you needed get married.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3)You want to be promoted in your office.
(4)You want women/men to run after you.
(5)Pushing of drugs protection
(5)If you want a child.
(6)[You want to be rich.
(7)You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
(8)If you need financial assistance.
(9)Herbal care
(10) if you want to cure your unusuall sickness
(11) if you are sick of cancer he can help you cure it
(12) if you needed protection/back-up…

Contact him today on: dr.odogun@gmail.com

Angela Smith (#280,577)

TESTIMONY Hello my name is Angela, I never believe in love spells until I experience Dr.Ojabu, and after he cast a love spell for me, my Ex husband who left me and 2 of our kids for 3years called me to apologize for the pain that he has caused me and till today we are living a happy family, if you need a right place to solve your problems contact DR Ojabu is the right choice. he is a great man that have been casting spells with years of experience, and his spell is absolutely harm free. he cast spells for different purposes like: (1)If you want your ex back. (2) if you always have bad dreams. (3)You want to be promoted in your office. (4)You want women/ men to run after you. (5)If you want a child. (6)[You want to be rich. (7)You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever. (8)If you need financial assistance. (9)Herbal care Contact him today ons ojabuspelltemple@gmail.com or call Dr Ojabu +2349039027306
1. Custom Spell
2.Love Spells
3.Attraction Spells
4.Money Spells
5.Business/Career Spells
6.Feel Sexyer Spells
7.Commitment Spells
8.Marriage Spells
9.Hex Removal Spells
10. Lucky Spells
11.Miracle Spells
12.Charmed Spells
13.Family Spells
14.Meditaion
15.Kabbalah
16. I-Ching
17.Voodoo Dolls
18.Hoodoo Spells
19.Forget Me Spells
20.Evil Eye Spells
21.Kissing Spell
22.Venus Spell
23.Make An Enemy Move Away Spell
24.Aura Cleansing
25.Sand Healing
26.Crystal Healing
27.I Want Him/Her Back Spells
28.Beauty Spells
29.Break Up A Relationship Spells
30.Protection Spells
31.Remove Sickness Spells
AND MORE CALL DR Ojabu +2349039027306

i am really short of words, can't finally believe i got my boyfriend back this is my testimony about the man that brought back my man Dr Shiva within the period of 2days my boyfriend of 2 years breakup with me 3 months ago and i contacted Dr Shiva on his email: reunitingexspell2@gmail.com and he help me to get back my boyfriend and right now we are living happily and getting very ready and set for our wedding, i am so much happy knowing full well there are real, true spell casters who can really make things happen within the shortest possible time. for help you can reach him on reunitingexspell@yahoo.com or Tel:+2347051705853

Love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Love binds one person to another. Love Spells are used to repair the relationships or to get love from the person you love truly. There are many cases when someone love a person but unable to express his/her feelings. Love spells will influence and attract the person you want.
priest ebafortare has been performing Love Spells from several years and shown incredible results. Thousands of people around the world are thankful to priest ebafortare for solving their Love or marriage related problems within 72 hours. No matter whom you are where you live; Love Spells by priest ebafortare is helpful for you. Whether you are a straight Men or Women, Gay or Lesbian, love spell will for sure work for you.

If you are facing any type of problem in your love or married life then you should
Contact :
priest ebafortare

Email : priestebafortare_solutionshrine@yahoo.com

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